Naive or not?

LegacyUser

Hey. Long time poster, but I decided to go unreg for this. I met a girl in the last few weeks and we hit it off unbelievably well. I've only felt this way about one other girl I've ever seen in the past, despite dating a handful of girls. We're as close to a perfect match for each other as two people can get. It's been absolutely wonderful getting to know her, and I could really see myself having a future with her. I've a fairly good head on me when it comes to relationships, but I honestly believe this one's different and my usual level-headedness is completely out of whack.

Here's the massive problem. She has to go home to the US in a week because her visa's up and she has a job lined up there. It's only a six month position, but she's decided to take it anyway, just to get some cash together. I'm pretty devastated by the whole thing, and I know she's upset too. We're both realistic about the whole long distance thing, so we decided not to get into anything serious before she left. But she does want to come back here when that job finishes, and we've decided to give things a shot then. The thing is, I've been hurt in the past by a similar situation (thanks, universe, for doing this to me twice! ) and I'm a little apprehensive about laying my heart on the line so that it may get broken again. I guess my head is a little wrecked by the situation.
I really do care about her, and I am more than willing to wait if it's only a few months. She's such a wonderful, kind, gorgeous person and I count myself incredibly lucky to have met her. I know she feels pretty strongly about me, and it was her idea to stay in contact as she feels we've got a special connection.

Am I being naive? Am I getting myself into a situation where I'm going to get hurt? Should I get my hopes up that this may actually lead to something incredibly fulfilling?

Also (and I know this isn't the forum for this question, but I thought I'd throw it out there), from a legal standpoint, is she going to be able to get back in here again to be able to work?

Barracudaincork

CloudedMind wrote: »

Am I being naive? Am I getting myself into a situation where I'm going to get hurt? Should I get my hopes up that this may actually lead to something incredibly fulfilling?

My answers: Maybe, Maybe, Maybe

Maybe to all three questions, sorry but who knows what can happen? No one, that is why you have to decide if you want to take a chance or not. I know you got hurt before, but this girl is someone completely different and you should view her as so. But i suspect you know all of this and maybe you are just looking for someone to say, go for it and then if you do, you dont feel as stupid or naive etc. If this is the case, then i am so saying Go for it! I know if i met someone and had the feelings etc you described, i would go for it, its not everyday you meet someone like that.

If it works out great! If it doesnt then come back and we will try and cheer you up with jokes about Americans..................I know loads!!!!

mobilecore

To answer your question ... naive. Sadly you will get hurt. Sorry op.

She said she wants to come back and give things a shot then. lets be realistic thats a slim chance. Im not going to say it cant happen. But its slim. Thats either something she would want but knows deep down thats likely to not happen or its one of those "relationship ending lies" people would say (we'll keep in contact etc) She is going back to her home (America) it could be slightly different if it was another country. But its her home and all she had was a visa over here and she didnt renew right? and with a job lined up over there? I say her intentions were to go home over the last while.

I've seen partners moving away happen before. Once a partner is moving they would emotional step out of the relationship. Preparing for their new life. As for you tho you are only with her a few weeks. Sadly, you have to accept thats all it was going to be (i know it sucks) Long distance relationships hardly work anyways (as from your previous experience i imagine you already know too well) and that can be after months or years of dating. Let alone only knowing someone for a few weeks.

You've both agreed to not get into anything serious - that in itself is a pre-emptive statement of trying to stop any emotional attachment from even starting. From the sounds of it, its a shame. You really like her. But you say you've had experience before with this. You're even making a thread on boards.ie about this (your gut is telling you something) Sorry mate you know what will happen.

But as for pure honest advice. Ask yourself. Weigh up both options. Giving her your heart or just letting that be it. What are the pros? what are the cons? whats your gut say? ... when you think about the situation using your logic/thinking.. what answers do you come too?

Sanjuro

Tough situation, OP. The romantic side of me would say 'to hell with it! Love is worth it, stay the course!' The realist side of me would say 'there's little chance this will work.' I've tried the long distance relationship (and by long distance, I mean Dublin to Liverpool) thing myself, and it just doesn't work, unfortunately. On the other hand, if she definately is coming back, then why not just see what happens. In the mean time you don't have to commit to anything like celebacy. Hope it works out in your favour!