what do guys want??

LegacyUser

im asking this because i can't seem to hold onto guys. Do guys prefer girls to act as if they dont care? One guy I was with when I didnt contact him much and didnt show much interest he was all over me. Then when i said i liked him he dumped me. I cant understand what they want at all. I thought men liked women to be direct and all so when i was with a different guy it still wasnt enough. What the heck do they want????

cournioni

Sorry to hear about your problems. I hope I can help... I can't talk for the guy that broke up with you, but maybe try to be a bit more casual when you start going out. Don't show too much interest, just go out, enjoy your nights at the cinema, restaurant, pub, or whatever you're into. Never jump in there straight away and say that you like them.

With my girlfriend, I met her out one night, she rang me after I gave her my number (she didn't give me hers), we text on and off for almost a month before we met up (she was at college). When we met up, we just went out and had fun for a month and then one of her friends asked us what we were, and it was that night that we started going out properly. The funny thing is we were both afraid of any commitment back then and we are now going out a year and a half. Take from that what you will.

Point is, take it easy at the start, just have fun and enjoy yourself. No pressure. Eventually you will find your match.

whatsamsn

I hear you op.
However, I am a guy. What you say is just people... both male and female.
Fact is the world of dating sucks.

I like to think its alot like the movie "shes just not that into you"
- I find the most common problem in dating is that people date others purely for the soul reason of not being single (being lonely). Thats why people cheat ... get dumped out of no-where ... people fish for others etc etc.

What you said about once you stop showing interest they are all over you ... thats what alot of people can be like.
But as in your situation, sadly as soon as you said you liked him he dumped you - he wasnt that into you sadly.

Best advice is to learn from your current situation. And if this guy ever texts you... blank him

santana75

fgkdsjgblds wrote: »

im asking this because i can't seem to hold onto guys. Do guys prefer girls to act as if they dont care? One guy I was with when I didnt contact him much and didnt show much interest he was all over me. Then when i said i liked him he dumped me. I cant understand what they want at all. I thought men liked women to be direct and all so when i was with a different guy it still wasnt enough. What the heck do they want????

I think you need to get a life. Sorry if that comes across as sounding harsh. What I mean is that you gotta have your own thing going on, your own life has to be interesting and important to you. If not you'll start to look to men to fill the void left by an unfulfilled existance. Get into something that really consumes you. For example, I love triathlons and I get completely lost in this world so much so that Im not sitting around worrying if mrs Santana really loves me this much or that much. Dont get me wrong, I do care a lot about mrs Santana but my life wouldnt come to a standstill if it ended between us(hides behind sofa).
My point is: Get passionate about something, as a result you wont be so worried if guys like you or not, you wont be checking your behaviour and trying to please so much.

SnoopyD

I think PORNAPSTER had some pretty good advice there. Take it easy, roll with the punches and don't expect too much too soon.

What do guys want? I'm not belittling your puzzlement but its a funny in a way because men will ask the same question. What do women want? Both sexes struggle to work out the other

In the end different people want different things. As was said some people date purely not to be single. I know a girl, for example, who cannot fathom not dating someone or at least having something on the go at all times. It may be a self worth thing. Who knows.

Unfortunately its also true that there will be people out there who are always looking to 'better deal' their partners. I know a lad who has that problem. He's always loking to 'trade up' and has one eye open for something he considers better to come along.

The bottom line is different people want different things. But I don't think you should rush. Its been a while since I was single but I can't imagine dating has changed that much. Its a case of hit and miss. And there will be a lot more misses than hits.

Don't worry about not finding the perfect lad immediately. I'm presuming you are young enough. And dating is a good way of getting to know the good and bad of the opposite sex. There are many types of men and women out there. You'll meet some good ones and some bad ones. Its all experience and with a bit of luck you will eventually meet the one person you end up staying with

Abi

Agree with Pornapsters advice.

fgkdsjgblds wrote: »

One guy I was with when I didnt contact him much and didnt show much interest he was all over me. Then when i said i liked him he dumped me.

I wouldn't have done this ^

If you liked him you should have just let things flow, he quite possibly didn't want to get involved with someone who played games.

e04bf099

santana75 wrote: »

I think you need to get a life. Sorry if that comes across as sounding harsh. What I mean is that you gotta have your own thing going on, your own life has to be interesting and important to you. If not you'll start to look to men to fill the void left by an unfulfilled existance. Get into something that really consumes you. For example, I love triathlons and I get completely lost in this world so much so that Im not sitting around worrying if mrs Santana really loves me this much or that much. Dont get me wrong, I do care a lot about mrs Santana but my life wouldnt come to a standstill if it ended between us(hides behind sofa).
My point is: Get passionate about something, as a result you wont be so worried if guys like you or not, you wont be checking your behaviour and trying to please so much.

I agree with you to a large extent, but I also think you're missing something substantial. Interesting past-times make an interesting person, but interests are subjective. I like lots of things are not exactly extrovert or exhibitionist, or are simply just not obvious. I mean, how many ocasions can you stick into conversation that you like reading Steinbeck and American culture? Yeah, there are things that we can emerse ourselves in, but I fail to see how escapism is the answer. I like growing vegetables. I'm throwing myself into it this year, but its not something that I find it easy to relate to people on. Throwing yourself into your projects, hobbies and goals is a very healthy way to be. Its bad to think that a relationship will solve all of your boredom and loneliness. But to expect these things to fill that gap in your life is naive. People need other people to share these interests with. We all live vicariously through other people all the time, and most of us (personally, I don't think any of us) are not naturally born to be individualistic. So I don't think your advice really got to grips with her problem. She isn't an uninteresting person just because she can't keep the attention of fickle fussy people who don't know what they want. I'm a very interesting person, by which I mean that I have a broad range of interests that other people may be interested in and I can hold a conversation about them. I am healthy and people say that I'm an attractive guy. But I'm very awkward with people I don't know and just can't keep a girls attention.

I don't want to take over your thread OP, but to me it doesn't sound like much of the advice really got to the crux of your [and my] problem.

LegacyUser

fgkdsjgblds wrote: »

What the heck do they want????

Usually, just a peaceful life. Which includes, not so many questions.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

To me it just sounds like you have really clicked with anyone yet. Like someone else said don't look for a guy to fill the void, get some hobbies and work on enjoying your life and filling it with things you find worthwhile. When you find a guy you click with properly all those questions will just go away because all he'll want is to be with you and all you'll want is to spend time with him, that's how simple it is when you fall for someone. Don't worry about it so much, it'll happen when you least expect it, until just enjoy yourself being single for now.

Millie

e04bf099 wrote: »

I agree with you to a large extent, but I also think you're missing something substantial. Interesting past-times make an interesting person, but interests are subjective. I like lots of things are not exactly extrovert or exhibitionist, or are simply just not obvious. I mean, how many ocasions can you stick into conversation that you like reading Steinbeck and American culture? Yeah, there are things that we can emerse ourselves in, but I fail to see how escapism is the answer. I like growing vegetables. I'm throwing myself into it this year, but its not something that I find it easy to relate to people on. Throwing yourself into your projects, hobbies and goals is a very healthy way to be. Its bad to think that a relationship will solve all of your boredom and loneliness. But to expect these things to fill that gap in your life is naive. People need other people to share these interests with. We all live vicariously through other people all the time, and most of us (personally, I don't think any of us) are not naturally born to be individualistic. So I don't think your advice really got to grips with her problem. She isn't an uninteresting person just because she can't keep the attention of fickle fussy people who don't know what they want. I'm a very interesting person, by which I mean that I have a broad range of interests that other people may be interested in and I can hold a conversation about them. I am healthy and people say that I'm an attractive guy. But I'm very awkward with people I don't know and just can't keep a girls attention.

I don't want to take over your thread OP, but to me it doesn't sound like much of the advice really got to the crux of your [and my] problem.

I don't want to take over your thread OP, but to me it doesn't sound like much of the advice really got to the crux of your [and my] problem.[/QUOTE]

I thought the very same thing when I read Santana's post.
Hobbies etc are great but they don't fill the heart of you like another person can.

And you Mr e04 sound like a very intuitive gentleman

Barracudaincork

fgkdsjgblds wrote: »

What the heck do they want????

The same as women do, a decent person who isnt false nor wants to play games and can be themselves. Dont try and be the person you think someone might like you to be, be who you are.

hollis12

santana75 wrote: »

I think you need to get a life. Sorry if that comes across as sounding harsh. What I mean is that you gotta have your own thing going on, your own life has to be interesting and important to you. If not you'll start to look to men to fill the void left by an unfulfilled existance. Get into something that really consumes you. For example, I love triathlons and I get completely lost in this world so much so that Im not sitting around worrying if mrs Santana really loves me this much or that much. Dont get me wrong, I do care a lot about mrs Santana but my life wouldnt come to a standstill if it ended between us(hides behind sofa).
My point is: Get passionate about something, as a result you wont be so worried if guys like you or not, you wont be checking your behaviour and trying to please so much.

i was actually say your being unnecessarily hard on the op but (apologies included) your very right, i believe the op does need to have his/her own thing going on before they are happy in a relationship.

Eve_Dublin

Barracudaincork wrote: »

The same as women do, a decent person who isnt false nor wants to play games and can be themselves. Dont try and be the person you think someone might like you to be, be who you are.

...in an ideal world! I´m sorry, I just don´t buy into this anymore. There´s plenty of evidence around that contradicts the statement above. A lot of men LOVE the drama and are attracted to that. I was going to work on the Metro today (Madrid) and saw a couple sitting across from me and the girl was pushing her boyfriend away, acting like a total princess, giving him attitude and the "hand" etc. (they were in their late twenties) and the guy was literally begging to get her attention...she had this guy in the palm of her hand. I see this all the time...this kind of game-playing intrigues a lot of men and they lap it up like she was the first woman in the world to use this game plan. What was going on between them was predictable: this woman knew what she was doing and I´ve seen varying versions of this same game in every country I´ve been to.

I´m not saying act like a total cold princess but a little game playing is definitely required.

Lux23

[QUOTE=Eve_Dublin;64547468
I´m not saying act like a total cold princess but a little game playing is definitely required.[/QUOTE]

I agree with that to a certain extent but if two people are right for each other then game playing just doesn't come into it. A girl just has to ask herself if she wants a boyfriend or if she wants something she can really be comfortable with and connect with. Personally I opt for the latter so I don't play games.

e04bf099

I hate that sort of malarky. I am a candid straight forward person in these things and if a girl isn't straight and grown-up about it I get confused and eventually uninterested.

Barracudaincork

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

...in an ideal world! I´m sorry, I just don´t buy into this anymore. There´s plenty of evidence around that contradicts the statement above. A lot of men LOVE the drama and are attracted to that. I was going to work on the Metro today (Madrid) and saw a couple sitting across from me and the girl was pushing her boyfriend away, acting like a total princess, giving him attitude and the "hand" etc. (they were in their late twenties) and the guy was literally begging to get her attention...she had this guy in the palm of her hand. I see this all the time...this kind of game-playing intrigues a lot of men and they lap it up like she was the first woman in the world to use this game plan. What was going on between them was predictable: this woman knew what she was doing and I´ve seen varying versions of this same game in every country I´ve been to.

I´m not saying act like a total cold princess but a little game playing is definitely required.

The person on the metro was more than likely still being themselves, just because he was an idiot to tolerate it, doesnt mean she wasnt being who she is. The boyfriend likes this type of person, not everyone does.

As for the scenario above, I have seen this happen so many times its unreal (sometimes i look around for a camera crew, as i cant believe its real!), but i have also seen it the other way when men treat women with contempt etc etc I have yet to see a relationship like that go longterm as sooner or later someone gets bored or someone gets the guts to move.

I cant see how being untrue to yourself, which is what playing games is, is helpful to anyone tbh.

kenbrady

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

When we met up, we just went out and had fun for a month and then one of her friends asked us what we were, and it was that night that we started going out properly.

So the only reason you are going out is because her friend pushed you, one of you should of had the confidence to do it before then.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I´m not saying act like a total cold princess but a little game playing is definitely required.

A little bit of game playing is healthy and fun. But any sort of manipulative, inconsiderate or rude behavior they'll get a polite see ya. Most men can tell when a woman is playing games, they just play along for the fun.
A lot of woman play games because they are insecure and afraid to tell a guy they like them. So they play games to see how interested he is before they will commit to anything.

Lux23

kenbrady wrote: »

A little bit of game playing is healthy and fun. But any sort of manipulative, inconsiderate or rude behavior they'll get a polite see ya. Most men can tell when a woman is playing games, they just play along for the fun.
A lot of woman play games because they are insecure and afraid to tell a guy they like them. So they play games to see how interested he is before they will commit to anything.

Men play games too for the same reason.

Eve_Dublin

kenbrady wrote: »

So the only reason you are going out is because her friend pushed you, one of you should of had the confidence to do it before then.



A little bit of game playing is healthy and fun. But any sort of manipulative, inconsiderate or rude behavior they'll get a polite see ya. Most men can tell when a woman is playing games, they just play along for the fun.
A lot of woman play games because they are insecure and afraid to tell a guy they like them. So they play games to see how interested he is before they will commit to anything.

Indeed. Absolutely. I agree with the last point wholeheartedly and I´ve been guilty of that carry on in the past.

The situation I saw in the metro was an extreme case of game playing and I´m not condoning that girl´s behaviour...she was acting like a spoilt princess but the amount of times I see this carry on and wonder how do the guys put up with it leaves me despairing and goes against everything were told about being ourselves and a decent person. Perhaps this guy was no better...like attract alike and all that or maybe her actions were justified and he really did do something to upset her. Who knows.

I guess what I saw today was a performance for EVERYONE around them. It was so theatrical and OTT that couldn´t have been genuine. Was this a kind of foreplay? This kind of gameplaying can be and I guess this is probably why some guys lap it up. Perhaps they were creating excitement in the only way they knew how.

A little game playing (which is what playing it cool at the initial stages and belying your true feelings is) is definitely needed to create interest but as Kenbrady says, taking it too far can feck things up.

TitoPuente

People who play mind games are emotionally immature idiots. I don't want to commit myself to a dumb woman so I'd drop one who plays mind games like a hot potato. Real women (and men) know how to treat their parters with respect and dignity. It's called being an adult.

cournioni

kenbrady wrote: »

So the only reason you are going out is because her friend pushed you, one of you should of had the confidence to do it before then.

Who said it was the only reason we are going out? I was just using that as an example of how casual our dating was at the very beginning. We would have come to that eventually and most likely very soon after that... I have plenty of self confidence, I just didn't feel the need to jump straight in and put pressure on our relationship straight away.

I personally think it's best if you enjoy your time with the person you're seeing for as long as you can so you gauge how you both feel.