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What to Do

  • 08-02-2010 7:25pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have been seeing a guy for 9 of months now. He's crazy about me and wants to settle down. He's a very practical, hardworking quite simple guy who is not particuarly deep or emotional. I don;t mean that in a nasty way so don't jump all over me please! I on the otherhand like deep and meaningful conversations and would probably be more intellectual. I went to college while he didn't.While I get on well with this guy and have a nice time - I can at times feel like there is no emotional connection and I can feel quite empty after spending time together. I have tried to broach this subject many times but he does not really understand where I am coming from or doesn't think it a big deal. I am really torn about what to do. Am I expecting too much to expect someone to tick all the boxes? Can you be with someone who you don't feel emotionally or intellectually connected to? Am I expecting too much here and being unfair? Is this settling? Is it better to settle than to end up alone? We are both in our 30s. Thanks for any input.


Comments

  • #2
    I_am_Jebus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 458 ✭✭I_am_Jebus


    Hi.

    No you should never settle.

    Settling is never good in the long run - for either member of the couple.

    I think you probably already know that this is not going to work out into a happy ending. It seems you are not compatible and the way you describe it there doesn't seem to be a spark there for you.

    There are people out there that will tick all (or most) of the boxes.
    Anyway 9 months seems very quick to be thinking of settling down. I think you need to end the relationship and keep searching for the right person for you.

    Your OH, as you say is crazy about you. If you do decide to end the relationship (which I think is the best thing for you both in the long-term) please be gentle with his heart.

    All the best with your decision.


  • #3
    anucksunamun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 273 ✭✭anucksunamun


    I agree with Jeebus... Never, ever settle! Nobodies perfect, but someone out there is perfect for you! but please, go very easy on this guys poor heart :(


  • #4
    CityMan2010
    Closed Accounts Posts: 201 ✭✭CityMan2010


    Sounds like you need to begin to wind this relationship down, or bring it to a quick ending...

    Ok that sounds abrupt, but you have a duty to both yourself and to the guy to get this sorted out asap...

    9 months is pretty short in a relationship....but its pretty long enough for you to find out that you got doubts about your compatability and long term happiness....

    people make errors in relationships all the time...dont hang on in there because you feel sorry for him or you dont want to hurt him....

    but I would make a break for it if i were you....

    but only for this reason...you need time away to decide if he truly is who you want to stay long term/for ever and ever amen with....

    he sounds like a nice fella...but you wont be happy until you find out if he is truly for you...

    and i dont necessarilty agree with the suggestion that you should never settle...i think its about actually realising what you want...thats wisdom...

    tell him sooner rather than later...you will have to go through some sort of pain process..but its worth it....

    but in my opinion, do it now,you're not happy...

    and be definitive about it...dont keep him hanging on...he'll survive...

    and lastly..i definitely believe that love grows....

    best wishes

    rob


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