Sudden change...

LegacyUser

Hey guys, long time reader first time poster here. Sorry for the long post but i think the details are necessary here in trying to figure out what's going on...

So a few weeks ago I meet my friend for a lift to the sports club as usual, and along with him he has a friend from work, a girl called S. She seems pretty cool and i'm helping her out during training and we're getting along pretty well, and after when we're wiating for my friend to get out of the changing room to lift us back she sits very close to me and is very touchy feely and we chat away and so on. As she's being left off i invite her to train at a different club i train at the next night, and she asks for my phone number, i give it to her, all good. Wasn't really sure if i was interested (or if i was reading the signals right) then so I figured if she was interested it would be easy for her to text/call on the pretext of meeting up etc.

Anyway, I don't hear from her so I kinda forget about it, and I'm out of town for a few weeks so its pretty out of my mind but when I get back I end up running into her waiting to meet my friend to take us to training again. Before he picks us up we chat a bit and she invites me out for a drink with her and a friend afterwards. So, fast forward a few hours and her friend has gone home and she's buying me lots and lots of drinks (despite me trying to pay :P) and its just the two of us in a club gradually getting more and more flirty... we end up kissing and when the club shuts get a cab back to her friends place; her friend doesnt answer the door so she asks if she can stay at mine, of course i say yes.

She comes back, we hop into bed, and end up doing that kind of half-drunk half-asleep thing where you keep waking up and fooling around a bit then falling asleep again and generally cuddling. She asks what i'm doing on friday and we agree to meet up and hang out then. Eventually sometime hte next afternoon we end up trying to have sex but being up for 24 hours has taken its toll on me so i cant quite rise to the occasion; no problem she says why dont we see what happens on friday?

Friday comes round and she comes over and we head out with my flatmates to a bar and play pool for a few ohurs and drink and chat and so on. We all head back, sit in the kitchen for a while then everyone goes to bed. Next morning after we've woken up we fool around for a bit then end up having sex, it's pretty great from my end and she seems to be really enjoying it. Afterwards we cuddle for a bit then she decides to head home so she can have a bit of a laze about before heading out with a few friends of hers; i think she kind of hinted about me coming out but i just said i hadnt really decided what to do later. She heads on, i get a text a few hours later just being like "hey whats up, outta bed yet? S. x" - tbh i didn't reply as i didnt feel like going out that night particularly so soon after we'd hung out and i didnt want to get into the meaningless back and forth texting for no reason.

Anyway Im a bit busy for the rest of the weekend; on monday evening i ring her and ask if she fancies grabbing a coffee, ive got my mums car so i might be able to pick her up from town. She says that sounds good and to ring me back when i know if ive got the car; turns out my mum needs it so i ring her back and explain, she says not to worry but that means she wont be back till around 1130 and wasnt able to get a shower after the gym etc so why dont we just do something tomrorow (tuesday), i say sure and she wants to come over as soon as i finish class... all great so far right?

So tuesday morning she texts me a few hours before shes meant to come over saying "sorry babe my wee sis' is sick os i need to look after her, maybe we could do something tomorrow or whatever?" - naturally i have no issue with this and say sure, we text back and forth about a few things and it kind of naturally dies off. I text her around 1030pm tuesday saying "hey, do you want to come round about 4 tomorrow say?" - no response.

So around 3/4 wednesday i ring her, mainly because i was a bit confused as to what was happening. No answer. Then i figure she's been texting me off another number (she said something about not having credit on her phone and having two phoens or something) so i ring that one and her mum picks up... grand, i ask for S. She puts me on and S. is being a bit odd, says something about it being her mums phone and i get the impression she's annoyed i rang. I kinda go "ah ok, didnt know that" and say im ringing about her coming round but obviously she's not, she says she has just woken up and looks at her phone and says "oh yeah, i see ive a missed call from you... didn't see that text" (not sure if she said didnt see or didnt get or whatever)... i'm at a bit of a loss for what to say and she basically just says "can i ring you back later?", so i say "sure."

That was wednesday at 4... posting this around 10 on thursday and ive heard absolutely nothing from her.

I guess i'm just asking for anyones interpretation of what the hell is going on. She seemed super keen up till tuesday night, she basically admitted that she was trying to get me drunk when we first went out and it was her idea to arrange to meet on friday before she'd even left on wednesday - normally i would expect someone to wait a day or two to ask to meet up again so i thought it was a sign she was pretty keen that she wanted to meet up so quick. She said a bunch of times about how nice i was treating her and when we were fooling around and having sex repeatedly complimented my body and looks... and it was her who kept suggesting we meet up when something came up.

I'm pretty much taking her not ringing or texting back as a sign that she's done with me and I have no intention of contacting her until she contacts me... but i'm finding it hard to just say "right we're through" when she hasn't actually said anything like "i dont want to see you any more" - and i know we only met up twice but given how intimate the times were and how keen she was to meet up again it just doesnt seem to fit that she'd change her mind so suddenly like that. I'm not exactly with a different girl every week but I have dated quite a bit and been in relationships and my experience has been that things tend to end either after a few mediocre dates where there's no spark or after much longer when an actual issue arises; after a few great dates you tend to just want to see the person more right?

So again I'm really just looking for opinons on what's going on and advice on what to do in the unlikely event she contacts me again; or more likely if she doesnt contact me but turns up at training again on monday/tuesday and i have to see her - the coach has no idea we've been seeing each other and asked me to work 1on1 with her to help her out the last few times she's been down and we get a lift from the same guy so it's not like i could just avoid her.

Angus Og

Maybe she is busy with her sister? It was only Tuesday. Wait and see if she contacts you again, after all, she knows she's going to have to see you. As you said, she'll be seeing you on Monday/Tuesday.

Try sending her a message to do with training, and see how she reacts.

79perplexed

Registered an account under this name to avoid waiting for approval...

Angus i appreciate the sentiment but generally speaking i would take "i'll ring you back later" to mean in a few hours or the same evening at latest... particularly given we'd been texting back and forth the past few days.

Also i realise reading back i didnt make it clear but she has only been to the class 3/4 times so its not like shes a regular and if she doesnt want to see me any more and isnt too fussed on it, its not that unlikely she just wont bother going. Similar for sending her a message about training, its not something she does regularly. And again given the last thing she said to me was "i'll ring you back" i think she's giving me a pretty clear hint.

79perplexed

Less negative more positive idea here:

The last time she was over she spotted a few dvds she wanted to borrow. So i'm thinking about sending her a text along the lines of :

Hey, would you mind bringing my dvds to class for me or giving them to -friend- if you're not going? thx!

Firstly because if we're through i'd at least like my stuff back, also it's a pretty clear way of saying "i know we're done, i just want my stuff back"... and if there's actually some really out of field reason shes not contacted me and she's still interested and has no idea im pissed off with her, she'll cop on and say something or just offer to give them back herself at a meetup.

I'd probably be inclined to leave this until sunday to give her time to call me first and to ensure i actually get my stuff back.

Angus Og

Well that's a good idea.

I assumed from:

"the coach has no idea we've been seeing each other and asked me to work 1on1 with her to help her"

that you would be seeing her regularly. The DVD idea is good in my opinion. Let her decide.

ChocolateRamses

The sudden change in behaviour does indicate something, but whether it's that she's has some dark secret, or she'd just burned herself pouring tea I don't really know.

As a general rule of thumb if I find things starting to get "mess/hairy" inside the first few dates I usually take it as a sign things are not going to walk out in the long run, purely because it seems to me the early stages of a relationship should be, with a few notable exceptions, all peaches and cream. Problems at that stage do not bode well.

That said, I'd drop her a harmless text, what you were saying about the DVDs sounds good, if she responds see what happens, ad if sh doesn't well then you have your answer.

Faith

Let me see. You slept with the girl on Friday, ignored her subsequent text message, and in fact ignored her completely until Monday night... and you're wondering why she doesn't seem interested anymore? Dude. She probably thought you had just used her for sex, and had no interest in her. She was probably obsessively checking her phone all weekend, and you were to lazy to even text and say hi? I'd have gone off you too tbh. She probably thinks you're a player who'd only after one thing.

Next time, don't ignore a girl for THREE DAYS after sleeping with her.

LegacyUser

Agree with Faith. Also did you tell her you planned to take her somewhere or did you just simply say "my place at 4?"
Really looks like you're just using her for sex.

Also ringing her mums phone was a bad move. Careful not to look needy because your in danger of doing that.

Kimia

In complete agreement with Faith here. OP seriously, you ignored her for 3 full days after she texts you the day after you sleep together and now you're wondering why she hasn't contacted you in one day? You started this ridiculous game playing - she probably thinks that now she has to be 'hard to get' or else she's probably lost interest as I would have.

You can probably try to start it up again - it sounded great until you just ignored her for no reason - but you'll have to make the first step and in the future as Faith said, don't ignore someone for 3 days after sleeping with her for the first time. Wow.

kenbrady

She texts you asking what's up. You ignore her for the weekend.
Then she doesn't reply to your texts and you ring her Mother.

That is bad, you come across very needy, desperate and bit stalkerish.

ManOfMystery

79perplexed wrote: »

She heads on, i get a text a few hours later just being like "hey whats up, outta bed yet? S. x" - tbh i didn't reply as i didnt feel like going out that night particularly so soon after we'd hung out and i didnt want to get into the meaningless back and forth texting for no reason.

Anyway Im a bit busy for the rest of the weekend; on monday evening i ring her

This is exactly where you went wrong OP. You didn't reply because you didn't feel like going out? Why not just do her the courtesy of replying anyway and tell her you don't feel like going out? By not replying you were just being ignorant and it's no wonder she's giving you a taste of your own medicine now.

moco

ManOfMystery wrote: »

This is exactly where you went wrong OP. You didn't reply because you didn't feel like going out? Why not just do her the courtesy of replying anyway and tell her you don't feel like going out? By not replying you were just being ignorant and it's no wonder she's giving you a taste of your own medicine now.

I agree, it was really bad that you didn't reply to her text after having sex with her!

Angus Og

Yeah, that part where she agreed to coffee (after the sex part). That was probably her offering you a chance to apologise before the final curtain.

LegacyUser

I'm actually a little bit annoyed after reading your initial post, OP. I presume this isn't the first girl you've had sex with and that you have a few female friends.

Not texting back that time was very, very bad form. Not texting back the next day just hammered the nail further into the coffin. As a girl, I know that if I do make the decision to sleep with a guy that I like and fancy a lot, I'd be very very disappointed if he didn't even have 30 seconds over the space of three days to reply to a text from me.

Another major issue I have with your post is that it is ALL about you. It's about how much she likes you, how she was chasing after you, how she was all over you and so into your looks. Your ego has been massively inflated over this and you just can't seem to fathom that it may be you at fault here, not her. Did you ever consider that maybe her little sister was still sick? Did you text her asking how the sister was, or just to clarify when she was coming over, looking like all you wanted was another ride? Did you ask her out to dinner or even a drink somewhere nice???

I'm sorry to sound harsh but this kind of arrogant behaviour in guys boils my blood.

79perplexed

I love how you guys are all painting me as some sort of womanising bastard here. First of all i totally take the point that it was wrong of me to ignore her text; initially i meant to just reply the day after and then kinda never got round to it so i just rang her on monday - and i was actually feeling guilty about it and worried she'd be annoyed with me when i rang her but she didnt seem bothered at all and we were chatting away, and she immediately agreed to coffee and sounded enthusiastic about it; and later when she changed plans still sounded enthusiastic about coming round. Not that it makes much difference but fyi it was two days not three; we slept together saturday lunchtime ish and she texted me a few hours later, i rang her back monday. For what its worth.

So yeah it did occur to me when she didnt reply to my text about her coming over that this was similar to me not replying to hers from the weekend, it didnt really seem to fit as she had been happy enough to make plans up till that point; if she was pissed off at me for not replying i would have expected her to not reply to a text or to not want to meet up again when i rang her; not to agree happily to meeting up and then stop responding.

The reason my post was all about how into me she was is because it should be fairly obvious from the fact that i'm posting trying to figure out what to do that i'm interested in her; i mentioned how into me she seeemed specifically because it didnt seem to fit at all with losing interesting so quickly. If you knew me you'd realise i'm quite the opposite of arrogant and i'm actually very shy about approaching women; if S. hadn't been so forward in asking me out it probably would have taken me quite a while to subtly ask her out or i might not have done it at all.

As for the ringing her mum bit, first of all i didnt know it was her mum's phone, she'd said a few times about having several phones and that she never had money on one of them and (most importantly) she had been texting me constnatly from that number; when i didnt get an answer on the first number i assumed it meant she was using the second one so i rang it expecting her to answer. I had no idea it was her mum's phone until she anwered and passed me over to S. who told me so.

Anyway. Woke up this morning and turn on my phone and there's a text from S. going "sorry, was hungover yesterday then went to friends, just watchin dvds here. s." sent at about 130am. I replied with something casual and got back "do not send messages to this phone"... looked at the number she'd sent it from and she was using her mum's phone again. Left it a few hours and figured that given that she had no money on her phone and her mum obviously wouldnt be happy about me texting; i decided to just ring S. and see what was going on. Rang her, kept it nice and casual and mentioned her mum's response and she laughed and said not to worry that she had done that to a few of her friends before. We chatted for a bit and then she asked what i was doing tomorrow and said we should hang out; i suggested going to see a movie so that's what we're doing.

Thanks for the help anyway guys, I have taken onboard that it was pretty uncool of me to ignore her text over the weekend (i must admit i didnt really consider how significant it was that it was just after we had slept together for the first time) and i'll bear that in mind next time. Seems like it was just a combination of things that resulted in her not contacting me and sounding annoyed when i rang rather than her losing interest; lesson learned.

And just for what it's worth i do actually really like this girl... i'm not a "player" and never have been.

Angus Og

For what it's worth, I wasn't painting you as anything. I nearly made the same mistake only a few days ago, that's why I wanted to help.

79perplexed

Don't worry mate, wasn't aimed at you. Thanks for the help