feeling knocked back

LegacyUser

hi. im feeling like iv taken one step forward and ten steps back. was at an ex gf birthday party during the week, thought i was somewhat over her but obviously im not. we broke up at the end of last summer, mostly her choice as she says she just doesnt like being in relationships. since then we'v been trying to do the friends thing but i get the impression she wants friends with benefits. i am constantly getting drunk messages off her and the odd proposition but never anything when shes sober. its wrecking my head. im very much a calm person - i dont have a temper. she knows it is probably messing with my head as i still like her so much. anyway, went to the party for a short while and had to leave because i just couldnt take it. i realised how much i missed her. sorry for the rant all

Sanjuro

If there's no chance of you getting back together, cut contact with her. Obviously there are residual feelings there. And if this is the case, staying 'friends' is never going to work. I know the desire to stay friends with someone you once had feelings for, but most times it doesn't work. Sorry dude, but cutting contact with her completely is the only way you'll avoid getting your head wrecked.

LegacyUser

sometimes she gives me the impression she wants to get back then other times she does not. usually its when shes drunk. thats probably a big factor right? i just don't know what to think but i know for a fact I can't do a ****-buddy/ in between kinda thing

Angus Og

You need to stay away for a while. She's confusing you. Stay away and let your feeling for her die down.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

It's very unfair of her to threat you like this. In fact it's cruel. She broke up with you because she didn't want a relationship, she can't have her cake and eat it too. If I were you I would cut all contact. She's not treating you like a friend and she's not behaving like an adult. I would be very straight forward with her and tell her not to send you texts when she's drunk, tell her you are not interested in meaningless sex. I really would cut my loses with her to be honest. She doesn't sound like a nice person and to be honest I'd say you're WAY better off without her.

Very best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

thank you very much peggypeg. i have never had a problem moving on from previous relationships but i genuinly believed this girl was into me. we connected so well and still do to some extent the odd time we talk. so is she playing me along? i feel like she is i suppose and that i am falling for it. i know for a fact she isn't interested in a relationship

LegacyUser

i should add that i have up until now had no problem chatting to her when she's sober. i would genuinly like to be friends but whenever i think things are going well and are friendly she tries something on or kicks up some drama.most of it is because she has had a few drinks which again makes me feel downhearted because its never when she's sober. i know i should be a better person and just walk away, and i have up until now, but it is proving more and more difficult everytime

Sanjuro

unregistered wrote: »

sometimes she gives me the impression she wants to get back then other times she does not. usually its when shes drunk. thats probably a big factor right? i just don't know what to think but i know for a fact I can't do a ****-buddy/ in between kinda thing

Well, that depends. It depends on who broke up with who. If she broke up with you, then she wants her cake and to eat it too. She didn't want to be with you, yet she wants you at her beckon call whenever she deems fit. That's incredibly immature of her, and completely unfair on you.

If you broke up with her, then she's obviously still into you and when she's drunk, she lets her guard slip. Which is a very dangerous position for you to be in, as you could really end up unintentionally hurting her.

Either way, OP, I'd keep away. An ex is always one of the most difficult people to have a platonic relationship with. It rarely works. My original advice stands- if it's wrecking your head, best keep away.

LegacyUser

the breakup was initially mutual. i was quite stubborn i suppose and didnt think she meant it. For a couple of months afterwards i asked her was there any chance of us getting back together but she said no.

Peggypeg

unregistered wrote: »

thank you very much peggypeg. i have never had a problem moving on from previous relationships but i genuinly believed this girl was into me. we connected so well and still do to some extent the odd time we talk. so is she playing me along? i feel like she is i suppose and that i am falling for it. i know for a fact she isn't interested in a relationship

Reading that made me feel like this :mad:. You have done nothing wrong, she broke up with you because she didn't want a relationship remember? She is playing with you and that is cruel and you don't deserve it. Drink is no excuse. That girl is not good for you at all, either as a gf or as a friend. She's offering you nothing but meaningless sex. Which you don't want. Imagine for a second that your genders were reversed. If you were a girl saying a guy broke with you because he didn't want a relationship then texted you when drunk looking for sex, we'd all be saying STAY AWAY and he's a total chancer/scumbag/user, it isn't any different just coz you're a guy and she's a girl. You are worth more than that. Big hug OP, keep away from her. Look after yourself and be good to yourself, you're going through a hard time.

colly10

Spending time around her will bring the feelings back, either you get back together or you cut ties, anything else is just torturing yourself

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice people. it does help getting it all out! unfortunately my friends are close to her so i'll still see her on nights out. ill try cut contact. i hope its the right thing to do? at the moment i cant stop thinking about her

LegacyUser

slipped up today and talked on msn to her. not for long. i feel right back in the dumps now! was i wrong to discount seeing her casually?! i keep thinking i could have done more. i really want to go out with this girl but she doesn't. does that mean she isn't into me anymore or does her drunk texting suggest she is?! i know for a fact shes been out kissing other blokes though

Angus Og

You can't have a casual relationship with someone you yearn for, it just won't happen. If she doesn't want to go out with you, then there is no reason to be hopeful. She may want to be your friend and that's why you can't get away. You think her friendly interest is an invitation. It's not.

Stay away from her, or lose your mind.