where do you go from here???????

augustus gloop

Hello ladies,
I am looking for some advice, and feel that the fairer sex can provide some guideance...
Everything I write is 100% true(unbelieveable as it will sound) so please, I only ask that you dont respond straight away, mull it over some because a direct response will be maybe not thought through fully....
A friend of mine came to me today and asked advice on this matter. some years ago we met abroad, and struck a great friendship up, we travelled around and acted the lad in a few countries, in new zealand my mate met a girl, and to cut a long story short, in a short space of time they fell for each other, now i moved on and did some travelling of my own, while my friend persued this girl. she had alot going for her and the fact she lived in ireland for a while, meant she understood our dry wit/humor etc. so when his visa ran out they sadly said goodbye, but not for good.
contact was maintained and it was not long before the young lady came over here and they spent a brief but wonderful time together, problem being, the girl has a very good and important job which she had to return for, so my friend asked for some time and he would one day return to her for good, but his home situation dictated he could not do much for a few years. THIS WAS MARCH 07, the way things were left was logical, both people could see others as they knew manogomy was virtually impossible, but they felt the bond they struck would see them through. amazingly they were in contact up until janurary last, untill a phone call came in the middle of the night from NZ.
My friend answered it expecting a drunk, but cute lady telling him how much she missed him, she was drunk alright, very drunk, so drunk in fact that she told him how she had gotten married in october 07! shellshocked he made his excuses and got off the line. he called her back the following day, demanding answers. She basically said that it was a marrage of practically, the groom was also irish, hence allowing her an irish passport, meaning she could live here with our hero.... he quickly dismissed this idea as bullsh!t, and they have not spoken since, it has been left to him to make the next contact so she has agreed not to contact him under any circumstances

Now while telling me this today, it was quite evident the effect this has had on my mate, and i was gob smacked, as i was very fond of her, and felt they were ideal partners.
to summarise, she got married 6 months after being in ireland with him.
she travelled parts of europe since that without telling our man.
she swears there is nothing but a platonic friendship between husband and wife.
she does not want them to cut contact as she still has the same feelings she claims to always have had for our man, and wants one day to be with him
he just doesnt know what to do, but believe me when i say that this guy was the best ladies man ever seen, who was never without a swarm of women around him, now he has more or less been crushed by this.

now, just a quick note, could this post stay relatively quiet, all i am afraid of is someone copying and pasting it to Ray Darcy or something as ovbiously the chap involved would be annoyed to say the least, but he is one of my best mates, and i really want to give the guy the best advice possible.
Is there any hope for this situation????

Jules

moved from tLL.

LegacyUser

Tell your friend to keep away from her! She's not right in the head! And that's from a girl's perspective

Alessandra

She got married without telling him and this to be honest is a dealbreaker, whether or not it was for more noble purposes, she should have said. I think it's a bit fishy saying that. She had been around Europe and hadn't told him? What else had she been lying about?
I have friends who live thousands of miles apart and see each other intermittently but they make they make their relationships work. I think the two of them could have been together from day 1 if they had really wanted to.
He should ask her what she wants of him and where they can go from there. Otherwise he should move on.

meditraitor

Tell your friend to keep away from that one, she probably thinks what she has done is fine :eek: There are some seriously crazy bints out there and she is one.

TheKells

She married an Irish guy so she could get an Irish passport to be with your friend? Why did she not just ask your friend to marry her?

If I was him I would just cut contact from her altogether, the trust is broken and its mad to think someone would be ok with you getting married behind their back.

we'llallhavetea_old

well call me crazy but i'd give her another shot.....

if they were as good as you say they were, i wouldn't throw it all away just yet. he has to sit down and talk the whole situation through with her.

if he just ignores her completely, how is he ever gonna get over this?? he will always wonder what could have been and always miss her if he ends it so abruptly.

i don't think he should be hasty.

augustus gloop

firstly sorry mods for putting this thread in the wrong place, now this was alot to take in yesterday so i did not remember everything when writing the post...very early on she proposed the idea of a marriage of convience, which was turned down as it seemed a bit crazy ovb.
to the person who said give it another shot... that was the sentiment of what i was trying to get across, he is very aware that he could be left spending his whole life wondering.... and I for one would be terrified by that prospect

we'llallhavetea_old

augustus gloop wrote: »

firstly sorry mods for putting this thread in the wrong place, now this was alot to take in yesterday so i did not remember everything when writing the post...very early on she proposed the idea of a marriage of convience, which was turned down as it seemed a bit crazy ovb.
to the person who said give it another shot... that was the sentiment of what i was trying to get across, he is very aware that he could be left spending his whole life wondering.... and I for one would be terrified by that prospect

well then he should definitely give it another shot! you can't live your live wondering what if.

everyone fcuks up.

Ickle Magoo

How much does he like her? Is he able to overlook the fact she got married in October 2007 and yet didn't discuss it, didn't tell him about it and took several YEARS to let him know it had happened - while claiming to have done it to be with him? It sounds more than a little suss to me. I think I'd be running in the opposite direction tbh, lots of people in the world why deliberately get entangled with someone who can't even be honest about something as monumental as getting hitched?!