eight years marriage at an end?

mayo01

This is my first time posting.

I have been married for nearly eight years and we have two children who I worship.

Unfortunately my wife and I have been having some problems which I suppose have been building up over some time.

She has always been fairly domineering but not in an obvious way. From the first time we met, I always felt that I had to check in with her before I did anything and invariably if it didn't suit her, it didn't happen.

I just seem to find myself compromising all the time and seem to constantly feel that I am a second class citizen, almost an employee. Recently however we have had some fairly major rows culminating in a physical fight in front of our kids. I finished up crying in the bathroom so that the kids couldnt see me. The fight was started by my wife and I reacted when I was being beaten in front of the children.

If it were not for the children, I would have left by now.

I do not want to hurt my kids. I do not want to be in this marriage. Is it better to stick with the marriage for teh sake of the kids and then throw my life away or do I leave. What impact will that have on the kids?

Angus Og

Just because you are a man, that doesn't mean it is all right to get beaten up. If you are worried about the effect of you walking away on the children, just think of the effect on them when they watch one of their parents being assaulted.

I don't think it is a good idea for this marriage to continue, not when it has descended into physical violence. Even if you walk away, you don't have to go far. You wouldn't be abandoning your children.

http://www.amen.ie/

metrovelvet

You are doing your kids no favors by letting them watch you get abused. You are teaching them this is what love is. You must leave. You must also decide if it is safe to leave your kids with her. I wouldn't.

Miller Boy

Hi Op. I have to say I agree with Angus Og and Metrovelvet. Unfortunately, you have only one life. You don't want to look back with regrets in twenty years time.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I knew a young girl once, her parents stuck together through what you're describing. I was talking with her one day and she was able to tell me about an argument she witnessed when she was about 4/5, the guy had been choking the woman, she described to me her utter confusion, terror and guilt, how she still dreamt about it, how she felt guilty because she knew she should ring the police but she didn't know the number. It broke my heart, children are destroyed by violence, their confidence, piece of mind, happiness, everything will be ruined, witnessing violence will scar children so much more than their parents splitting up. Yeah it's sad that your marraige is over but staying will hurt your children way way way more than leaving. You need to get yourself into councelling and get some support. It's so backwards that people think that domestic violence towards men is somehow not as serious, it doesn't matter what gender you are, you NEVER deserve to get hit. Get in touch with amen and they will help and support you, if you're feeling very low do it for your children if you can't do it for yourself.

The very best of luck OP.

mayo01

Thanks folks for all your help.

I have contacted Amen so hopefully I will get some help there.

Things aren't too bad at the moment, I have always wondered why women being abused don't just leave their husbands. Now I think I know why, its such a huge step and probably harder for men as society will not understand.

Maybe I'll give it one last chance for the sake of the children but if the same thing happens again, I think thats it.

Anyway, thanks again for your help.

Beruthiel

Don't worry too much about your children.
In the long run, if you are a happier person then that will be what they see and aspire to.
Watching a parent spend half their life being miserable for their sakes is not something any child would wish for. Nor is it a healthy environment to be brought up in.

As long as you continually show them that you love them and spend a consistant amount of time with them on a regular basis, then you will all become used to that way of living.
Best of luck.

Sleepy

metrovelvet wrote: »

You are doing your kids no favors by letting them watch you get abused. You are teaching them this is what love is. You must leave. You must also decide if it is safe to leave your kids with her. I wouldn't.

If you're a regular on boards you'll have seen that myself and metrovelvet rarely agree on much but in this I agree with her completely. Send your wife packing.