Whats your favourite Limerick

uch

Whats your favourite Limerick (apart from the one in the south west)

My own favourite is:

There was a girl from Madrid
Who claimed she'd never been Rid
Along came an Italian
With Balls Like a Stallion
And rode her like Billy the Kid

Back when BGRH was a lot more fun....

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055280326&highlight=limerick

Fulton Crown

Here's my favourite

"There was a young fellow from Rhyll

Who made people exceedingly ill

When they heard of his habits

Involving white rabbits

And a bird with a flexible bill."


Cool or fcukin what ???

DazMarz

There was a young man from Nantucket,
Who's c*ck was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a c*nt I would f*ck it"

At the finals of the National Poetry Competition the two finalist were an
unlikely pair. Finalist number one was a Harvard educated professor of
literature and the winner of several previous competitions. Finalist number two was a young man from the hills of outer Kerry who needed help filling out the entry form.
The final round consisted of each competitor being given the same word and having thirty seconds to complete a verse, using the word.
The Professor went first. The Judge said,
"The final word this year is

'Timbuktu'" The Prof. started thinking. Ten seconds went by. Twenty seconds.The crowd became nervous. After twenty eight seconds the Prof. began,
"Across the hot Sahara sand,
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination- Timbuktu."

The crowd went wild, there was no way that the Kerryman would ever top
that.

The Kerryman was brought on stage. The judge gave the word, "Timbuktu."
The young man looked to the sky, he thought for 10-15 seconds, stepped up to
the microphone, cleared his throat, and began,

"Tim 'en me, a-walking went,
Met three girls in a pop-up-tent,
They was three and we was two,
So, I bucked one and Tim Buck Two!"

FlutterinBantam

There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a **** machine
On the 99th stroke, the fcukin thing broke
And whipped up his bollox in cream

A hardy young buck, name of 'Bant,
was embroiled in a faeces-filled rant,
But due to the rumours,
that toilet humour's,
banned in AH, so Bant cant.

Thomas828

I'm posting on a mobile phone and I can't use paragraphs, so just bear with me. *Ahem* There was a young man from Japan,: Whose limericks never would scan.: When they said it was so,: He replied, Yes, I know,: But I always try to get as many words into the last line as ever I possibly can.

Thomas828

There was an old man from Vancouver/ Who tried to eat J Edgar Hoover/ But his wife said you ought/ To eat radish and not/ Think of eating old J Edgar Hoover. ...heh heh! A piece of nonsense of my own composition!

cue

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

but my favourite is...

There was an old man of St Bees
Who was horribly stung by a wasp
When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
He replied: "No, it doesn't -
It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"

twitch1984

There was a young woman from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
an acre of grass grew out of her ass,
and her fenny was covered in weeds:D

Doyler92

I don't mind Limerick's countryside.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

There once was a priest called Keith
Who castrated altar boys with his teeth
It wasn't for leisure
Or sexual pleasure
But for the tasty white cream underneath.

I am sorry about that.

Thomas828

twitch1984 wrote: »

There was a young woman from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
in half an hour, her head was a flower,
and her hair was a cluster of weeds:D

cleaned up your post.

bazza1

there was a young lady from Kew
who filled her vagina with glue
she said with a grin
if they pay to get in
theyll pay to get out of it too

muganj

There was a young man call Hector
Who owned a Massey Ferguson Tractor
But he drove her to hard going in through the yard
Slipped on some Sh1t and he wrecked her

kev_s88

my favourite is the one where you dont get stabbed!

bonzodog2

Some of you seem unaware that a proper limerick should have five lines

There was a young man of Kent
Whose pr1ck was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming he went

Capt'n Midnight

uch wrote: »

Whats your favourite Limerick (apart from the one in the south west)

My own favourite is:

There was a girl from Madrid
Who claimed she'd never been Rid
Along came an Italian
With Balls Like a Scallion
And rode her like Billy the Kid

as we used to say in national school

Rubberlegs

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate'
And had a little more?

Or alternatively:
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot the shepherd:D

Another childhood favourite:

Spider, spider on the wall,
You know you shouldn't be there at all,
Don't you know the walls been plastered,
Get off the wall you dirty.....spider..

SIX PACK

cue wrote: »

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

but my favourite is...

There was an old man of St Bees
Who was horribly stung by a wasp
When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
He replied: "No, it doesn't -
It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"

that Limerick didnt rhyme

SIX PACK

73Cat wrote: »

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate'
And had a little more?

Or alternatively:
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot the shepherd:D

Another childhood favourite:

Spider, spider on the wall,
You know you shouldn't be there at all,
Don't you know the walls been plastered,
Get off the wall you dirty.....spider..

Get off the wall you dirty Bastaard :P

SIX PACK

"Their was a young woman from Clare
Who couldn't piss with the Hair"
"So up came an Italian
with a cock like a stallion"
now she's pisses like a Mayer

UrbanSea

deccurley wrote: »

There once was a priest called Keith
Who castrated altar boys with his teeth
It wasn't for leisure
Or sexual pleasure
But for the tasty white cream underneath.

I am sorry about that.

Haha,you are joining me in hell for that.

FlutterinBantam

There was a young lad from St'James
Who was fond of all sorts of games
He lighted the rim of his grandmothers quim
And laughed as she pissed thru the flames.


There was a young man from St Pauls
Who did all sorts of stunts in the halls
His favourite trick,was to stand on his prick
And roll down the stairs on his balls.


A fellow whose surname was Hunt
took his girlfriend out in his punt
too lazy to rape her, made darts of brown paper
Which he languidly tossed at her cunt

:cool:

mlumley

There was a lady from Carshalton,
Who had a big t*t and a short un
To make up for that
She had a 15 inch tw*t
and a fart like a 650 Norton.

:D:D

Fulton Crown

There was a young chappie from Rhyll
Who made people exceedingly ill
When they heard of his habits
Involving white rabbits
And a bird with a flexible bill !

washman3

There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said as the bishop withdrew
The vicar is quicker
Thicker and slicker
And 2 inches longer than you.

cue

cue wrote: »

There was an old man of St Bees
Who was horribly stung by a wasp
When they said ; "Does it hurt?"
He replied: "No, it doesn't -
It's a good job it wasn't a hornet"

As it was taught to me:

There once was a man fae Dundee
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He said "ach, nae much.
He can dae it again if he likes."


And two personal favourites:

A poet from the County Wicklow
Had burning ambition to show
In verse the renown
Of his own native town
But he'd awful trouble finding a word to rhyme with Newtownmountkennedy


There once was a fellow called Ward
Who wanted to fly like a bird
Watched by thousands of people
He leapt from a steeple
His tomb states the date this occurred.

LB6

There was a young woman from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour,
her tits were all flowers,
and her arse was covered in weeds :eek:



A computer is just a machine.
You could never call it obscene.
So if you turn red,
From words that it said,
It's you who knows what they mean.

deandean

A man from Newcastle on Tyne
Had a penchant for speaking in rhyme
Try as he would
He was never much good
'Cos he always put too many words in the last line