What to do?

LegacyUser

God where do I start.

I have worked with a girl for 2 years, there was always an attraction between us both. We kissed at a christmas party 2 years ago and again a year ago. She has a boyfreind, I'm 19 and not very experienced and only recently did I realise how serious and wrong it is to get involved with someone in a relationship.

We became closer and closer for the last six months, from meeting for coffee, to going on a weekend away together, to her staying in my house the odd time (parents house, I live at home).

For the last 6 months I have been going out of my ****ing mind, so much so that in November I applied for a counsellor in college. I was depressed, missed deadlines, lost a couple of mates, didn't talk to my family. Why? Because she was with her boyfreind, I had her one minute and not the next, it was an affair. Although she didn't go out to use me, she couldn't help herself, thats what I believe anyway.

Somehow, I managed to work up the strength to break it off, about four weeks ago. She broke it off with me couple of months ago for an argument, which was small in hindsight, but I begged, pleaded and was sad. I think I showed myself as weak and pushed her away from me. I put a lot into this relationship, way too much, I reckon I destroyed myself so I could be with her once a week. But me not knowing what she was at, living with her boyfreind was killing me, every single night.

I broke it off four weeks ago, and ironically she started to beg and plead, and even got abusive. Not the reaction I expected. So I gave in while out on the piss and we decided to meet and dicuss a possible future. We did, and again coming towards the end of our day out I felt depressed, my gut telling me this isnt worked, I'm a second man in her life, so I need to move on. I broke it off again, and initiated no contact. She texts me every single day, telling me she loves me and she didn't realise it while we were together. This has gone on until last night, when she rang me, I answered, she said she just couldn't go on like this, she feels absolutely sick and thinks of my 24/7 (exactly what went on with me for the last 6 months ). So I keep telling her its up to her, why?

This isn't ideal, but I love this girl and I need advice on how this could work. At the end of the day she will make it work if she means it, so we'll see what happens. But it seems she just doesn't know what to do.

I'll list a important points and try to conclude this.

- She is 7 years older than me, I'm 19.
- I do think she loves me
- I love her
- She lives with her 'boyfreind', right beside her places of work.
- I cannot live with the fact that shes in the same house and probably same bed as him while running a secret relationship with me. I hate it.
- She mentions that shes not ready to be analysed, looked at and/or called things while being in a possible relationship with me. She is referring to people who know her and work with her. I think this is all percieved but I haven't told her that.
- She said she would move to Sweden (or osme place) tomorrow with me if I wanted to, but no way, I have college etc.
- I don't want to force her, I want her to make the decision not me, what if she isn't happy?
- Ideally she would get a one bed place, but this is costly, what should I do about this practical stuff?
- I guess I could ask my parents if she could move into my room? (lol).

Just need some ideas. I love this girl, but I'm not going to make everything happen, she will have to do some things. I told her that I loved her and to go and think, and she said she would.

I_am_Jebus

What a messy messy messy situation.

Where to start...

No matter how much you love her, I think this girl may be toxic for you. She's certainly not acting her age either. If she loved you, she'd break up with her boyfriend and be with you exclusively. It appears to me she's trying to have her cake and eat it.

I think you need to cut contact with her and try move on. You're 19. Time does fly, believe me, so you need to enjoy your youth while you have it. Don't let this girl ruin what are some of the best years of your life.

Think about it, she's not making a once off "mistake" being with you. She is carrying out a full blown affair and is conscious of her actions - what makes you think she wouldn't do the same to you.

Seriously, for your long-term health and sanity get away from her as quickly as you can.

I am sorry you have had a hard time of it but it will get better. Many people will come and go from your life in the years ahead. Chalk this one up to experience.

Best of luck

Jebus

LegacyUser

I_am_Jebus wrote: »

What a messy messy messy situation.

Where to start...

No matter how much you love her, I think this girl may be toxic for you. She's certainly not acting her age either. If she loved you, she'd break up with her boyfriend and be with you exclusively. It appears to me she's trying to have her cake and eat it.

I think you need to cut contact with her and try move on. You're 19. Time does fly, believe me, so you need to enjoy your youth while you have it. Don't let this girl ruin what are some of the best years of your life.

Think about it, she's not making a once off "mistake" being with you. She is carrying out a full blown affair and is conscious of her actions - what makes you think she wouldn't do the same as you.

Seriously, for your long-term health and sanity get away from her as quickly as you can.

I am sorry you have had a hard time of it but it will get better. Many people will come and go from your life in the years ahead. Chalk this one up to experience.

Best of luck

Jebus

Thanks so much man. As I say, I have no experience and I've learned so much about myself and the valuable lesson never to do this again. I'm a damn good intelligent guy and a lot of people love me. I deserve better. If she does make changes, I won't rush into it. I have a tiny bit of hope and I won't let it grip me. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow and throw myself back into college.

No matter what, I'm a lot damn happier than I was when I was in the full blown affair, depressed, feeling suicidal 24/7.

Time for me to live life

Thanks again.

I_am_Jebus

No matter what, I'm a lot damn happier than I was when I was in the full blown affair, depressed, feeling suicidal 24/7.

This is not healthy. No "relationship" should leave you feeling like this.

Yes, get yourself back into college. Get out there and meet people and enjoy yourself. Don't get bogged down with this girl any longer for your own sake.

The one thing to take away from this is experience for the future.

All the best, good luck with college, I am sure you will have a bright future

Jebus