Friends to More...

SlickRic

This has probably been asked a million times in here, but...

You've been friends with a girl for just over 2 years.

Didn't think anything until a couple of months ago.

Now I'm interested.

Sometimes I think she could be, sometimes not. You never know with some women. They can be vague.

Now I'm normally not too shy about taking the initiative, but a little subtelty might be in order here, I don't know.

but how do you get out of the 'Friend Zone' without potentially ruining everything?

Some tips...

Or is that just a risk you're going to have to take??

I should also mention...I've been out with 2 of her better friends...

That_Guy

From experience I've hooked up with two female friends in the past. Eveerything seemed great because we knew each other so well and always have a laugh.

I didn't "break out of the friend zone" as such but it just happened spontaneously. Ended up going out with both of them (seperate times of course and for the record the two girls in question are not friends at all) and everything seemed to be going great.

We broke up though due to various reasons and both girls treated me very coldly afterwards. Everything had changed and it felt that years of friendship had just gone completely down the drain. Horrible place to be stuck in.

I still talked to the girls for a little while after but both of them were very short with me and we ended up just having constant arguments over stupid things and we fell apart.

I wouldn't like to fall into that sort of situation again. However, I do know some people who have gone out with their friends and it's worked out for them but I said to myself, due to my experiences that I wouldn't want that again as there'd be a huge rift in the friendship that I've forged with people over many months.

Best of luck though mate.

mood

I'm female and would never consider going out with a friends ex. It's just too messy.

SlickRic

mood wrote: »

I'm female and would never consider going out with a friends ex. It's just too messy.

to be honest, amongst all the other waffle i wrote, this is my main issue, and is why i would be so reluctant.

sorrywhat

This is probably because Ive been there and didn't work.
I went out with my best friend. We had been friends for years. He was there when I had my heart broken, I was there for him in similiar situations. About 5 years into our friendship I decided I wanted more.

I mentioned it to a mutual friend who told X is mad about me. So I though excellent.

So we went out for about 2 months and it was the wierdest thing ever. Now I know we were friends fro years and the OP situation is a little different.

Now dont get me wrong, it was a laugh. We got on great, didnt argue but it felt wrong.

Everytime we kissed or had sex I felt wierded out. So I sat him down and broke up with him.

I didnt realise how much he liked me and for how long. But in those 2 months we were together I threw away 5 years of friendship. When I walked into a room he walked out. It was horrible.

Eventually we started talking again but even now its ok a brief hello. What you up to these day etc.

So just from my experiance Id hate to be in that situation again.

But I have seen 2 of my best friends hook up, and 3 years later they are still going out. Everyone is different.

Good luck with it though.

NoDice

I have to agree and disagree with other posters here. I have had both experiences. I went out with one of my best friends, very similar to sorrywhat's story and the result was the same. We had a laugh and all but it was too weird.

However, I am currently going out with another one of my best friends (from a different friend group, work related) and have genuinely never been happier. We were both going out with someone, had no idea he was interested in me and vice versa but we ended up kissing one night out of the blue and went from there. Not the best situation but it wouldn't have happened if we were happy at the time. I've always had that situation where I became friends with a guy and eventually we started going out but this is defo different.

We're now living together, have a dog, everything is just perfect and I'm not just saying that to be cheesey.

I think you should go for it. Everyone is different and no matter what somebody says in a forum I have a feeling you've somewhat made up your mind about what you'll do yourself.

IMO I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering "what could have happened".

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

TangyZizzle

From experience, its a horrible idea.
We were quite young, even after the breakup, we tried just bein friends, goin to the cinema .. hanging out like old times and so on, it never felt right though. Even today, Ill pass her on the way up the street and we will completely blank each other.

Dont do it.

Otis Driftwood

From my own POV I very much doubt that I could ever date a girl that had dated 2 of my friends,just too damn weird so that could be a big factor for her.

Ive been in a similar situation before,laid it on the line,got rejected and it resulted in the friendship being mucked up beyond repair.

Conversely,I developed feelings about a different close female friend when I was doing my leaving but decided not to say anything and 12 odd years later she is still one of my best mates and I have no sexual interest in her whatsoever.We meet up every few months and go for dinner/drinks etc and I honestly wouldnt change that for the world.

Its a crappy situation to be in and ultimately it comes down to whether you are willing to risk the friendship.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

Cicero

hmmmm...Just one question OP: has something changed lately to bring this on?...are you just over one relationship, and looking for another sort of thing...? ..my gut is discuss it with her....ask her how she feels....depends on what's going on with her life also...probably need a bit more info before coming down on either DO or Don't but certainly wouldn't rule it out...have seen successes in this in the past...best of luck...

SlickRic

no, i'm not out of any recent relationship at all. that was well over a year ago, and it was as clean as clean can be.

you know how it is...you get on better, talk more often, see them differently, that sort of thing.

i'm veering towards the discuss it option alright; it can't really hurt if she's at all mature about it.

i'm loathe to ask any friends to 'scout the possibility', even though that's probably an obvious option, considering i've a fair few friends who would be friends with her....that all seems so wussy.

Cicero

SlickRic wrote: »

you know how it is...you get on better, talk more often, see them differently, that sort of thing.

i'm veering towards the discuss it option alright; it can't really hurt if she's at all mature about it.

........yea, that's what I gathered from your post- and the fact that ure saying to discuss it in a 'mature' way...well...now it's down to when/where/how.....

btw...wouldn't be mad on the asking friends' suggestion....assume ure in ure 20s or so?...think that day is gone....could ask a close friend in confidence their opinion, but that can always backfire also......naw,,,if it's still there in a week, approach it as a subject like any other....something like, "why do you suppose we never went out.... or something like that.."...sorry, I'm sure someone else here will have a better opening line than that...

SlickRic

yeah i wouldn't do the friends thing ever i don't think; that day is well well gone.

i think i can be smooth enough to slip it into conversation in some way.

it's just to decide for sure if it's worth it. then where/when/how...

if there's anything to be concluded from the thread, there's no definitive right or wrong to the question; it's all situation dependant, but to be thought about very carefully enough.

Sarah**

Ian?! lol!

Sorry i am in the same situation. Friends with a guy now for about 5 to 6 years! We hang out and do dinner or cinema once a week and we have been together three times now. Most recent being saturday night just gone. We fell out big time after the last time it happened and just got our friendship back to normal when it happened again on Saturday!!

I dont know what to say or do about it and from reading this it is hard to know whether to bring it up and talk about it or leave it altogether.

The only thing i can ask you.... Do you see yourself with this person in the longterm? Can you see a furture there?

OldGoat

Faint heart never won fair maid so screw your courage to the sticking point and tell the woman what you feel.
The potential hurt is no worse then the lifelong regret of a missed opportunity.

SlickRic

i can honestly say i wouldn't consider sparking something, if there weren't the possibility of a future.

it's a tough one, but it always will be.

the age old balance between 'you'll never know if you never put it out there' and risking hurting a friendship.

Sarah**

Well I guess maybe ask her over or organise to do something together and see what happens...

If she is your friend you know he better and are in a better position to feel the situation out.

I'm going to sit down with him and talk to him about it next week because it is mental all thats going on. This is the third time we have been together and we fit well and i dont laugh as much as i do when im around him.

So risk it.... the reward could be worth so much more! And if it isnt meant to be, put it down to experience and be glad you took the chance.... You could go through every day thinking "what if?"....

Snowie

It really depends....


I once had this crush, on a friend we talked every day i found my self fantassing about what if....so one day I plucked up the courage and told her....She never said anything.... she really didnt know what to say.

so I said dont say anything, so she didn't!

that was 5 years ago.

where better friends then we where, now where older we disscussed what i once said... I said things like how betrayed she may have felt and told her why.... I had those feelings etc... It really depends on where your at in your life are you booth confiding in each other over releationships because if youve given her advice about her own reletionships etc .... That could make you look like you had a hidden agenda....

force majeure

When you look back there will be things you well regret. You might think you always make the wrong decision... you are wrong. You well have made the right decision as that is life itself... decisions. Do what you feel to be right in the time and you can always remind yourself off this years from now.

I well not bore you with my own experience as that is off no use to you.
Instead ask yourself... can you take the hit if she says no or it goes bad... do you feel you can stay friends regardless the out come... what ever you do do not back her in to a corner.