I need a normal persons advice on this

LegacyUser

I am in an good relationship but recently I have been thinking I think my bf is only using me. long story short 2 months ago he broke up with me to be single and then asked after a week could we get back and me I said yes 3 days later he says" its not working out sorry I had nothing else to do for the week". I was very upset I loved him but I got on with life I started meeting this guy who was his friend I started to really like him and who appears but the ex . ex begs forgiveness romances me and so on I dump the guy I was meeting

but things soon go back to the way it was the ex now bf again just doesnt like talking about couple stuff no lovey stuff nothing and just he cant wait to go on his lads holiday in summer even though I asked could we go on one he replied no I want to have a laugh with my lads, he would never put me above them at any cost I know this as he says his lads are for life im just a girlfriend as he says.

I dont know what to do I love my ex and depend on him heavily because we do enjoy each other and I love him. But to be honest I want more and the guy I was meeting he was and is a player but I know he has always liked me ,has been texting me but I would be afraid if he will only be the same . I honestly dont know what to do I would love some advice?

please I need to get my head straight.

Wurly

My advice would be to stay away from both of them.

Your ex is treating you like crap and you're letting him.

This new guy has a reputation. If you know this from the start and get involved then don't be surprised if you're not treated well.

Find a new bloke. Or better still, take some time out for yourself. By the sounds of things, you seem to think you deserve very little. There is more out there for you than these two eejits.

Build on your self esteem and then you'll attract a man who won't treat you badly. The girls that settle for nonsense like this will always attract the pr1cks. Believe me - I did the same myself.

Best of luck.x

shellyboo

Stay away from both of them, one's a user the other a player. Nothing wrong in being on your own for a while - you need to work on your self-esteem, you deserve better.

Wagon

dunnowhatsright wrote: »

" its not working out sorry I had nothing else to do for the week".

Low. Very very low.

but things soon go back to the way it was the ex now bf again just doesnt like talking about couple stuff no lovey stuff nothing and just he cant wait to go on his lads holiday in summer even though I asked could we go on one he replied no I want to have a laugh with my lads, he would never put me above them at any cost I know this as he says his lads are for life im just a girlfriend as he says.

...which would be all fine and well if he was 14. He hasn't a clue. That sentence alone says it all.

But to be honest I want more and the guy I was meeting he was and is a player but I know he has always liked me ,has been texting me but I would be afraid if he will only be the same .

He's a muppet too. If he's a player than he won't treat you well.

Your boyfriend won't treat you any better. you deserve better im sure so don't waste any more time on him.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Wow, like seriously, do you really need anyone to point out the f*cking obvious? Seriously you should have called the post "I have self esteem issues and I just had my heart pulled out and handed to me by a cold callous and using b*stard and now I want more". You really need to get into councelling, I can only imagine my boyfriend telling me his mates come before me, I can only imagine it because it would never happen. You don't love him and he doesn't love you, and worse yet you don't even love you. You really don't know the meaning of the word love. He used you for sex for a week and told you and you still want to be with him? What you describe above is just so sad, I'm assuming you have self esteem issues, self respect issues, a severe lack of dignity. If I could have one wish in relation to this it's that you realise you have serious problems. How can you allow someone to treat you like that and then go back for more:eek:. Get yourself into councelling and then read up some self help books. Believe me if you work on these issues you will never look back, everything will be so much better and the next guy you meet will treat you like a girlfirend not a whore because if you tackle these issues that's how you'll see yourself. I'm sorry if I've hurt you but I think you need to wake up and admit you have a problem and then go and get help and hopefully this post will help you realise that. The very best of luck with it all.

jared86

shellyboo wrote: »

Stay away from both of them, one's a user the other a player. Nothing wrong in being on your own for a while - you need to work on your self-esteem, you deserve better.

+1

Wurly

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

Wow, like seriously, do you really need anyone to point out the f*cking obvious? Seriously you should have called the post "I have self esteem issues and I just had my heart pulled out and handed to me by a cold callous and using b*stard and now I want more". You really need to get into councelling, I can only imagine my boyfriend telling me his mates come before me, I can only imagine it because it would never happen. You don't love him and he doesn't love you, and worse yet you don't even love you. You really don't know the meaning of the word love. He used you for sex for a week and told you and you still want to be with him? What you describe above is just so sad, I'm assuming you have self esteem issues, self respect issues, a severe lack of dignity. If I could have one wish in relation to this it's that you realise you have serious problems. How can you allow someone to treat you like that and then go back for more:eek:. Get yourself into councelling and then read up some self help books. Believe me if you work on these issues you will never look back, everything will be so much better and the next guy you meet will treat you like a girlfirend not a whore because if you tackle these issues that's how you'll see yourself. I'm sorry if I've hurt you but I think you need to wake up and admit you have a problem and then go and get help and hopefully this post will help you realise that. The very best of luck with it all.

I think in the grand scheme of things, your post is very harsh. I'm not saying what you've said isn't correct but it is a little strong.

I am assuming that the OP is quite young. Common sense with regards to these things does come with age. I certainly made mistakes when I was younger with bloody eejits like these two blokes. She doesn't have 'serious' problems and may not need counselling. Also, self help books are not for everyone.

Maybe she's just young and a bit naive - just like we all were. This is all a learning experience. It's difficult when you're younger. What may seem so obvious to us may not be when you don't have the same life experience.

Lay off the labels with all due respect and stop making the OP out to be in dire need of help. Yes she obviously has low self esteem but lots of people do. Does she need to straighten this out? Certainly. Perhaps the replies on this thread will help her see that and she can do what's right for her in getting this sorted.

However, you did make some very good points in your post with regards to not looking back when you get yourself sorted out. Very true.

trio

OP, your instincts are spot on about your boyfriend.

It's been him calling the shots all along. He's the one who called it off, and he's the one who persuades you to give it another go, then he's the one who tells you where he's going on holiday.....

He is the Boss of You, basically. And that's something only you can get out of, cos God knows he has no reason to change anything.

He's having his cake and eating it - he gets a girlfriend for whenever he's bored, but he gets to be distant so you don't get too clingy and he can cut you loose when he gets tired of being tied down. Then he'll get bored again (this time of being without someone to snog on demand) and he persuades you to give him another roll.

You do, and his ego is smoothed.

The other chap is not much better and the only reason you're considering him at all is because you feel flattered by the attention.

Because your bf is starving you of attention!

Do a bit of Psychology 101 on yourself - you know the relationship with your bf is not going to ultimately last. He's just not that into it - he can take it or leave it. And certainly your needs cannot be met by this guy.

Then there's the other guy. You just want him to be mad about you, cos it's a long time you felt that with anybody. But he's still not suitable, is he?

You sound pretty young. You have to experience singledom for a while by the sounds of it. It's a great thing to do - gives you a good perspective on things. Your head is wrecked - being single gives your head a break.

If I were you I'd say to myself "I'm going to be single for 6 months". Note - I'm not saying not to go out and shift anyone and have a laugh - I mean "not being anyone's girlfriend".

You're looking for power - the only way you can get that is to resolve to be single for a while. At the moment these two guys are making you whirl around like a puppet on a string.

LegacyUser

Hi thanks for the advice I have taken it into accound I have broken up with the bf , stopped all contact everything! number is deleted Im spending more time with my friends and I have never been happier. but yes I am a person with low confidence but sure who doesnt and yes the other guy well I dont know really with him to be honest I get enjoyment at least with him but im staying fair away from relationships for awhile!! Im going changing my number as my bf now constantly rings me trying to make me feel guilty.

Wurly

dunnowhatsright wrote: »

Hi thanks for the advice I have taken it into accound I have broken up with the bf , stopped all contact everything! number is deleted Im spending more time with my friends and I have never been happier. but yes I am a person with low confidence but sure who doesnt and yes the other guy well I dont know really with him to be honest I get enjoyment at least with him but im staying fair away from relationships for awhile!! Im going changing my number as my bf now constantly rings me trying to make me feel guilty.

Delighted to hear this OP and thanks for the update. Huge pat on the back for you. Be proud of yourself. All this experience will help your confidence tenfold. Well done.;)