Single Man Needs Help!!

NDC

Hi, girls!

Here's a plea for help from a single guy.

Time and again, I hear women say they'd love to be chatted up in the supermarket/bus stop/xtravision etc etc rather than be shouted at by some drunk guy in a loud bar.
Which is fair enough, I suppose. )

Anyway, being honest, I find that women aren't really that open to being approached. The more sincere I try, well, it seems I'm just not believed. I'm reasonably good looking, well presented, don't have any obvious drawbacks. Walking past/towards a woman, getting a smile is hard work! Actually, it always seems to happen when I'm not expecting it.

So, what's the story? Any opinions? Or, how about this? Can anyone tell me EXACTLY what they'd like to hear from a guy in that situation? Not so I can fool someone, just so I know how to approach this.

Please help!

Thanks.

krudler

The line between charming and creepy is a bit thin when out of the pub environment, its a hard one to call, women tend to have their guard up to being approached in a pub as you can just come across as a lecherous drunk, but approach them in an everyday environment and they'd probably be so taken aback they'd think you're mental. I much prefer meeting people outside the pub/club atmosphere, i find it much easier to talk to women when it doesnt seem like I have an agenda and its in a night out situation, best of luck though!

GirlOfGlass

To be honest if I was chatted up in a supermarket etc, I would probably be a bit freaked out. Your best bet would be to just chat someone up when in bar (mainly because it's a more relaxed environment then a shop or bus stop), but not while under the influence of alcohol so you don't come across as of of those 'asshole drunks'.

spinandscribble

even the best looking, presentable guys will have a problem if they say the wrong thing.
example, girl is holding melons, guy says i love those melons you have... yeah i know a obvious one but still...

the only time meeting someone in public has gone to meeting them once again for me has been while on transport. long journeys give you time to get to know one another a bit better.

I don't know about this thread, we're not here in this forum to dish out love life advise/ways of wimmin to the men folk of boards. Perhaps if this thread was generalised to all public encounters with the opposite sex it might be better?

Sprouts

spinandscribble wrote: »

even the best looking, presentable guys will have a problem if they say the wrong thing.
example, girl is holding melons, guy says i love those melons you have... yeah i know a obvious one but still...

the only time meeting someone in public has gone to meeting them once again for me has been while on transport. long journeys give you time to get to know one another a bit better.

I don't know about this thread, we're not here in this forum to dish out love life advise/ways of wimmin to the men folk of boards. Perhaps if this thread was generalised to all public encounters with the opposite sex it might be better?

He'll be thrown out by security if he hangs around the melons all day waiting to pounce on anyone who picks up the melons.

metrovelvet

I was approached the other day in the paper towel aisle of tesco by this guy trying to give me irish lessons by giving me the irish names for the produce at hand. It was altogether weird. So random.

Wolflikeme

GirlOfGlass wrote: »

To be honest if I was chatted up in a supermarket etc, I would probably be a bit freaked out. Your best bet would be to just chat someone up when in bar (mainly because it's a more relaxed environment then a shop or bus stop), but not while under the influence of alcohol so you don't come across as of of those 'asshole drunks'.

So it's OK for the girl to be drunk but, if the guy's a bit drunk and trying to chat a girl up he's an asshole? Or lecherous? I feel sorry for a lot of guys as this is what they're up against!

Silverfish

I'll be honest with you OP, I don't think women are the best people to ask about picking up women. Could probably give you a few pointers on how to chat up men, but I wouldn't have a clue where to start with chatting up women

Everyone here could tell you what works for them, but it'll probably mostly be different.


IMO, I wouldn't like to be chatted up in a supermarket/bus stop scenario. Chatted TO, yes.

Wolflikeme

Silverfish wrote: »

IMO, I wouldn't like to be chatted up in a supermarket/bus stop scenario. Chatted TO, yes.

OK but, if a guy is chatting to you then you and you think he's chatting you up it wouldn't be OK? What if he seems he's chatting to you but he is chatting you up?

Fickle or what!

Seriously though, I think Irish women are just used to the pub thing and anything else seems a bit strange at this stage.

GirlOfGlass

Wolflikeme wrote: »

So it's OK for the girl to be drunk but, if the guy's a bit drunk and trying to chat a girl up he's an asshole? Or lecherous? I feel sorry for a lot of guys as this is what they're up against!

Sorry, I should of said, make sure you approach a moderately sober girl. Which I think is obvious anyway. Who'd wanna chat up a drunk in general, whether it's a male or female.

Silverfish

Wolflikeme wrote: »

OK but, if a guy is chatting to you then you and you think he's chatting you up it wouldn't be OK? What if he seems he's chatting to you but he is chatting you up?

Fickle or what!

Seriously though, I think Irish women are just used to the pub thing and anything else seems a bit strange at this stage.

Being chatted up where you can see the person's end goal doesnt really do it for me.

I prefer two people having a chat and perhaps developing an interest, rather than 'Hey, if I say x,y and z, I can get this bird to come home with me'.

I wouldn't say I'm fickle.

Wolflikeme

GirlOfGlass wrote: »

Sorry, I should of said, make sure you approach a moderately sober girl. Which I think is obvious anyway. Who'd wanna chat up a drunk in general, whether it's a male or female.

It's just girls ALWAYS moan when a drunk (not falling around the place drunk) guy chats them up. Trying to tell me all those girls are even moderately sober? I don't think so.

mcgalway1

google david deangelo

Silverfish

Wolflikeme wrote: »

It's just girls ALWAYS moan when a drunk (not falling around the place drunk) guy chats them up. Trying to tell me all those girls are even moderately sober? I don't think so.

Sorry, do you have a point you're trying to make, or are you just here to disagree when ladies give their opinion on being chatted up?

This is a forum for women to discuss things from a women's perspective, so telling women they're wrong for having an opinion in the first place is not really a great idea in this forum. Just to make it clear from the outset.

Wolflikeme

Silverfish wrote: »

Being chatted up where you can see the person's end goal doesnt really do it for me.

I prefer two people having a chat and perhaps developing an interest, rather than 'Hey, if I say x,y and z, I can get this bird to come home with me'.

I wouldn't say I'm fickle.

Nah I was just joking there when I said 'fickle'.

I understand what you mean. I hate the whole chatting up thing. What do you do for a living etc etc pretty standard in fairness but it just seems a lot of the same things are constantly being said and that doesn't do it for me either.

Ickle Magoo

Tbh OP, I've never, ever been a fan of being chatted up at all - I don't like being approached by guys I have never seen in my life before, I wouldn't ever agree to go on a date with someone know nothing about. I always meet my fellas through friends, a friend of a friend, so they are not a completely unknown quantity, etc.

I go pubbing and clubbing to spend time with my mates, not to find a date and when some guy approaches us with the idea of cornering one of us to "chat up", it just cues a lot of eye rolling and hoping he goes away asap.

Not what you want to hear, I know. Sorry.

NDC

Thanks, everyone, for replying.
I did figure that the whole approaching in public wasn't too popular. The only thing is that, as a single guy, I'm looking for a girlfriend, not a ride. Women approached in bars tend to assume...I think?

In passing, why shouldn't we discuss this in this forum, btw? Surely, women are interested in this too?

mood

I think the approaching in shops etc might not work because girls are not used to it. But you never know. It depends on the situation and the two people involved. What works for one person won't work for another.

Morgase

I'm in the "chat to me; don't chat me up" camp. I like when people talk to me like I'm a person rather than an end to a means

I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with talking to women in normal non-pub situations as long as you are just being friendly and not being creepy. Isn't it a much better way of seeing what a person is like, less pressure than in a pub / club somehow?

By the way OP I'm sure there's no problem in having a discussion about this topic here; it's more that some people (not you I'm sure!) sometimes stomp in and announce that all women are *insert opinion here*, which gets a bit wearing at times.

mood

Morgase wrote: »

I'm in the "chat to me; don't chat me up" camp. I like when people talk to me like I'm a person rather than an end to a means

I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with talking to women in normal non-pub situations as long as you are just being friendly and not being creepy. Isn't it a much better way of seeing what a person is like, less pressure than in a pub / club somehow?

By the way OP I'm sure there's no problem in having a discussion about this topic here; it's more that some people (not you I'm sure!) sometimes stomp in and announce that all women are *insert opinion here*, which gets a bit wearing at times.

Same here.

Gary ITR

I tend to chat to women in supermarkets (I do spend 10 hours a day going from supermarket to supermarket) but it usually starts with something mundane and if there's a little spark I might explore it further but you really have to be sure that's what the girl wants.

Also check her basket, look out for mens toiletries, family size toilet rolls etc... If you see 1/4 litre of milk, small packs of everything then she's shopping for one

Glico Man

I think its a cultural thing. I had the pleasure of taking a trip to the States last year where chatting people up in places outside the bar/club scene is common place. They consider it quite normal to walk up to someone shopping and start a conversation and eventually asking them out.

Here however if you try the same thing then you are viewed as an alien from another planet.

I chat to women outside the bar/club scene but don't chat them up...I learned my lesson the hard way after trying to bring the American idea back with me

mood

Onkle wrote: »

I tend to chat to women in supermarkets (I do spend 10 hours a day going from supermarket to supermarket) but it usually starts with something mundane and if there's a little spark I might explore it further but you really have to be sure that's what the girl wants.

Also check her basket, look out for mens toiletries, family size toilet rolls etc... If you see 1/4 litre of milk, small packs of everything then she's shopping for one

You can't always judge by shopping. I often buy toilet roll etc in bulk and don't buy those microwave meals for one.

Gary ITR

mood wrote: »

You can't always judge by shopping. I often buy toilet roll etc in bulk and don't buy those microwave meals for one.

It's a good yardstick though

mood

Onkle wrote: »

It's a good yardstick though

Maybe. I've never tried it myself.

panda100

Personally I wouldnt like to be chatted to in a supermarket as its rather akward to chat there,and I rather just do my shopping and get out of there.

However, If someone started to chatting to me in a video shop or a cafe I think that would be different as there both non-pressured environments.

I was once in the IFI reading Private Eye and a cute guy sat down at my table. After about 10 minutes he started chatting to me about Ian Hislop and 'Have I got news for you'. In the end we were chatting for around half an hour and he asked for my number. He never texted but still It was a nice way to be chatted up!

pickarooney

As soon as you make it obvious, even to yourself, that you're chatting up a woman I think you're on a loser. You need to absolutely not care, or give a very convincing impression of someone who does not care what happens as a result of talking to someone. I think most people, men and women, like the illusion of meeting someone 'by chance' or something 'just happening'. By all means, inject just the right amount of ambiguous flirtation into whatever you say, but don't, for heaven's sake, make it look like you'll be disappointed if you don't get anywhere with her.

Looks are nothing without charm.

seamus

Silverfish wrote: »

IMO, I wouldn't like to be chatted up in a supermarket/bus stop scenario. Chatted TO, yes.

I think this is probably the key here (and no doubt others have already said this), but outside of the pub environment, women (people in general probably) are less open to advances from the opposite sex. They're just going about their daily business, they don't have their "game face" on and they're generally in a more defensive stance.

What you need to do before you can even think about picking up a woman outside of the pub is to practise the art of casual conversation. This can be with anyone - man, woman, young, old, whatever. When you're standing beside or near someone (such as at a bus stop or in a supermarket), just make some throwaway comment, casually. Don't go out of your way to come up with something to say - if you can't think of anything, then don't say anything!
You'll start to get a feel then for people's receptiveness - some people won't be in the mood for chatting, other people will respond in a friendly manner and you can continue the light conversation if you wish.

The key is again as Silverfish points out - just chat *to* them, don't try to chat them up. If you find yourself coming up with random crap to keep their attention, you're going to lose. Likewise if you come on too strong and make overly flirty comments or ask for their number after 30 seconds, you'll be seen as a lech.
And don't become desperate - if the conversation starts to wane, end it, say "nice to talk to you" and walk away. You may meet them again, you may not, but you will come away with your dignity and your reputation intact.

As panda says, supermarkets may not be the best environment. If someone has a big trolley of stuff, they just want to get it done and get out of there. If they're carrying their shopping in their hand, they may be in a rush and are just picking up a couple of things. However, if it's a local supermarket it can be easier to make a connection because you can find out if they know who you know - if you're a friend of a friend that instantly gives you common ground and a certain level of trustworthiness.

That_Guy

NDC wrote: »

Hi, girls!

Here's a plea for help from a single guy.

Time and again, I hear women say they'd love to be chatted up in the supermarket/bus stop/xtravision etc etc rather than be shouted at by some drunk guy in a loud bar.
Which is fair enough, I suppose. )

Anyway, being honest, I find that women aren't really that open to being approached. The more sincere I try, well, it seems I'm just not believed. I'm reasonably good looking, well presented, don't have any obvious drawbacks. Walking past/towards a woman, getting a smile is hard work! Actually, it always seems to happen when I'm not expecting it.

So, what's the story? Any opinions? Or, how about this? Can anyone tell me EXACTLY what they'd like to hear from a guy in that situation? Not so I can fool someone, just so I know how to approach this.

Please help!

Thanks.

I know how you feel OP. It's a strange one.

I got talking to a couple of female friends and I asked them their opinion on talking to girls outside of the night club scene.

Both of them said that they'd find it weird and very strange yet these same girls are the ones who hate when they're chatted up in night clubs.

Now I know that these two girls don't speak for all girls but it just feels like a lose-lose situation sometimes.

I never really talk to girls in night clubs at all and I'd personally rather take a chance and talk to a girl outside of a night club where I could talk to her normally and actually hear her but my friends words of wisdom (:rolleyes:) really put me off doing anything.

It's a strange one.

Alessandra

Hm it's a tough one. I'm usually the first to tell my male friends to approach women on the street. When travelling recently I was approached by a nice looking guy, well presented etc but for some reason alarm bells were ringing because it was somewhat out of the blue. I kind of regretted sending him on his way after that because he seemed quite genuine.

I guess Irish culture is a little bit different. Whereas it's common place in the US to get people on the street give you their cards we are definitely less progressive in that line. I wouldn't let that put you off, as long as you don't come across as creepy I think some women would be extremely receptive of an out of the blue "hi how's it going" or something to break the ice. Good luck!

southsiderosie

aaronh007 wrote: »

I think its a cultural thing. I had the pleasure of taking a trip to the States last year where chatting people up in places outside the bar/club scene is common place. They consider it quite normal to walk up to someone shopping and start a conversation and eventually asking them out.

Here however if you try the same thing then you are viewed as an alien from another planet.

I chat to women outside the bar/club scene but don't chat them up...I learned my lesson the hard way after trying to bring the American idea back with me

+1

I'm an American and I'm always a little amused by these chatting up threads on the boards. It's definitely cultural - in the States men and women get approached everywhere. Maybe it's just because I'm used to it, but sometimes it's easier to strike up a conversation with someone in a quieter environment like a cafe or a bookstore than at midnight in a bar when everyone is drunk. It is also less intimidating to approach someone when they are solo rather than when they are surrounded by a pack of friends who might stare or, god help you, start snickering.

From what I've taken from the boards, Irish women are more comfortable being approached in a pub, but not when men are totally wasted. Men are worried about being shot down in a bar so they have a few to work up their nerve. Clearly folks are working at cross purposes here! And nobody likes to go out alone, so everyone travels in packs, making approaching someone of the opposite sex even more intimidating. And then people take out their frustration on the boards.

I guess I'm just curious as to why so many Irish ladies think being approached outside of a pub is weird. Is it because there isn't anywhere else to socialize? Given how erratic Dublin Bus was when I was there, lord knows the bus stop could have been pick-up central in the evenings...

Scanlas The 2nd

My favourite opener for the daytime at the moment is " Hey, do you know where the nearest McDonalds ( or wherever) is?"....she starts answering......then I cut her off and say actually I don't really care about that, I just wanted to come over and flirt with you.( with a smile).

The reason I like this is it gets to the point, she might be wondering why is this guy talking to me or thinking I might be chatting her up so I let her know that I'm comfortable with her knowing I'm chatting her up from the beginning. Also it usually gets a laugh so thats always good.

Throughout the interaction it's very important that the woman doesn't think you've made your mind up about her from the beginning. You should give mixed signals and and let her try to figure out how much you like her. Get her to try and impress you, if she does make an effort to impress you let her know you like that about her, if she doesn't impress you you can always walk away. It's unattractive for a man to have already made his mind up a about a girl without getting to know her.

Don't bombard her with generic boring questions, balance out questions with statements. Don't just come out with "what's your name?" out of no where, it sets the dynamic that you are chasing her, it needs to be more balanced. Instead say something like "you seem interesting, whats your name?".

Stay away from nomal conversation you might have with your new colleague in the office, it's the death of attraction. Keep it fun and playful, and remember that you need to envourage her to put effort into the interaction, your chances fall when she perceives you are putting more effort into it than her. We value that which we have invested in.

Finally remember she's a human being who's lived a unique life for many years before she met you, she's not some abstract girl you are trying to get a good response from. Talk to her like you would someone you know very well already not like a stranger.

Novella

NDC wrote: »

Hi, girls!

Here's a plea for help from a single guy.

Time and again, I hear women say they'd love to be chatted up in the supermarket/bus stop/xtravision etc etc rather than be shouted at by some drunk guy in a loud bar.
Which is fair enough, I suppose. )

Anyway, being honest, I find that women aren't really that open to being approached. The more sincere I try, well, it seems I'm just not believed. I'm reasonably good looking, well presented, don't have any obvious drawbacks. Walking past/towards a woman, getting a smile is hard work! Actually, it always seems to happen when I'm not expecting it.

So, what's the story? Any opinions? Or, how about this? Can anyone tell me EXACTLY what they'd like to hear from a guy in that situation? Not so I can fool someone, just so I know how to approach this.

Please help!

Thanks.

You know what?! I'm pretty friendly (I think!) with people I don't know so I always end up having chats with people (men and women) in places like shops and at bus stops.
Anyway, today, I was in Waterstone's, buying some new books. The guy at the till was really friendly and we had a nice little natter about the books I was buying. He had read one of them and was saying how great it was etc. Then he asked me did I know how to cop and paste on a Mac! (I had my Macbook in my arms 'cause I'd just had it fixed.) Some other conversation ensued.
Another customer came to the till so I pretty much said I'd be off, goodbye and thanks. Then, he asked me would I like to maybe chat some more, could he have my number! I honestly got such a shock
I have had so many five minute conversations with people and then just left it at that, that it never clicked in my head that maybe we'd been 'flirting'.

It's funny 'cause if I was out in some pub or club and had a chat with the very same guy and he'd said, "Oh hey, can I have you number?", it wouldn't have struck me as out of the ordinary at all!

I thought it was really nice. I think that maybe in Ireland we just have this thing of, "This is day to day stuff, I go into the shop, I don't know anyone so I'll say please and thanks and that I'm fine if anyone asks and hopefully that'll be enough to pass me off as polite but I won't be weirdo chatting to a stranger".
Come Friday or Saturday night it's, "Ah, grand, I'm in the pub and I've had a few drinks so now it's ok to ask that person I don't know if she'd like to dance (or insert something else here!)".

I dunno. I think it'd be good if we could just chat anywhere and being asked for your number in a bookshop wasn't like a slap across the face!

irishh_bob

NDC wrote: »

Hi, girls!

Here's a plea for help from a single guy.

Time and again, I hear women say they'd love to be chatted up in the supermarket/bus stop/xtravision etc etc rather than be shouted at by some drunk guy in a loud bar.
Which is fair enough, I suppose. )

Anyway, being honest, I find that women aren't really that open to being approached. The more sincere I try, well, it seems I'm just not believed. I'm reasonably good looking, well presented, don't have any obvious drawbacks. Walking past/towards a woman, getting a smile is hard work! Actually, it always seems to happen when I'm not expecting it.

So, what's the story? Any opinions? Or, how about this? Can anyone tell me EXACTLY what they'd like to hear from a guy in that situation? Not so I can fool someone, just so I know how to approach this.

Please help!

Thanks.

those results stem from surveys carried out overseas , irish women are incredibly hostile , uptight , conservative when it comes to being approached outside of the traditional meet up areas , dont know where you reside but in rural ireland , unless you actually know a girls cousin , brother , etc or are part of thier social circle , doesnt matter if you have bradd pitts looks or jack nicholsons charm , were you to launch a pick up line in thier direction at the local tesco , you would be more likely to get a bag of tomatoes coming your way than a phone number

Red Hand

Novella wrote: »

I thought it was really nice. I think that maybe in Ireland we just have this thing of, "This is day to day stuff, I go into the shop, I don't know anyone so I'll say please and thanks and that I'm fine if anyone asks and hopefully that'll be enough to pass me off as polite but I won't be weirdo chatting to a stranger".

I dunno. I think it'd be good if we could just chat anywhere and being asked for your number in a bookshop wasn't like a slap across the face!

I grew up in rural Ireland and we'd a family business there (a garage) and looking back on it now, people in the yard waiting for their cars etc would talk an awful lot while saying very little, whether it was customers who knew each other or didn't know each other-they would still chat about any old thing. That's what I remember as a boy.

I'm in my mid twenties now and find myself just like you describe above...get messages, please, thank you, in and out, no chat and I guess it's something I miss. I used to do it before when younger, like if I was in a room or something waiting with another person, or on a bus or something, just talk about something. It doesn't really go down well with many people-you get the "wtf, why are you speaking? We're strangers" look from some and then others are shut off with texting and iPods. Older people as in 50+ are more open to speaking to strangers.

And no, I don't subscribe to Irish Bob's anti-Irish women rant...what I'm talking about is just general chat between random Irish people. It's something that is gone.

2manyconditions

Jeremiah 33 3 wrote: »

...what I'm talking about is just general chat between random Irish people. It's something that is gone.

Its not totally gone - its not as prevalent. Its def still in the country tho.

If someone started chatting me up in the shop I'd give a v. polite one liner reply and move along. Its not a great place to chat someone up.

I'm one of the ones who much prefers being chatted up in a pub, its easier too to let them know your not interested by putting it in a light way whereas if I was sober, I'd have to say no thanks very much and its awkard. My guard is up anyway the rest of the time, to filter out the many physcos out there who just strike up conversations and it ends up they are 'do you believe in God' preachers or somthing.

i suggest joining a club of some description and getting to know gals with similar interests rather than trying to be more americanised - we already have the 'dating' scene starting to creep in.

Giselle

I'd rather be chatted to almost anywhere but in the pub. When he isn't half cocked/locked/whatever, its easier to get to know someone.

Most unusual place I met someone I went out with was in the GP's waiting room.

shellyboo

irishh_bob wrote: »

those results stem from surveys carried out overseas , irish women are incredibly hostile , uptight , conservative when it comes to being approached outside of the traditional meet up areas , dont know where you reside but in rural ireland , unless you actually know a girls cousin , brother , etc or are part of thier social circle , doesnt matter if you have bradd pitts looks or jack nicholsons charm , were you to launch a pick up line in thier direction at the local tesco , you would be more likely to get a bag of tomatoes coming your way than a phone number

Leaving aside the random stereotypical abuse, ever stop to think that it's the way you're approaching that's the problem and not the women? I can assure you if Brad Pitt himself was my brother's best mate and he "launched a pickup line in my direction" I'd roll my eyes and write him off. I prefer being engaged as a human being with a brain instead of a target, an aim, a task to be overcome with rote lines and techniques.

Decent women will be open to having innocent conversation with polite, non-threatening men no matter where you approach them. Those who are hostile aren't worth bothering about - but neither are blokes with chips on their shoulders about approaching women, tbh.

Scanlas The 2nd

shellyboo wrote: »

Leaving aside the random stereotypical abuse, ever stop to think that it's the way you're approaching that's the problem and not the women? I can assure you if Brad Pitt himself was my brother's best mate and he "launched a pickup line in my direction" I'd roll my eyes and write him off. I prefer being engaged as a human being with a brain instead of a target, an aim, a task to be overcome with rote lines and techniques.

Decent women will be open to having innocent conversation with polite, non-threatening men no matter where you approach them. Those who are hostile aren't worth bothering about - but neither are blokes with chips on their shoulders about approaching women, tbh.

I always find it strange that women who are rude are supposedly not worth bothering about. I know lots of women who take pleasure in being rude and making fun of men approaching them, but they definitely are worth knowing, they are great fun to be around if you get to know them. The whole " then they're not worth bothering about" excuse from witnessing 20 seconds of their lifetime is just a rationalization to reassert a feeling of superiority or to get rid of the feeling of inferiority.

G86

Novella wrote: »

You know what?! I'm pretty friendly (I think!) with people I don't know so I always end up having chats with people (men and women) in places like shops and at bus stops.
Anyway, today, I was in Waterstone's, buying some new books. The guy at the till was really friendly and we had a nice little natter about the books I was buying. He had read one of them and was saying how great it was etc. Then he asked me did I know how to cop and paste on a Mac! (I had my Macbook in my arms 'cause I'd just had it fixed.) Some other conversation ensued.
Another customer came to the till so I pretty much said I'd be off, goodbye and thanks. Then, he asked me would I like to maybe chat some more, could he have my number! I honestly got such a shock
I have had so many five minute conversations with people and then just left it at that, that it never clicked in my head that maybe we'd been 'flirting'.

It's funny 'cause if I was out in some pub or club and had a chat with the very same guy and he'd said, "Oh hey, can I have you number?", it wouldn't have struck me as out of the ordinary at all!

I thought it was really nice. I think that maybe in Ireland we just have this thing of, "This is day to day stuff, I go into the shop, I don't know anyone so I'll say please and thanks and that I'm fine if anyone asks and hopefully that'll be enough to pass me off as polite but I won't be weirdo chatting to a stranger".
Come Friday or Saturday night it's, "Ah, grand, I'm in the pub and I've had a few drinks so now it's ok to ask that person I don't know if she'd like to dance (or insert something else here!)".

I dunno. I think it'd be good if we could just chat anywhere and being asked for your number in a bookshop wasn't like a slap across the face!

Ahhh that's sooo cute!!! Did you give it to him?! Aye I know most of my friends would get freaked out by it but I think it's lovely!

sam34

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I always find it strange that women who are rude are supposedly not worth bothering about. I know lots of women who take pleasure in being rude and making fun of men approaching them, but they definitely are worth knowing, they are great fun to be around if you get to know them. The whole " then they're not worth bothering about" excuse from witnessing 20 seconds of their lifetime is just a rationalization to reassert a feeling of superiority or to get rid of the feeling of inferiority.

the bit i have bolded just doesnt make sense to me

there is no call to be rude to a man who has approached you, and certainly no need to ridicule and make fun of him.

those are not, imo, the actions of a decent human being.

an elderly relative once said to me that if you want to judge someones character, you should look at how they treat people who they dont "need" to be nice to..... eg, one of the consultants where i work is lovely to her secretary, because having a good relationship with the secretary will make her life much easier, but she is obnoxious and rude to my secretary, because she needs nothing from her, and my secretary cant enhance her life in any way, so the woman clearly has a "why bother" attitude towards my secretary... that tells me an awful lot about her character, and its clear to me that she is not a very nice person.

common courtesy and common decency are, sadly, not that common.

Wibbs

sam34 wrote: »

an elderly relative once said to me that if you want to judge someones character, you should look at how they treat people who they dont "need" to be nice to.....

Good advice that. I would say goes even more for romantic relationships. A good judge of a potential partner, man or woman is how they deal with people of the opposite sex they dont want to sleep/get involved with. That's usually their default setting and that's likely what you'll see once the initial shine and novelty has gone off the relationship.

I've known women like Scanlas has mentioned and yes it can be fun while its fun, but you really dont want to be in there long term. Ive seen similar with men with women mates of mine.

Novella

G86 wrote: »

Ahhh that's sooo cute!!! Did you give it to him?! Aye I know most of my friends would get freaked out by it but I think it's lovely!

Haha, yeah. After standing there in complete and utter shock for what seemed like half an hour, my brain eventually processed what had just happened and I gave him my number on the receipt he'd just given me.
He texted me a while later too!

It was lovely. Perked up my day anyway.

irishh_bob

shellyboo wrote: »

Leaving aside the random stereotypical abuse, ever stop to think that it's the way you're approaching that's the problem and not the women? I can assure you if Brad Pitt himself was my brother's best mate and he "launched a pickup line in my direction" I'd roll my eyes and write him off. I prefer being engaged as a human being with a brain instead of a target, an aim, a task to be overcome with rote lines and techniques.

Decent women will be open to having innocent conversation with polite, non-threatening men no matter where you approach them. Those who are hostile aren't worth bothering about - but neither are blokes with chips on their shoulders about approaching women, tbh.

since when have women been interested in non threarening men

Jules

Irish Bob, leave it out! There are plenty of woman who are.

Wolflikeme

Giselle wrote: »

I'd rather be chatted to almost anywhere but in the pub. When he isn't half cocked/locked/whatever, its easier to get to know someone.

Not only is it easier to get to know someone but, it's more genuine as well. You don't know how you really feel if you're drunk chatting to someone. You may like how they look and there could be more of an attraction after speaking with them but, I think outside of that arena it's easier to gauge someone and determine if you could be genuine about them, if you get me. Also, the conversation outside of the pub/club scene tends to vary more imo.

BLACKEN

mcgalway1 wrote: »

google david deangelo

YE B***ARD! Dont be giving away our secrets to the females! :mad::mad::pac::p

Nah personally i love going to groups and clubs cos women and men are very open to approach! never really had much luck with the old supermarket! irish women can be offended sooo easily!lol:P

I think the important thing here though is that your likely to be thinking jus do much into it! you need to be relax! Think of it from the girls point of view!

Relax and have fun!

ash23

I think the defensivness that Irish women show comes from years of being jeered by Irish men as teenagers.
Not sure about the rest of the ladies here but it wasn't uncommon in school for guys to ask you out and then say it was a joke/a dare/a bet etc.

So if I am approached in an unsuitable place (guy in the jacuzzi last week with all his mates - take note), then my initial reaction is "where's the punchline?".

If I were chatting to someone about something and getting on well with them, then I would give them my number.
If a randomer walks up to me in a shop/cafe etc and straight off asks me for my number then I'm not going to give it to them.
Safety is another aspect. A few mins of conversation isn't enough to judge someone on. 10-15 mins yes, maybe you'd get an idea that they aren't freaky stalkers.

irishh_bob

ash23 wrote: »

I think the defensivness that Irish women show comes from years of being jeered by Irish men as teenagers.
Not sure about the rest of the ladies here but it wasn't uncommon in school for guys to ask you out and then say it was a joke/a dare/a bet etc.

So if I am approached in an unsuitable place (guy in the jacuzzi last week with all his mates - take note), then my initial reaction is "where's the punchline?".

If I were chatting to someone about something and getting on well with them, then I would give them my number.
If a randomer walks up to me in a shop/cafe etc and straight off asks me for my number then I'm not going to give it to them.
Safety is another aspect. A few mins of conversation isn't enough to judge someone on. 10-15 mins yes, maybe you'd get an idea that they aren't freaky stalkers.

you were chatted up in a public jacuzzi last week ??? , doesnt sound like a place where the reserved would hang out

ash23

irishh_bob wrote: »

you were chatted up in a public jacuzzi last week ??? , doesnt sound like a place where the reserved would hang out

I was in the jacuzzi the other night after my swim and about 5 guys bailed in. I was reluctant to get out first so sat there a while, eyes closed, ignoring the banter and the guy next to me asked me to go for a drink after.
With all the sniggering from his mates I couldn't take him seriously and I'm fairly sure he was pulling the p1ss.

So I told him I was married.

Wibbs

irishh_bob wrote: »

you were chatted up in a public jacuzzi last week ??? , doesnt sound like a place where the reserved would hang out

Meh I dont tend to get what laughingly passes for my physique out in public much, but Ive shared a jacuzzi with strangers of both genders. In fact the most socially open person I know would rather stick pins in their eys than get into a jacuzzi. Little to do with reserve, social or sexual.