ngggrrrrrrrrr

botbot

i broke up with my ex over six months ago and it seems that every time i think i've moved on, back he comes wrecking my head.

i posted here about it maybe two months ago because i was convinced he was trying to get back in my good books, and everyone seemed to agree that his actions were implying that he was testing the waters or something.. anyway, it's too long to explain all that again. but i decided that i wasn't going to encourage it and if he wanted something he'd have to grow a pair and come out with it...
so, that all fizzled out and i really felt i'd moved on, and then he appears last night, at a thing that he HAD to have known i'd be at, [one or two of his friends were there two though in fairness]

he comes up all chat and out of awkwardness i ended up asking him for something of mine back [it was a document thing that is important and i need for college but i'd no intention of asking for it while out, i was actually putting off contacting him about it, until i really needed it]
so all chirpy he goes 'i'll call over tomorrow with it!' i mean he has to know its valentines day right? so now i'll be pissed if he comes over and i've to small talk with my ex on valentines day, and i'll be equally pissed if he doesn't after saying he would.. ngrr

I don't even know what i'm asking here but i'm just angry and upset and wondering again.. constantly trying to figure out whats going on in his head. i was so happy last week :[

booksale

you still have feelings towards him i guess you know.

maybe he wants to be just friends, maybe he wants more.

if you are very sure you don't want to go back with him, and you don't want any friendship with him, just tell him nicely you don't want any contact.

botbot

well yeah, of course i do.
maybe i'm just to stubborn but i really really dont want to ask him to leave me alone. it would be admitting that i still care

kenbrady

botbot wrote: »

iat a thing that he HAD to have known i'd be at


constantly trying to figure out whats going on in his head.[

Is he not allowed to go to something you are at. You might be constantly thinking about him. He probably didn't give it a second thought that you would be there.

botbot

kenbrady wrote: »

Is he not allowed to go to something you are at. You might be constantly thinking about him. He probably didn't give it a second thought that you would be there.

well when you say it like that.. yes, i look like a crazy person.

maybe i'm reading too much into things.. not him being at the thing, but all the little things in the last few months, it's too long and complicated to type.. but generally contactiing me twice or three times a week, inviting me to things, asking me stupid questions that he could just ask anyone etc. etc. telling me about things he does now or doesn't do anymore
(i dont want to get into details but said things being stuff i was trying to get him to do or to stop doing..)

i guess i'm just anoyed with myself, i really thought i'd let go, and i suppose i haven't. the way he behaves around me always leaves me so confused

LegacyUser

OP, ask him straight out. Maybe his intentions are good. But in any event just to make it clear in your own head. Sometimes its easy to read the signals wrong. And you don't look like a crazy person at all!

botbot

but the thing is, i'm pretty sure i don't even want him back, in one way i do, i mean i love him, but mostly i just think that if this is what he is at [relating to the earlier stuff not last night] he's just a coward, so if i ask him, and it is, then i've proved my own point and i don't want to be with someone like that. that doesnt make as much sense written down as it did in my head.

lynsalot

Hey botbot, I think you need to be completely selfish with regards to exes... u need to look after yourself. So you don't need him calling over on V day so text him and tell him actually you're busy and to call on X day with the document. Or post it to you?

If u know in your heart the relationship ended for good reason and seeing him will only prolong the healing process then yes break all contact. And think of it this way... nothing has changed. You've still come a long way. Yes seeing an ex is upsetting but it doesn't change what you've acheived in the last few months with regards to getting over it. Seeing anyone from your past can have that effect but I bet in a couple of days it'll fizzle out again. Really think about what u need/want right now - and again if seeing him today will put u out, ask to meet another time or as I said have the doc posted to you. It'll save u the awkwardness of conversation today and it will just seem that something cropped up to him.

hollis12

lynsalot wrote: »

Hey botbot, I think you need to be completely selfish with regards to exes... u need to look after yourself. So you don't need him calling over on V day so text him and tell him actually you're busy and to call on X day with the document. Or post it to you?

If u know in your heart the relationship ended for good reason and seeing him will only prolong the healing process then yes break all contact. And think of it this way... nothing has changed. You've still come a long way. Yes seeing an ex is upsetting but it doesn't change what you've acheived in the last few months with regards to getting over it. Seeing anyone from your past can have that effect but I bet in a couple of days it'll fizzle out again. Really think about what u need/want right now - and again if seeing him today will put u out, ask to meet another time or as I said have the doc posted to you. It'll save u the awkwardness of conversation today and it will just seem that something cropped up to him.

thats fantastic advice it helped me decide what to do with a ex situation im in, thanks a lot

extra-ordinary_

botbot wrote: »

...he's just a coward, so if i ask him, and it is, then i've proved my own point...

Then ask him.