In 2 sexual relationships at the same time

LegacyUser

Hi,

as the title suggests I'm in a bit of a muddle at the moment. I'm in my early 50s, widowed with 2 sons, both grown up but one of them disabled. Ever since my wife died a few years ago I have been looking after my handicapped son. Its been tough juggling a job. My social & sex life has been non existant up to now. However that changed a few months ago when I began a sexual relationship with my son's carer. She's from Romania in her early 30s and a very nice looking lady. When we first met, we immediatley struck up a good rapport, having chats and she has been great to my son. Anyway one Monday afternoon around Christmas time while my son was away with relatives for a few days, she came over to my house to collect some items and I gave her a present. I invited her to stay for drinks and we had a nice chat. However as the evening progressed one thing led to another and we ended up up having sex in my bedroom. She was absolutley fantastic and ever since then we have been meeting up, she coming over and doing the deed about 3 times a week mostly in the evening.

Meanwhile in work a new cleaning lady started just after Christmas. She is also in her mid 20s, from Hungary and a very nice pleasant lady. We hit it off and to cut a long story short I have been having sex with her for the last couple of weeks either in my place or in hers at weekends. I'm absolutley confused and dont know what to do. They are both very lovely and pleasant women and i dont want to upset them. The sex has been amazing. I'm in a quandry here. any advice?

Barracudaincork

Do they know about each other? Are you exclusive with either in their eyes?
What are you looking for? Sex? Relationship? etc etc









PS be prepared for potentially some comments saying your only posting to boast, we dont believe you, threesome etc etc

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

To be honest with you now, the first part of your post makes you sound like such a nice man who's had a very hard time of it but is doing his best. Then the second part you sound like a 20ish scumbag player messing with 2 women's feelings.

First of all do either of these women know about the other and are you using protection (condoms)? I'm going to assume that they don't know and that you are using condoms (because if you're not that's a whole different topic)

So anywho, you say both of these women are kind and nice and pretty, so why would you need to be with both of them? Do you feel guilty at all for sleeping with two women at once or are you still on a high? Because if the first part of your post is anything to go by the guilt should be setting in around now because I'm sure you realise that leading 2 women on is dog's behaviour.

So my advice is simple;

Tell them both and take whichever, if any, of them wants you.

OR

Tell neither of them, cop on and choose one and be exclusive and loyal.

I really think you're going to end up not being able to look yourself in the eye if you continue sleeping with both women when they don't know about the other. It's lovely that you've found a potential girlfriend but don't ruin it by being greedy, do the right thing.

Nevyn

What ever arrangements consenting adults come to it is between them.
I do think honesty is the best policy, have you had conversations with either woman about your arrangements being exclusive?

Pyr0

If both women consider it as a bit of fun, nothing serious, bit of sex every now and again and are happy with that then I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. You just have to find out what their thoughts are on it first, do it casually and not in a mad serious "we need to chat about things.." type way.

daisybelle2008

Agree with above poster. The women may not have a problem with it. Sounds like both do not involve any serious commitment. Maybe the women are just in it for the sex too. Not sure if you have to choose. If it is bothering you just ask them. If you decide to get more serious and see a future with one, then give up the other.

cafecolour

It really depends on how serious the women think this is.

In the US, for instance, it's actually pretty normal to date a couple women for a while before you get exclusive with one. In Ireland it often goes to exclusivity almost immediately. I have no idea what the cultural norms are for Romania or Hungary.

aidan24326

In a muddle wrote: »

The sex has been amazing. I'm in a quandry here. any advice?

Ok. You're a guy in your fifties having great sex with two hot younger girls. Firstly, good for you!

Now, you're not in a relationship with either of them, not yet anyway, so strictly speaking you're not doing a whole lot wrong.

Should the situation become more serious with one of them, then you have a quandary. Right now I'd say enjoy your fun!

Seriously though, it boils down to whether you actually have feelings for either of these girls and whethere there's any chance of it developing into more than just a bit of fun. If that's the case then you know what you need to do.

Exclamation Marc

From your description, and maybe I'm wrong or you phrased it in a way not concurrent with your feelings, but it seems like you have more of a connection with the first girl, and the second is based more on sex.

Having two sexual relationships on a continuous basis is risky in case either develops further into feelings either on your part of theirs. The last thing you want is both girls wanting a lot more than what you currently have and being completely stuck, and eventually getting caught.

As I said, it sounds like you have more of a connection with the first girl, but even if it is just down to sex, you're best off nipping it in the bud, stick with one girl, because as you said yourself, you love/sex life has been non-existant, and if you don't sort out this issue and choose one, you may lose both and return to the non-existance.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Women are like buses - you wait ages for ine to arrive, and then 2 arrive at once, all of a sudden & you gotta make a choice about which one you get on. If you faff about making the choice, they'll both pull away from the stop, leaving you back where you started from... waiting for a bus.

dcmu

Relax. Enjoy it; you haven't made a commitment to either lady, so I don't see what the problem is? TBH if you can't enjoy the pleasure of two younger ladies with no strings sex, there's no hope for you.

Emme

In a muddle wrote: »

Hi,

as the title suggests I'm in a bit of a muddle at the moment. I'm in my early 50s, widowed with 2 sons, both grown up but one of them disabled. Ever since my wife died a few years ago I have been looking after my handicapped son. Its been tough juggling a job. My social & sex life has been non existant up to now. However that changed a few months ago when I began a sexual relationship with my son's carer. She's from Romania in her early 30s and a very nice looking lady. When we first met, we immediatley struck up a good rapport, having chats and she has been great to my son. Anyway one Monday afternoon around Christmas time while my son was away with relatives for a few days, she came over to my house to collect some items and I gave her a present. I invited her to stay for drinks and we had a nice chat. However as the evening progressed one thing led to another and we ended up up having sex in my bedroom. She was absolutley fantastic and ever since then we have been meeting up, she coming over and doing the deed about 3 times a week mostly in the evening.

Meanwhile in work a new cleaning lady started just after Christmas. She is also in her mid 20s, from Hungary and a very nice pleasant lady. We hit it off and to cut a long story short I have been having sex with her for the last couple of weeks either in my place or in hers at weekends. I'm absolutley confused and dont know what to do. They are both very lovely and pleasant women and i dont want to upset them. The sex has been amazing. I'm in a quandry here. any advice?

You've clearly had a hard time and it seems that strain of it all might have taken its toll on your late wife and you probably miss her still. You deserve to have some time out. As long as you're honest with both women (ie let them know about each other, including the sex part) and use condoms it wouldn't seem to be a big deal.

However, neither relationship seems to be a relationship of equals, so to speak. It all smells a bit "kid in a sweetshop" to me which is natural considering what you've been through. However, try to think of the women here and not just yourself and your own needs.

Is the Romanian lady who cares for your son an employee of yours? If so, are you comfortable having a sexual relationship with somebody you pay a wage at the end of the week/month? Regardless of whether she works with you or not, is she happy to share you with a 25 year old?

The lady from Hungary is relatively young and depending on how long she is here, might be feeling lonely and vulnerable in a foreign country. Is it fair for her to be sleeping with a much older man who is also sleeping with somebody else in the same bed? Would she not be better off to find somebody closer to her own age who would be faithful to her and really cherish her?

I know some of the guys here think you're "the man" and are backslapping you and congratulating you for bedding two youngwans at the same time :rolleyes:, but if you're not being honest with them both you're basically exploiting them.

ash23

If it's a mutual agreement that it's a sex only thing then fine. But if either women or both are expecting a relationship to develop or think that it is a relationship but just hasn't been discussed yet, then you are lying by omission.
If they literally just call over for a shag then you're probably grand. If you are going on dates with them, spending a lot of time with them aside from sex and basically have a relationship with them, then you're playing with fire.

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Many thanks for your comments. Now just to clarify a couple of things, both of the girls who i'm having a relationship with have never met and I intend to keep it that way for the time being. I am also being responsible and yes I am using condoms so no danger of any of them becoming pregnant.

Look I have been through alot over the last few years, first with my wife dying and then lokng after my handicapped son. I had virtually given up on any sex life until I employed this carer from Romania, Christina (not her real name) to look after my son. It happened it happened same with the cleaning girl in my work. I'm enjoying a sensual and fullfiling sexual relationship with 2 women right now and i'll see how things develop from there. I'm not some sleaze bag taking advantage of these innocent ladies. 3 of us are adults and well we are having a bit of fun. They havent discussed anything about relationships yet and i'm taking it for granted that they see it as being bit if fun too. Both of these girls have been in relationships since they came here so there are well experienced.

If I do fall for one then the other will be let down but thats life. I'm enjoying it so i'm going with the flow.

Carpe Diem.

LegacyUser

'They havent discussed anything about relationships yet and i'm taking it for granted that they see it as being bit if fun too'

Sorry boss but you're taking the piss there. I empathise you had a really hard time and you want to make the most of this. However, 'taking for granted' that neither of them want a realtionship is one thing. I still think think they deserve to know you're having sex with the other person as well.

I think you might be 'taking it for granted' because you don't want to address the issue directly. Which I find a bit cowardly. If they really don't mind the situation (as you are happy to assume) then why not just tell them for 100% clarity and honesty.

If your current assumption is right things will continue on as they are. If you're assumption turns out to be wrong about one of, or both of, these girls then at least you've been totally honest and not taken the piss out of them

davyjose

In a muddle wrote: »

Hi all,

Many thanks for your comments. Now just to clarify a couple of things, both of the girls who i'm having a relationship with have never met and I intend to keep it that way for the time being. I am also being responsible and yes I am using condoms so no danger of any of them becoming pregnant.

Look I have been through alot over the last few years, first with my wife dying and then lokng after my handicapped son. I had virtually given up on any sex life until I employed this carer from Romania, Christina (not her real name) to look after my son. It happened it happened same with the cleaning girl in my work. I'm enjoying a sensual and fullfiling sexual relationship with 2 women right now and i'll see how things develop from there. I'm not some sleaze bag taking advantage of these innocent ladies. 3 of us are adults and well we are having a bit of fun. They havent discussed anything about relationships yet and i'm taking it for granted that they see it as being bit if fun too. Both of these girls have been in relationships since they came here so there are well experienced.

If I do fall for one then the other will be let down but thats life. I'm enjoying it so i'm going with the flow.

Carpe Diem.

QED

/thread.

Enjoy mate

pfishfood

Perhaps taking your own advice and going with the flow is something a lot of people should take as you'll never know whats around the next corner.

Emme

In a muddle wrote: »

Hi all,

Many thanks for your comments. Now just to clarify a couple of things, both of the girls who i'm having a relationship with have never met and I intend to keep it that way for the time being. I am also being responsible and yes I am using condoms so no danger of any of them becoming pregnant.

They have never met or they don't know about each other? I don't have a problem with people having multiple partners as long as there is complete honesty between the people concerned. This doesn't seem to be the case here. That's just me though, I have no right to judge you or tell you what to do, I'm not a prude but I hate dishonesty and going behind people's backs.

In a muddle wrote: »

Look I have been through alot over the last few years, first with my wife dying and then lokng after my handicapped son. I had virtually given up on any sex life until I employed this carer from Romania, Christina (not her real name) to look after my son. It happened it happened same with the cleaning girl in my work.

I agree that you have been through a lot but so have other people. There are people who go through worse in life but don't use it to justify screwing two people at the same time without letting them know the full story. I risk being red-carded here, but in a nutshell you are screwing the hired help, compromising the professionalism of your son's carer and taking advantage of the cleaning girl at work. If they knew about each other and you were having threesomes it would be more honest.

In a muddle wrote: »

I'm enjoying a sensual and fullfiling sexual relationship with 2 women right now and i'll see how things develop from there.

Fulfilling for you maybe, but what about them?

In a muddle wrote: »

I'm not some sleaze bag taking advantage of these innocent ladies. 3 of us are adults and well we are having a bit of fun. They havent discussed anything about relationships yet and i'm taking it for granted that they see it as being bit if fun too. Both of these girls have been in relationships since they came here so there are well experienced.

One is your employee. The other is a cleaner at your work. They don't know about each other. You're taking it for granted that they see it as a bit of fun but what about them - how do they feel? They may have been in relationships before, but that doesn't devalue them or give anyone the right to be dishonest with them.

In a muddle wrote: »

If I do fall for one then the other will be let down but thats life. I'm enjoying it so i'm going with the flow.

Both of these girls deserve to know the truth and choose to remain in the situation with you or walk away and find an exclusive relationship if that's what they want. If they both choose to stay in the current situation then happy days for you.

In a muddle wrote: »

Carpe Diem.

OK, enjoy life, you've had a hard time, nobody's denying you that. However, the way you're treating these women seems to be your way of lashing out at a world that hasn't been fair to you. Hardship can inure us to the feelings of others and eat away at our souls. You had the love of a wife for many years, many people never have that in life. There are people who, through caring duties in their own families, miss out completely on the opportunity to find love and physical fulfillment in life with even one person.

Do whatever you want, but be honest with the women in your life.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, OP here. Just to give you an update on the events since February. I decided back in early March to stop seeing the Hungarian (Eva) girl from work. She viewed our fling as a bit of fun and was grand with it has since moved on. She no longer works in my place.

Last week I proposed to the Romanian lady, my son's carer (Christina) and she accepted. We are getting married in September. Both families are over the moon.

Thanks all for your advice.

Emme

in a muddle wrote: »

Hi guys, OP here. Just to give you an update on the events since February. I decided back in early March to stop seeing the Hungarian (Eva) girl from work. She viewed our fling as a bit of fun and was grand with it has since moved on. She no longer works in my place.

Last week I proposed to the Romanian lady, my son's carer (Christina) and she accepted. We are getting married in September. Both families are over the moon.

Thanks all for your advice.

Congratulations and the best of luck to both of you. Be faithful to Christina, be good to her and help her around the house and when you're married don't take her for granted. No more poking around with cleaners at work - does Christina know you were sleeping with somebody else while you were with her? Good marriages are built on loyalty, trust and honesty.

Another thing - when Christina was your employee she was getting an income from you but as your wife the situation will be different but her workload won't change unless you get someone else in to help so take this into account and show your appreciation for her in any way you can. She still needs some money she can call her own.

Partizan

I wish to offer you my congratulations OP. Be good to her and treat her like gold. You have a had a good few months with the 2 different women ye lucky sod