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Whats your favourite Limerick

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  • 04-02-2010 12:28am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭


    Whats your favourite Limerick (apart from the one in the south west)

    My own favourite is:

    There was a girl from Madrid
    Who claimed she'd never been Rid
    Along came an Italian
    With Balls Like a Stallion
    And rode her like Billy the Kid

    21/25



Comments

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,493 ✭✭✭Fulton Crown


    Here's my favourite

    "There was a young fellow from Rhyll

    Who made people exceedingly ill

    When they heard of his habits

    Involving white rabbits

    And a bird with a flexible bill."


    Cool or fcukin what ???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭DazMarz


    There was a young man from Nantucket,
    Who's c*ck was so long he could suck it,
    He said with a grin,
    As he wiped off his chin,
    "If my ear was a c*nt I would f*ck it"


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    At the finals of the National Poetry Competition the two finalist were an
    unlikely pair. Finalist number one was a Harvard educated professor of
    literature and the winner of several previous competitions. Finalist number two was a young man from the hills of outer Kerry who needed help filling out the entry form.
    The final round consisted of each competitor being given the same word and having thirty seconds to complete a verse, using the word.
    The Professor went first. The Judge said,
    "The final word this year is

    'Timbuktu'" The Prof. started thinking. Ten seconds went by. Twenty seconds.The crowd became nervous. After twenty eight seconds the Prof. began,
    "Across the hot Sahara sand,
    Trekked the dusty caravan.
    Men on camels, two by two,
    Destination- Timbuktu."

    The crowd went wild, there was no way that the Kerryman would ever top
    that.

    The Kerryman was brought on stage. The judge gave the word, "Timbuktu."
    The young man looked to the sky, he thought for 10-15 seconds, stepped up to
    the microphone, cleared his throat, and began,

    "Tim 'en me, a-walking went,
    Met three girls in a pop-up-tent,
    They was three and we was two,
    So, I bucked one and Tim Buck Two!"


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    There was a young man from Racine
    Who invented a **** machine
    On the 99th stroke, the fcukin thing broke
    And whipped up his bollox in cream


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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    A hardy young buck, name of 'Bant,
    was embroiled in a faeces-filled rant,
    But due to the rumours,
    that toilet humour's,
    banned in AH, so Bant cant.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    I'm posting on a mobile phone and I can't use paragraphs, so just bear with me. *Ahem* There was a young man from Japan,: Whose limericks never would scan.: When they said it was so,: He replied, Yes, I know,: But I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    There was an old man from Vancouver/ Who tried to eat J Edgar Hoover/ But his wife said you ought/ To eat radish and not/ Think of eating old J Edgar Hoover. ...heh heh! A piece of nonsense of my own composition!


  • Registered Users Posts: 564 ✭✭✭cue


    The limerick packs laughs anatomical
    Into space that is quite economical.
    But the good ones I've seen
    So seldom are clean
    And the clean ones so seldom are comical. :D

    but my favourite is...

    There was an old man of St Bees
    Who was horribly stung by a wasp
    When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
    He replied: "No, it doesn't -
    It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"


  • Registered Users Posts: 221 ✭✭twitch1984


    There was a young woman from Leeds,
    who swallowed a packet of seeds,
    an acre of grass grew out of her ass,
    and her fenny was covered in weeds:D


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,664 ✭✭✭Doyler92


    I don't mind Limerick's countryside.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,236 ✭✭✭Dr. Kenneth Noisewater


    There once was a priest called Keith
    Who castrated altar boys with his teeth
    It wasn't for leisure
    Or sexual pleasure
    But for the tasty white cream underneath.

    I am sorry about that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,492 ✭✭✭Thomas828


    twitch1984 wrote: »
    There was a young woman from Leeds,
    who swallowed a packet of seeds,
    in half an hour, her head was a flower,
    and her hair was a cluster of weeds:D
    cleaned up your post.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,270 ✭✭✭bazza1


    there was a young lady from Kew
    who filled her vagina with glue
    she said with a grin
    if they pay to get in
    theyll pay to get out of it too


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 muganj


    There was a young man call Hector
    Who owned a Massey Ferguson Tractor
    But he drove her to hard going in through the yard
    Slipped on some Sh1t and he wrecked her


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,637 ✭✭✭kev_s88


    my favourite is the one where you dont get stabbed! ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,210 ✭✭✭bonzodog2


    Some of you seem unaware that a proper limerick should have five lines

    There was a young man of Kent
    Whose pr1ck was so long that it bent
    To save himself trouble
    He put it in double
    And instead of coming he went


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,965 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    uch wrote: »
    Whats your favourite Limerick (apart from the one in the south west)

    My own favourite is:

    There was a girl from Madrid
    Who claimed she'd never been Rid
    Along came an Italian
    With Balls Like a Scallion
    And rode her like Billy the Kid
    as we used to say in national school


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,073 ✭✭✭Rubberlegs


    Mary had a little lamb,
    You've heard this tale before,
    But did you know she passed her plate'
    And had a little more?

    Or alternatively:
    Mary had a little lamb,
    Her father shot the shepherd:D

    Another childhood favourite:

    Spider, spider on the wall,
    You know you shouldn't be there at all,
    Don't you know the walls been plastered,
    Get off the wall you dirty.....spider..


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭SIX PACK


    cue wrote: »
    The limerick packs laughs anatomical
    Into space that is quite economical.
    But the good ones I've seen
    So seldom are clean
    And the clean ones so seldom are comical. :D

    but my favourite is...

    There was an old man of St Bees
    Who was horribly stung by a wasp
    When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
    He replied: "No, it doesn't -
    It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"

    that Limerick didnt rhyme :confused:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭SIX PACK


    73Cat wrote: »
    Mary had a little lamb,
    You've heard this tale before,
    But did you know she passed her plate'
    And had a little more?

    Or alternatively:
    Mary had a little lamb,
    Her father shot the shepherd:D

    Another childhood favourite:

    Spider, spider on the wall,
    You know you shouldn't be there at all,
    Don't you know the walls been plastered,
    Get off the wall you dirty.....spider..
    Get off the wall you dirty Bastaard :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭SIX PACK


    "Their was a young woman from Clare
    Who couldn't piss with the Hair"
    "So up came an Italian
    with a cock like a stallion"
    now she's pisses like a Mayer


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,335 ✭✭✭✭UrbanSea


    deccurley wrote: »
    There once was a priest called Keith
    Who castrated altar boys with his teeth
    It wasn't for leisure
    Or sexual pleasure
    But for the tasty white cream underneath.

    I am sorry about that.

    Haha,you are joining me in hell for that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    There was a young lad from St'James
    Who was fond of all sorts of games
    He lighted the rim of his grandmothers quim
    And laughed as she pissed thru the flames.


    There was a young man from St Pauls
    Who did all sorts of stunts in the halls
    His favourite trick,was to stand on his prick
    And roll down the stairs on his balls.


    A fellow whose surname was Hunt
    took his girlfriend out in his punt
    too lazy to rape her, made darts of brown paper
    Which he languidly tossed at her cunt

    :cool:


  • Registered Users Posts: 489 ✭✭mlumley


    There was a lady from Carshalton,
    Who had a big t*t and a short un
    To make up for that
    She had a 15 inch tw*t
    and a fart like a 650 Norton.

    :D:D:D


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,493 ✭✭✭Fulton Crown


    There was a young chappie from Rhyll
    Who made people exceedingly ill
    When they heard of his habits
    Involving white rabbits
    And a bird with a flexible bill !


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,646 ✭✭✭washman3


    There was a young lady from Crewe
    Who said as the bishop withdrew
    The vicar is quicker
    Thicker and slicker
    And 2 inches longer than you.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    cue wrote: »
    There was an old man of St Bees
    Who was horribly stung by a wasp
    When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
    He replied: "No, it doesn't -
    It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"

    As it was taught to me:

    There once was a man fae Dundee
    Who was stung on the nose by a wasp
    When asked if it hurt
    He said "ach, nae much.
    He can dae it again if he likes.
    "


    And two personal favourites:

    A poet from the County Wicklow
    Had burning ambition to show
    In verse the renown
    Of his own native town
    But he'd awful trouble finding a word to rhyme with Newtownmountkennedy



    There once was a fellow called Ward
    Who wanted to fly like a bird
    Watched by thousands of people
    He leapt from a steeple
    His tomb states the date this occurred.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,717 ✭✭✭LB6


    There was a young woman from Leeds,
    who swallowed a packet of seeds,
    In less than an hour,
    her tits were all flowers,
    and her arse was covered in weeds :eek:



    A computer is just a machine.
    You could never call it obscene.
    So if you turn red,
    From words that it said,
    It's you who knows what they mean. :p


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,229 ✭✭✭deandean


    A man from Newcastle on Tyne
    Had a penchant for speaking in rhyme
    Try as he would
    He was never much good
    'Cos he always put too many words in the last line


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