Socially defective

LegacyUser

I'm in a great job and i have some fairly decent friends there. But we're not overly close - not like we're each others best friends. But im still happy most of the time being with them.

However, any time they talk about the stuff they get up to at weekends, or on nights out with other friends, and i cant help but feel so left out.

It's not as if i wouldnt go out - if ever theres our group going out for drinks or something, im usually first there - but that's because ive little else to be at. Most of my time is spent in work or at home. I've basically lost all contact with everyone else from school or college.

It's not getting any better, as everyone seems to be in relationships now. Whereas i have no-one. And my chances of actually meeting anyone soon looks incredibly slim. I've never really been in a proper relationship before. And all their talk just goes towards reminding me what i've been missing all this time.

Does anyone have any ideas what i could do to improve my situation?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I kind of know the feeling. I am and have been like that in previous jobs. To be honest, with me, these work nights out were just that-work nights out, and involved acquaintances, not friends. I realised that they weren't really friends-for instance, I wouldn't ever have thought of calling them up for a chat outside of work or calling them to help me move house. They were just work colleagues I was friendly with.

Maybe you should join clubs/go to boards beers? You can meet nice enough people there. I have done both, and while I had a nice time, I'm not really able to make connections that easily, I guess.

Whatever people I know are acquaintances. Nobody is going to go "Where is so-and-so?" if I went missing from the two clubs I'm a member in. And I guess that is the crux of the matter.

People care about you, and you care about them=friends

Everything else=acquaintances.

To be honest, maybe you should build up a layer of friends or acquaintances outside of work before worrying about relationships. Would girls not find it weird to be dating someone that had noone outside of work cooleagues? Genuine question as I'm in the same boat?

mobilecore

In a very close situation mate. I only have key friends who i go out with for nights out.
Its a sad fact of life but friends come and go, and even the friends you got tend to do their own thing on, for example, on a saturday if you go out with them on thursdays.

Want advice?
I'm 25 and this is something i should of realised younger. Only realising it now. You create "opportunities" for yourself. If all a person does is home >> work (or college) >> the odd night out with certain key friends >> you wont have a life. I've realised lately life is about getting yourself out there. Put yourself in a position of meeting new people. This is the only way to meet new friends or even a girl. Even if you have to do so yourself ie; doing a course, kickboxing, drama lessons, yoga, writing group etc - the list goes on and on. The key is the put yourself out there. Always try to meet new people. But not in a bar or club. Through social or hobbies. After a while you will gain new friends.

It can be hard because everyone has comfort zones but do so and try
things will change


So what do you have an interest in?
what would you like to do?

Angus Og

It sounds as if there is a bit of you projecting your negative thoughts on to your friends. When you say "their talk just goes towards reminding me what i've been missing all this time", it sounds like you're angry with yourself.

Anyway, the chance of meeting someone is actually very high, it's just that your mind won't let you see it. What you feel comes from the heart. As mobilecore said, you have to do it for yourself. I know for a fact that there are a lot of people (men and women) just like you out there, all telling themselves that they will never find someone to share their life with.

Never let your mind overcome your heart.

ManOfMystery

mobilecore wrote: »

Only realising it now. You create "opportunities" for yourself.

Probably some of the best advice on here to be honest, this will serve you well with many issues you encounter in life.

A lot of people post on here about things they're not happy with in life - their weight, jobs, money, etc. Nothing will fix itself and no magic genie will appear to grant us our wishes - the magic genie is YOU, and only you can make your own life better.

I've been in a similar situation (and still am to some degree). Came out of uni and moved to a different part of Ireland altogether to pursue the job I wanted. However a lot of my Uni friends took jobs abroad or in different places, and friends from my hometown ended up staying where they were. So for a long time I found myself pretty much alone where I was - I had fairly good relationships with people at work, but I would never have considered many of them to be close friends.

All in all, this didn't bother me too much as I'm perfectly happy in my own company and actually like being alone sometimes. However I was conscious that I still wanted to have some kind of relationships and friends as it's a healthy thing to have in your life, and having friends for their perspectives and input is never a bad thing. So I joined some local clubs and message boards for things I have interests in - cars, guitar, etc - and ended up getting to know people on there, some of whom have now been very close friends of mine for years.

If you want to improve your social life and make more friendships, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself known.

Tigger

join in

the best thing is public speaking classesthes will change yer attitude to life and make you friends if not that then any club or hobby

work is where you eat and i recomend you don't shit where you eat

daisybelle2008

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Probably some of the best advice on here to be honest, this will serve you well with many issues you encounter in life.

A lot of people post on here about things they're not happy with in life - their weight, jobs, money, etc. Nothing will fix itself and no magic genie will appear to grant us our wishes - the magic genie is YOU, and only you can make your own life better.

I've been in a similar situation (and still am to some degree). Came out of uni and moved to a different part of Ireland altogether to pursue the job I wanted. However a lot of my Uni friends took jobs abroad or in different places, and friends from my hometown ended up staying where they were. So for a long time I found myself pretty much alone where I was - I had fairly good relationships with people at work, but I would never have considered many of them to be close friends.

All in all, this didn't bother me too much as I'm perfectly happy in my own company and actually like being alone sometimes. However I was conscious that I still wanted to have some kind of relationships and friends as it's a healthy thing to have in your life, and having friends for their perspectives and input is never a bad thing. So I joined some local clubs and message boards for things I have interests in - cars, guitar, etc - and ended up getting to know people on there, some of whom have now been very close friends of mine for years.

If you want to improve your social life and make more friendships, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself known.

+1
Excellent advice, not a lot more I can say, only give it a go.