Is he taking the Mick or what?

LegacyUser

So this guy broke up with me and his main reason was that I liked him too much and he wasn't sure how he felt about me but that he didn't think he liked me as much as I liked him so he didn't think that was fair and that's why he dumped me.

We've texted back and forth and I know he's been dating other girls since but I still miss him. I miss him a lot. And so sometimes I initiate contact and sometimes he does. I can't count how many times I've deleted his number, first time was after he told me he was dating again.

So anyway, Friday night I was drunk and I texted him and told him that I missed him. And last night (saturday night) he started texting me to say he was gonna call around to my house today and that he hoped I'd be in, inviting me out for a bite to eat this evening or maybe go to the cinema.... The texts weren't really that late so I didn't think he was that drunk but anyway, he said he'd call over around 4.30. So 4 o'clock comes and I'm all nervous and ready ad looking forward to seeing him. Filling my head with notions of valentine's day and how romantic this could all be when 5 o'clock comes and there's no sign of him. About 5.15 comes and I texted him to see if he'd changed his mind and he said he hadn't gotten out of bed til 3 and asking if I have plans for tonight... wtf? My plans were to see him, like he'd said he would. I was so upset and mainly confused cos if I hadn't of texted him when he was almost an hour late would he have bothered getting in touch with me at all??

I feel so stupid and foolish for getting myself excited and I did try not to. I really tried not to get excited about him wanting to see me cos he'd said this before and never followed it through. I feel like I'm getting the complete run around here. I miss him, I really do, we had so much fun together, we really clicked, really hit it off but I'm getting messed about. Or do you think I over-reacted to him not turning up today, and the text he sent me? Should I have met up with him anyway?? I just felt embarrassed to admit I had no plans on valentine's day, when he's the one who's been dating since he dumped me for liking him too much

sorry for the mega post

Angus Og

He sounds like a feckin eejit, and a user. Get shut of him, or he'll keep it up.

You're way too nice for someone like that. Cut off all contact, and use this as a good reminder. He's no good (for you anyway).

lynsalot

Hey OP

To be fair.... plain and simple.... do you want someone whose going to treat you this way? Do you want to constantly feel like he's not that interested? You deserve someone who wants to impress you/ treat you/ make you feel special. I know you've said you kinda fell for him but listen i've been married and now am separated. I thought I couldn't live without my hubby. He broke it off with me.... but.... I've now started seeing someone else who treats me really well and it makes me realise that things happen for a reason. The reason i'm telling you this is that my ex didn't treat me right at all... I tried everything and he never made the effort. Yes it hurt... i was devastated but now i'm in a great place. So while it may be hard to let this one go, I think it may be for the best.

Why not start dating yourself? Have you checked out any of the dating websites? Start having some fun and dating and enjoying being single?

implausible

text messages, grrrrr :mad: Real men make phonecalls.

He's a loser, you put yourself out there and in a drunken state, he reciprocated and made a fool out of you. You liking him too much is sh*te, he's obviously a commitment-phobe and isn't interested, who found it easier to blame you. At least you knew what you wanted.

Learn from it and delete his number.

Forest Master

OP - here's my view.

He broke up with you because he didn't want to be with you anymore - sorry for the reality check. Maybe he was bored, maybe he had gotten what he wanted out of the relationship, or maybe he just wanted to be with other people. That old "I like you, but not as much as you like me - so it's not fair on you" excuse is just that - an excuse. It's years old, and is usually bullsh*t.

If he got out of bed @ 3pm yesterday, that likely means he was drunk & horny when he arranged to meet you the night before. Again - he was just looking to use you when it suited him.

Ditch him & move on. Delete his number, and ignore his texts from now on. He's a user and has no respect for you. Nothing good will come from prolonging this relationship.

miec

Hi Op

I am going to go slightly against the grain here of the other posters not because I want to put you down but because I was in a similar position to you ten years ago and it was horrible experience. Your ex boyfriend, as hard and cold as he is, was telling you the truth, you like him more than he does with you and he did you a favour by ending it and telling you this.

Would I be right in saying you put him on a pedastal and that every time you saw him when you were dating you obsessed about him, made sure you did everything he liked, tried to make him happy through a number of ways, etc. I would hazard a guess that you obsessed about him night and day, whilst he was the centre of your world, you sadly were not the centre of his world. I have said this because when you said this

I really tried not to get excited about him wanting to see me cos he'd said this before and never followed it through. I feel like I'm getting the complete run around here. I miss him, I really do, we had so much fun together, we really clicked, really hit it off

and this

So 4 o'clock comes and I'm all nervous and ready ad looking forward to seeing him. Filling my head with notions of valentine's day and how romantic this could all be when 5 o'clock comes and there's no sign of him. About 5.15 comes and I texted him to see if he'd changed his mind and he said he hadn't gotten out of bed til 3 and asking if I have plans for tonight... wtf?

I used to do stuff like that. Waiting and waiting by the phone, he knew full well that you had no plans and he was truthful when he said he slept till three because to him you don't matter. I am so sorry to say this and it is a painful thing to acknowledge but I would urge you to do two things. Stop all contact with him, your feelings towards him are not equal or healthy and it is damaging to yourself. Secondly I would see if there is a pattern of this behaviour or if you have low self esteem and build yourself up from that. I learned a huge amount from a book called Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood and I would really reccommend it if you have a pattern of these relationships.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Read over your OP and imagine it's a friend saying that stuff and what your advice would be.

That guy is an immature user, all he will ever do is use you for an ego boost or whatever. He blatently doesn't respect you and you can't love someone if you don't respect them. You need to cut all contact, get him out of your head and move on.

I think you know yourself that you have to do this.

beks101

Logic and reason seem to fly out the door sometimes when it comes to affairs of the heart.

So OP, to spell it out for you: this guy made plans to spend time with you yesterday, Valentines Day. You agreed and structured your day to make room for these plans. He didn't follow through, didn't apologise for letting you down and didn't do anything to try and make it up to you. This is rude, inconsiderate, selfish and to word it a little stronger than you have, taking the p1ss.

Of course, there's the chance he was in fact drunk when he sent those texts on Saturday night, which is still a bit rude, inconsiderate and selfish in my books, and still completely taking the p1ss.

My advice would be, leave well enough alone. Bullet dodged. This guy doesn't give a crap. You're worth more.

LegacyUser

miec wrote: »

Would I be right in saying you put him on a pedastal and that every time you saw him when you were dating you obsessed about him, made sure you did everything he liked, tried to make him happy through a number of ways, etc. I would hazard a guess that you obsessed about him night and day, whilst he was the centre of your world, you sadly were not the centre of his world. I have said this because when you said this
and this

lol... no, that's not the case at all. I might have had him on a pedestal but I didn't obsess about him or think about him every day. He never gave me his opinion on how to keep him happy and he was definitely not the centre of my world. In fact, I felt slightly claustrophic in the relationship but it only went on for a few months so I figured his obsessiveness with me would eventually settle down into a normal amount of attention that he wanted from me. He usually arranged to meet up and he'd text me about 8 times a day, this isn't what I'm normally like and usually it'd make me run a mile from a guy but I liked him. I tried to get used to the idea that it was nice that he thought about me so much, instead of freaking out and dumping him.lol... we got along really well and it was def not one-sided.

Anyway I miss him because we're not together anymore, because I don't hear from him like 8 times a day but I do hear from him once a week now. I miss him because we had fun together, we had a laugh together and we had a really strong connection, stronger than I've ever felt with anyone before. I really thought we had something between us..... Anyway, back to yesterday, I don't think it was about sex either. Maybe he was using me to make himself feel better about not having a date for valentine's himself... I don't know. Late last night he texted me to say "sorry for pissing you about today".

Thanks for the responses, seems to be a very strong message there telling me to just put it behind me and move on. So that's what I'm gonna try to do. Thanks