cheating housemate

encore1

hi all,

my housemate, who i also work with, brought some randomer home one night a few weeks ago, fair enough.....except for the fact that he has a girlfriend who spends quite a lot of time in the house!
I don't feel very comfortable with the girlfriend spending time in the house now, since i know what i know (there was a rumour at work that he had slept with one of the girls, which he totally denied to me, but admitted to someone else, so i now know for sure he's just a lying, cheating coward) and i said that to him after he brought this girl back. after hours of me trying to explain WHY i was now in a crap situation, having to sit there and be part of his lie and watch him being a 2 faced little prick to her, he said he understood and that he wouldn't have her over as much.......this lasted all of 5 days and now she's coming over all the time again.
Any time i look at him with her, i want to punch him in the face!

any advice on what i should do? i know its none of my business who or what he does, but i really dont feel comfy pretending that everything is dandy just because he's too much of a coward to a) tell his girlfriend that he has cheated on more than one occassion (apparently it would "break her" and he "just hasnt got the heart to tell her" - how thoughtful of him!) or b) just break up with her and go off and be with other people.

obviously, it would be completely unreasonable for me to tell him he cant have his girlfriend in the house because of what i know, but i honestly cant stand being a part of his lies

Nevyn

If the moral standards of your housemate bothers you so much then move out.

Shelga

encore1 wrote: »

i know its none of my business who or what he does

This.

The_Conductor

As per the above- its his problem, not yours. Why are you wasting time and energy pondering his morals? If this is the worst problem you have at the moment- you've got things easy.......

encore1

its not that i'm pondering his morals - i don't care who he sleeps with, or what he does.
my problem lies in the fact that i now have to be a part of his bullsh*t and sit there and be two faced to the girlfriend aswell. i just don't feel comfortable having to do this.
i'm putting myself in her shoes and imagining if she ever finds out - and finds out that i knew all along, i don't care what she'll think of me, but she'll feel 100 times worse knowing that i knew.
moving out isn't an option so there's no point in anyone going down that road...

Bonito

Just leave it be. Not your fault your house mate is a lying cheat. You're not part of his relationship or little bits on the side either for that matter. If it's REALLY bothering you that much then why not ask your housemate to not bring random girls back but rather go back to theirs with them. Other than that just say nothing to her and leave it for him to come clean, if he ever does.

wylo

I know people are saying "none of your business", that's all well and good until you've been in the situation yourself.
I have a mate where the same pattern has always occurred, he would start going out with a girl, he would introduce this girl into both my life and other mutual friends. We would in turn become great mates with this new girl and then we would catch him cheating on her. It is our business if were becoming friends with her, and it is your business OP if the girl is always around your house.
In the end I made it clear to my mate that im never being 'friends' with any girl he goes out with as long he carries on like that , cause its too hard to watch a friend being cheated on and having to sit by. Also you are guilty by association. Ive been cheated on before and been very pissed off with certain people not telling me.

However OP, you seem particularly pissed off with your housemate, this kinda tells alot.

(there was a rumour at work that he had slept with one of the girls, which he totally denied to me, but admitted to someone else, so i now know for sure he's just a lying, cheating coward) and i said that to him after he brought this girl back. after hours of me trying to explain WHY i was now in a crap situation, having to sit there and be part of his lie and watch him being a 2 faced little prick to her, he said he understood and that he wouldn't have her over as much.......this lasted all of 5 days and now she's coming over all the time again.
Any time i look at him with her, i want to punch him in the face!

If your seriously feeling like that about him, despite what hes doing you should reconsider who your living with and if you want to continue to be in that situation. It seems like you dislike the bloke and thats why you should move it if its really bothering you.

It's not OP's business? Of course it's his business. He has to sit there and watch his housemate lie to his gf, making him uncomfortable in his own home. It sounds like he knows the gf pretty well. I can only imagine how she'd feel if she found out he knew all along and never said anything. I think it was really selfish of the housemate to put him in this position. It's maybe not his place to tell her, but it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him not to invite her over so often.

Agent J

So not your problem unless you try and make it so.

Alessandra

I was/am in a similar position. I decided not to say anything because it would probably make my life less comfortable than the situation itself is making it.
Just forget about it.

stovelid

encore1 wrote: »

i know its none of my business who or what he does

Yup.

Wagon

I put myself in his girlfriends shoes (roles reversed). I'd like to know.

Alessandra

Wagon wrote: »

I put myself in his girlfriends shoes (roles reversed). I'd like to know.

Okay nobody would like to be messed around and lied to but we're trying to see it from the point of view of the OP.
It's not in his interests to rat out his housemate. His housemate pays rent and lives there. He probably only knows the girlf through the housemate.
If the relationship was closeR i could see where the dilemna would occur.

LegacyUser

i was in the same situation. basically i ignpored evert=ything )which i feel to this day several years on bad about ) because it would bounce back on me and i would end up defending myself and being the bad person and the person who was being cheated on may not have believed me. Eventually they broke up for natural reasons and the person wasnt traumaticed by knowing they were cheated on and i weasnt the evil person to be forevver hated. things run their course and if i was being cheated on i would like to know but i think i would subconsciously want to believe my partner. Basically keep your ditance and if he proposes then intervene otherwise she wont believe you and you will be the baddy. If you do feel like discussing his cheating basardly ways give him an ultimatum and follow through. best of luck and either way not to be mean but you are going to feel bad...

Gregor Samsa

encore1 wrote: »

i honestly cant stand being a part of his lies

How are you part of the lie just by being present in the house when she's around? It would be one thing if she asked you straight out if your house mate was cheating on her, but just living there and making the usual small talk with her doesn't make you complicit in his actions in any way.

newmember2

Are you single OP?

encore1

phutyle wrote: »

How are you part of the lie just by being present in the house when she's around? It would be one thing if she asked you straight out if your house mate was cheating on her, but just living there and making the usual small talk with her doesn't make you complicit in his actions in any way.

of course i'm part of the lie, because he's acting as if nothing happened and expecting me to do the same. in fact, he has said to me that if i ever told her there'd be trouble.
now, i have no intention of telling the girl, that is not my issue here, my issue is that he has put me in an awful situation, just because he's too much of a coward to come clean with her. i've told him that i'm not comfortable having her around beacuse i feel rotten and i feel uncomfortable.

i feel i should mention at this stage that the morning after the night he brought the other one home, he came downstairs and told me that his girlfriend ahd dumped him (by sending him a text message the night before saying "we need to talk".......) and then, miraculously, they were back together by 3 o'clock that afternoon.......

when i confronted him on being SUCH a bullsh*tter, he came clean and said he lied to me (about her "dumping" him) cos he was disgusted with himself, but that he understood why i was annoyed and that he wouldn't have her over as much.......like i said, that lasted for 5 days

and no, i'm not single,nor do i feel wrong for being slightly pissed off for being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home because of the actions of someone else

iguana

To be quite honest OP you will probably have to move out. Not feeling comfortable in your own home is a horrible stressful situation and will take it's toll on you. There isn't really any other solution, unless he and his GF break-up you will have her in your home several days a week. You don't feel comfortable around her now, which I completely understand, but as long as they are a couple she will be around. So unless you decide to tell her, which will probably have a worse effect on your living situation, you need to find a way to move.

Magenta

I was in this situation before and said nothing to no one and that was definitely the best thing for me to do. Stay out of it. It's none of your business.
If you give this girl any reason to know the truth she will most likely side with him anyway and then you are stuck living with him and having her over and the two of them would be against you. It would be all too easy for him to tell her that you were lying because you were jealous etc and she'd believe it.
You do not owe this girl anything, you owe yourself a peaceful house to live in and you won't get that if you rat out your housemate and then continue to live with him.

cowzerp

encore1 wrote: »

any advice on what i should do?

Mind your own businesss.

AvaKinder

I think the only time anyone should get involved in something like that is when theres an engagement or marriage. And the only reason I think that is because people let my aunt get married knowing her husband was cheating.

Basically, you feel awful now, but you'll prob feel worse if you get involved. Obviously it's different if you're friends with this girl but it sounds like you only know her cuz of her being in the house with him not personally.

Maybe suggest that he doesn't bring her round because while you have no intention of blabbing, you can't be sure it wouldn't come out accidently, particularly if you've had a drink!

ChocolateRamses

OP this situation has nothing to do with you, you happen to be sharing space with this guy who happens to be cheating on his gf.

Unless she's a good friend of yours, (and even then only under duress), you have no business getting involved.