Did I do the right thing?

gagiteebo

Hi everyone,

Last year I was travelling around the US and met a guy from Scotland who had been travelling around the world for the past year and this city was his last stop before he went home. We hit it off straight away and spent the following week together getting to know each other as much as you can in a week. Anyway the time came when we had to go our separate ways. We exchanged email addresses and phone numbers and we talked a lot, sometimes everyday, sometimes every second day but we got to know each other pretty well. After a while I decided I would go to Scotland and visit him and it went well and he came here and on it went. I met his parents and things were going well. He's about 6 years older than me and divorced but I didn't mind at all. My family and friends were great but they always said there was something they couldn't quite put their finger on that bugged them about him...I should have listened.

The last time I went to Scotland was in September and things went well until the day I was going home, he became really cold and distant and a nasty streak emerged that I had never seen before. He told me that he couldn't leave me to the airport as he was feeling sick and could I get there myself, I spent the journey home in a state of shock and when that wore off I cried for days (I know I know:rolleyes:) I tried to ask him what the problem was and he said we were getting on so well it scared him especially after all he had been through. The fool that I am I stayed in contact with him and listened as he filled with with bullsh*t about how I made such an impression on him and he can't stop thinking about me and he has really messed things up. Now I might be foolish at times but I'm not a complete idiot so I didn't believe a word he said and told him so but he persisted and I actually started to feel sorry for him. We were talking quite a lot again at this stage, I don't know why... I went to add him as a friend on facebook and as his page isn't private I could see onto his wall. I discovered that the whole time I had been seeing/talking to him etc he had been seeing another girl from Canada. Not only that but he went over there at Christmas to see her and she is now moving to Scotland. Now the last time he contacted me was about a week ago and filled me with all this crap so not only was he lying to me but also to her...

I decided to email this girl and tell her my experience with him as I wish someone would have told me about him before I got involved. It wasn't nasty or hurtful I just told her what had happened and said that if she is happy with him I wish them the best of luck but if I were her I would want to know. My friends know that I sent it and they think I did the right thing but they're my friends right?!

This isn't coming from a place of bitterness, I am with the most wonderful man at the minute whom I've known for years and this whole situation brought us together and this is right for me. He knows that I emailed this girl also.

I'd just like some unbiased opinions please, thanks guys

TheKells

Well I think you did the right thing.

ChocolateRamses

Yeah I think that's fair enough, if she doesn't know then, while she may not see it this way, you're doing her a huge favour.

sunshiner

i think you were right as well

Ickle Magoo

Yep, if I was the other girl, I'd want to know - I think you did the right thing. What was the alternative? Keep quiet and knowingly let her move to Scotland to be with a guy you know was cheating on her? At least now she has all the info she can make an informed decision about whether he's worth moving for.

Miller Boy

I absolutely agree with Ickle Magoo. And it sounds like you were, and continue to be, reasonable through it all. You had a lucky escape and you ended up with someone you really like.

I love happy endings!

theg81der

I think it is the right thing, I`m sure she`ll not heed it and he`ll tell her some crap about how you psycho stalked him etc etc but your good with the universe.

gagiteebo

Thanks guys, I just sent the email yesterday so have yet to see her response, if any. I'm just imagining how I would feel if I got an email about someone I was ready to move across an ocean for...heart sinking into the pit of your stomach kind of feeling but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell her as I would want to be told like I said.

Yes no doubt he will fill her with crap, he is extremely charming but it is up to her whether she chooses to heed it or not. I will keep ye posted as to whether or not she gets back to me.

Interesting dilemma. Some would say mind your own business but I think you did the girl a favour. She has the info now, she can decide. I had the same dilemma myself when I broke up with the ex. I continued to see him on a regular basis (just dinners in and films and stuff), I stayed at his house before I went to the airport, he sent me a happy valentines day text, all the while saying he was single. It's not that we were doing anything officially inappropriate, but he was not behaving like a man in a relationship and was clearly not over me at all. I find out a few months later that he'd been seeing a girl since a week after we broke up :rolleyes: I know I shouldn't have but I read her blog and there were posts and posts gushing about my ex, some from before we even broke up. She blatantly had no idea I even existed, let alone that her oh-so-perfect boyfriend was coming to mine for cosy nights in and giving me lifts all over the place. I asked a few friends if I should e-mail her and then said no, that I'd look bitter and jealous and that he'd probably brainwashed her (like your guy,OP, very charming and an excellent liar) so I left it.