How important is complete honesty?

LegacyUser

Hi after being separted for some years I eventually met my partner, we are together a couple of years now and I thought i really knew him, he was always good to me and apart from some jealousy issues on his part we were fine, i knew he had some debts but didnt think it too much of a Problem..........until this xmas when out of the blue he acted really weird and talked about us breading up when i asked him where this was coming from he admitted his debts were so bad now he couldnt get me any presents for xmas... but he wouldnt tell me the whole truth, we kinda broke up for few weeks but got back together then i found out he got his kids and his family presents he said they were all small things but hello i would of loved something small like a cd just to say... i love you even though things are really tough right now. Worst part is no matter how i try to broach the subject he wont go into how much in debt he is or how he can manage, at xmas he was depressed and couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel now its like everything is ok again but its so not cause im in limbo and nothing is resolved how are we to plan a future together if he cant be honest about this stuff and why did he change like that sometimes i get so down because i feel we lost something during this and we can never get it back..... am i makeing too much of the situation..............

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

lillyanne wrote: »

Hi after being separted for some years I eventually met my partner, we are together a couple of years now and I thought i really knew him, he was always good to me and apart from some jealousy issues on his part we were fine, i knew he had some debts but didnt think it too much of a Problem..........until this xmas when out of the blue he acted really weird and talked about us breading up when i asked him where this was coming from he admitted his debts were so bad now he couldnt get me any presents for xmas... but he wouldnt tell me the whole truth, we kinda broke up for few weeks but got back together then i found out he got his kids and his family presents he said they were all small things but hello i would of loved something small like a cd just to say... i love you even though things are really tough right now. Worst part is no matter how i try to broach the subject he wont go into how much in debt he is or how he can manage, at xmas he was depressed and couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel now its like everything is ok again but its so not cause im in limbo and nothing is resolved how are we to plan a future together if he cant be honest about this stuff and why did he change like that sometimes i get so down because i feel we lost something during this and we can never get it back..... am i makeing too much of the situation..............

No, you're not - he needs to come clean if this relationship is to work.

He may be scared that you'll walk if he tells you, in whcih case all you need to do is tell you'll support him no matter how much he owes. He might open up a bit then.

anucksunamun

Absolutely not! you have every right to know about this if you plan a life together. I would suggest he make an appointment with MABS to discuss his finances in detail. http://www.mabs.ie/

And also to break up a relationship of a few years over a few measly euro's worth of a gift seems bizarre to me.

LegacyUser

I just feel so bad that im suppose to be the person he loves more than anything ( his words ) and yet im the only one who didnt get any thing, as i said a CD would have done the job or any small thoughtfull pressie. He knew I had his present.

anucksunamun

I suppose that he didnt think enough to even make you something I'm really sorry hun.. what a horrible situation.. do you feel like he's trustworthy other than this money thing?.. or has it raised suspicion in you?

kill bill

relionships are tough i think honesty is very important if every thing is out in the open then there is nothing 2 b afraid of

Angus Og

Maybe he's caught in two minds. On one hand he doesn't want to tell you because you matter most, which means disappointing the one who matters most. On the other hand, he might think that your love will excuse him for not buying you a present, though he knows he's wrong. He might think that he can hold things together by keeping up a front with everyone else.

I'm not trying to excuse his behaviour, just wondering what's going on in his head.

Sleepy

Gambler?

carolinespring

If your partner is not going to be totally honest with you, I dont see how it can work. If he is not going to sit down and tell you the full story then I think it time to start thinking about if its going to work. Remember we only have one life to live and deserve the best.

I would be also very upset over the lack of christmas present, as you said something small and I would be so hurt that he could manage to get gifts for his family. A 5 euro gift that he knew you would like should have been within his reach.

Talk to him again and tell him you really need to know what the full story is and as someone else said MABS are great.

Ickle Magoo

Something sounds really off to me...he is seriously in debt and got his kids and family presents but was so worried he couldn't go over by another tenner and get you something? He'd rather break up with you than tell you he's in debt or even just make you or get you a small gift?

I'd be asking some serious questions because that whole scenario makes no sense. He has to come clean and be open about it all and let you help him or find him help because you do not want to share your life and finances with someone who cannot manage their money or has a problem with gambling or spending. I'd also thrash out why everyone bar you deserves a gift.

Best of luck