reality check on TV3..its too late for me to have kids

iguana2005

always dreamed of having a family and kids and am now a heap of tears on the sofa. Yes its official 35 is too late to have kids. Barron..thats the tshirt ill wear to work tomorrow.

what is the future to hold..i love kids and had an abortion a few years back..
how ironic..karma sucks

tudlytops

Just to give you hope again, my best friend had a baby at 39 the little girl is now 6 and they are all doing just fine.

If you want one go for it, even if it doesn't happen you can have fun trying

mood

What makes you think you can't have kids and what has TV3 got to do with anything?

SadieSue

You've got a few years left don't worry!

tudlytops

mood wrote: »

What makes you think you can't have kids and what has TV3 got to do with anything?

I'm assuming it was some program where they yet again found that research shows!!!!!!

Scarydoll

35 is not too old to have kids!!! Sure isn't there women having kids in their 50's!

princess-lala

You have loads of time left dont be listening to silly tv3, a client of mine has just had her first child at 43 - is hoping to go again later in the year

iguana2005

some lady from kilarney clinic saying your all dried up at 35. some pretty bird and husband next to her with 2 IVF kids...

you hear the stories but your just trying to be nice...reality check...most(i say most) 35yr olds are looking at a future of singleton and childless lives not by choice...

wonder what will happen when we all turn 50, still cant afford to buy a house..will there be housing estates with all these single people in their 50's living in council estates...lovely!

mood

It's probably easier to conceive when your younger but that doesn't mean it won't happen or that IVF or whatever would be required. Don't let a TV3 program unset you. I'm sure they only use the stats to prove their shocking claim and forget about the stats that disprove it!

mood

iguana2005 wrote: »

some lady from kilarney clinic saying your all dried up at 35. some pretty bird and husband next to her with 2 IVF kids...

you hear the stories but your just trying to be nice...reality check...most(i say most) 35yr olds are looking at a future of singleton and childless lives not by choice...

wonder what will happen when we all turn 50, still cant afford to buy a house..will there be housing estates with all these single people in their 50's living in council estates...lovely!

Was this the jist of the program?

I want to watch it for the laugh now... and right to them when I'm 36 to let them know they were so wrong!

Dear god! I have no intention of even thinking about sprogging up till 35+.
None of the women in my family did, and they didn't have problems.

Why don't you look into having your fertility tested?
That way you know if you really do have a problem.

iguana2005

its not just the fertility im worried about..its the entire package...am so far away from meeting a potential partner, spending a few years with them, deciding on kids, saving for a house, raising the kids, retirements..

Am broke, single, starting to feel the 'age' and a future alone..being 35 in a small town and being all the above is very alienating..

have done the gym, yoga, online dating, never say no to an outing...am at the age where i dont see much of my mates anymore as they are full time jobs when young

think its just a new way of living..gone are the days of babies+house+lifetime job etc...

mood

No one knows what the future holds. Life it too short to worry about all that. Try to change your life if your not happy with it. An learn to live in the present.

Pherekydes

iguana2005 wrote: »

Yes its official 35 is too late to have kids.

iguana2005 wrote: »

some lady from kilarney clinic saying your all dried up at 35.

Nonsense and rubbish!

My wife had our 4 at ages 35, 37, 39 and 41. And they're all perfectly healthy, just in case you're wondering.

My sister had her most recent addition at 40, 15 years after her first.

It's never too late (within reason).

smoggy11

I can understand why this is upsetting, but the thing is there is usually an option for children.

Even if you don't meet the man of your dreams in time for children of your own. (as an aside, don't settle just because you can hear the ceaseless ticking of your biological clock, hold out for someone you really want to be with) Anyway, even if you don't find your partner in time, there is always adoption and other routes.

I know the dream is for a big house and children of your own but, the way I see it, if you have all that love to give, why not adopt and give it to a child that really needs it?

Not being able to have your own children is by no means the end of the world and it could mean an unwanted child having the chance of a loving home and opportunities.

3DataModem

The reality is that fertility drops for mist women around age 35, and is generally very low at 40+.

There are treatments that can improve things (mainly hormonal, also IVF, ICSI and IUI and a couple of others).

However in my experience a large number of couples are waiting to start a family, and then finding it unexpectedly difficult.

Advice; if you are over 30 and ever want to have kids, have your tubes / hormones / etc checked out NOW so that any intervention that mag be required can be planned.

You can put off many things in life, but unfortunately fertility does not really wait!

(note; I'm not a doctor or anything, but I have researched this)

Joey the lips

Hi Folks was the jist of the program not you cant but you bio clock starts to run out, In otherwords your chances deminish.

I have this arguement with the oh all the time.

How many kids do you intend happening


How many years apart.

How old do you want to be when they are 16 and full of life.


If you seriously want 2 kids I reckon your

First 35

Five years apart Second at 40


Howver you surly run the risk of menopause with this strategy

so really just logic prevailing you really want to be ,considering kids from 31/32

That is the logic i got from the program.

CathyMoran

For various health reasons we could not start trying for a baby until I was 34 and lost several babies along the way but am now 29 weeks pregnant and hope to be 36 by the time our son is born...am already hoping that we can have another one or two...mum had me at 35...

You never know what will happen with a pregnancy but that is true at any age...ideally we would have been younger but life does not always let you.

ponderaabel

Obviously there is a danger to have children older you get, and less chance to conceive, but my aunt had a healthy baby boy at 39!

Wibbs

I know a few women who have kids in their 40's. My grandmother had her last at 44, so its certainly doable. Like others have said maybe have your fertility checked to see where you are right now. Plus if god forbid you found out you couldnt have them you could always adopt or foster kids.

In any case taking anything from TV3 other than what frock is fash in their minds is not a good bet.

mood

Joey the lips wrote: »

Hi Folks was the jist of the program not you cant but you bio clock starts to run out, In otherwords your chances deminish.

I have this arguement with the oh all the time.

How many kids do you intend happening


How many years apart.

How old do you want to be when they are 16 and full of life.


If you seriously want 2 kids I reckon your

First 35

Five years apart Second at 40


Howver you surly run the risk of menopause with this strategy

so really just logic prevailing you really want to be ,considering kids from 31/32

That is the logic i got from the program.

Personally I think a five year age gap between kids is way too much. There is nothing wrong with a 1 or 2 years age gap. So that buys you a few more years!

iguana

iguana2005 wrote: »

some lady from kilarney clinic saying your all dried up at 35. some pretty bird and husband next to her with 2 IVF kids...

Do you know what age your mother went through menopause? You are quite likely to be a similar age and your fertility is still pretty close to peak up to ten years before your menopause. So my mother started peri-menopause at 48 meaning I can reasonably assume to still be close to my peak to 38-40. Pregnancy and childbirth will probably be harder for me than if I had a baby in my early-mid twenties but I still have a really good chance of having a family up til that point.

My m-i-l was 39 when she had the first of her 3 children. My grandmother had 10 children from the age of 29, 5 of which were born after she was your age. My other grandmother had 2 of her children in her late 30's. It's not that unusual for women to have children in their late 30s. There is a higher risk of Down's Syndrome but it still isn't a very high risk.

However it probably is time for you to start thinking hard about how much you do want to have a family and what your options are now.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Many women have kids when they are older than 35. My mum was in her mid 40's when she had me!

sarcur

Hi All,

I saw that program as well. They were saying that fertility drops once you go past 35 not that you couldn't have a child past 35. They were also suggesting that you should gets your bits checked sooner than later so that any problems can be identified earlier. I know loads of people who have had their first child at 35+.

mood

sarcur wrote: »

Hi All,

I saw that program as well. They were saying that fertility drops once you go past 35 not that you couldn't have a child past 35. They were also suggesting that you should gets your bits checked sooner than later so that any problems can be identified earlier. I know loads of people who have had their first child at 35+.

But did they say get checked out so any problems can be treated (not just identified) or so you can decide to have kids earlier than planned?

Oryx

Most of my friends and myself have had children in our 30s. Fertility does not have to be a problem. But theres no point smiling at you and saying ah, sure youll be fine, it is a fact that fertility diminishes as you age. It can get harder.

BUT most women are leaving having their families till later, it would seem to me. 30s is now a very common time to have kids.

I see where you are coming from in terms of finding a partner + marrying + house stuff + kids = a very long time span. But theres nothing to be gained by fretting in front of a daft tv programme about it. You were in this same situation yesterday, youve just had a stark reminder today. You are not out of time, not by a long way, so dont give up and dont waste time crying.

Good luck and hope you find what you want xx

mood

Also, bear in might the smoking and poor diet affect fertility so do a little research and try to live a health lifestyle. I'm sure stress won't help either so stop worrying and have some fun.

Stella777

I'd recommend a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.

It will help you understand how your body works and will give you some information on concrete things you can do to maintain your fertility. It might help you to feel more in control, as the title says.

I will say that where I am 35 seems to be about average for having kids, though I know it varies widly by location.

Also, this is only my opinion, but I don't think it is necessary to own property before having kids.

And I agree with the other posters who said get your hormones and such checked out.

Joey the lips

mood wrote: »

Personally I think a five year age gap between kids is way too much. There is nothing wrong with a 1 or 2 years age gap. So that buys you a few more years!

I agree but if you have a child with virtually any conditions the 5 year age gap is rec by doctors as you will spend a lot of time in hospital the first 2-3 years of the child life.

Granted you cannot legislate for this but it happens - Quite a lot.

chocgirl

Was talking to a woman today who had her last child at 47! Not an IVF baby either. Fertility does decrease around 35 for most women but that doesn't mean you are infertile at that age, it just makes it more difficult for some people!

sam34

my mother had three children after the age of 41, all healthy

Joey the lips

Joey the lips wrote: »

I agree but if you have a child with virtually any conditions the 5 year age gap is rec by doctors as you will spend a lot of time in hospital the first 2-3 years of the child life.

Granted you cannot legislate for this but it happens - Quite a lot.

But in ordinary circumstances, It will not happy sibling relationships make. To introduce another sprog, when the incumbant is between the ages of 4 and 7.
Ask my sister she bears the scars :P

mood

Yes, you can't plan kids allowing for extra time in between them incase one has problems. You think about that when and if the time comes.

Dudess

Between the ages of 40 and 45 my uncle's wife gave birth to three beautiful, healthy, sharp-as-a-tack boys.
Iguana2005, I've seen so many posts from you filled with such utter despair - this is no way to live. So you haven't got what you want in life yet, but you owe it to yourself to find happiness with whatever you've got, instead of just giving up. If this is too difficult to do on your own, would you consider counselling to help you along?

Xiney

Moonbaby wrote: »

But in ordinary circumstances, It will not happy sibling relationships make. To introduce another sprog, when the incumbant is between the ages of 4 and 7.
Ask my sister she bears the scars :P

yeah but my sister has REAL scars from growing up 2.5 years younger than me.

Seriously.

I decided to remove her appendix when I was 4.


er, on topic...

My mom had me at 34 and my sister at 37. My dad's mom had him when she was 37, and had her last child when she was 42. (She had another kid in between them but I don't know how old she was) My husband's mother had him when she was 41 or so. I assure you none of these women had the aid of IVF.

SheRa

iguana2005 wrote: »

always dreamed of having a family and kids and am now a heap of tears on the sofa. Yes its official 35 is too late to have kids. Barron..thats the tshirt ill wear to work tomorrow.

what is the future to hold..i love kids and had an abortion a few years back..
how ironic..karma sucks

iguana2005 ah pet I just wanted to give you a hug when I read your post. You just sound so sad:(. TV3 shows the most horrific tabloidy rubbish, dont take it to heart.

I work in a pretty big organisation and 7 women that I know quite well have had their kids in late 30's early 40's and not a bother on any of them.

Regarding your comment about Karma and your abortion, I presume you mean that you think that not having kids by now is your fault as you had an abortion earlier? You have to stop putting yourself down like that.

Your worst enemy wouldnt say that to you and you should be easier on yourself ok?

soldsold

Stumbled on this thread when following joey the lips posts about tiling houses and installing showers.

Iguana 2005, to add my 2c worth, I have a lot of friends that got to the early or mid 30s without being in serious relationships and probably having it weigh on their mind, or got married and had no success trying for kids. Through perseverance, determination and keeping the optimistic side out they are gradually all getting what they want. The idea of having to go through years with someone before getting married and then getting a house and then later having kids doesnt seem to happen so slowly when you get out of the 20's, its a bit more practical for obvious reasons and the process speeds up when two likeminded people meet and enjoy each others company and have much the same plans. There are lots of guys and girls out there in exactly the same boat that arent giving up and are making things happen for themselves. Some strike lucky and as soon as they decide to settle down things just happen for them, some have to put a lot more leg work in and get knocked down a peg or two along the way until they meet the right person. We are heading to a wedding soon of a friend who met his future wife on a blind date, at the time I thought he was mad to take the blind date offer up but its worked out a treat for them both and they are great together. You never know whats around the corner and when things will work out. And to reiterate what others have been saying, I also have family and friends having kids in their late 30s and beyond.

Dont lose faith, and dont believe what you see on TV, if TV didnt get people worked up they wouldn't sell any advertising.

S

Alessandra

OP, while mid thirties is not the *optimal* age to start having children(increased risks etc) there is nothing to suggest you are too old to start a family. Lots of women go on to have healthy babies in their 40s nevermind their 30s.

Just highlights how TV3 love scaremongering and sensationalism.

Those that take alll that is said on TV as gospel should wake up too.

storybud1

tv3....what a waste of a station..drivel

jared86

my mother had me when she was 35 and i'm almost normal!

MJOR

Iguana just to let you know that this time three years ago I was two months away from meeting my husband. A lot of things can change within three years. Within 8 months we were engaged.We got married in Dec I am 31 now and don't plan on kids til i am 33/34. My mother had me at 45 & my frined had her little girl at 41.

Please keep the chin up. I understand you are fed up! But don't feel bad...
I think when you are a bit older you're a bit more savvy anyway x

gonnaplayrugby

adopt?

Slow Show

My mam was thirty-eight when she had me. Oh yeah, and she had twins. And we're both perfectly healthy.

Allure_

My sister had a child at your age or maybe it was 36 .Also my auntie had a child at 40 .
Don't give up hope you still have time!

How Strange

My mam had my sister at 38 and my brother at 41.

Honestly OP, I've learned through recent family tragedies that you should live your life today and not waste it on wishing you had x, y or z or that your life was different.

And switch off that drivel of a tv station. It's absolute muck.

pinkpigs

I'm nearly 35 and trying to get my head around the fact that I may never have a family. I've recently seperated from my husband after almost 13 years and I'm now in the process of buying a new house and trying to get on with my life. I figure it'll probably take me a year to get over it before I'm ready to date again and from what I am hearing from friends and reading in r.i. and t.l.l meeting good men is a tough tasks these days.

From doing some research it seems that it's easier to have a child over the age of 35 if you already have a child, so I'm on the back foot there.

It's so not fair that men can sow their oats well into their 40's/50's. I also hate the stigma that's attached to single women in their 30's. The latest knickname that has been given to me is 'the baron divorcee', which is a killer but may also be very true.

Things never work out the way you plan them!!

You poor chicken

I hope you're doing ok. It must be so tough to start all over again.

A friend of mine is going through something similar at the moment, she is not long broken up from her long term partner. She is having an ovary removed next week, which ironically, according to her gynecologist, will actually make her even more fertile because the cysts have been making her unfertile! Anyway, we have suggested that she has some eggs frozen, just incase. I'm not sure it's something she is going to do, and I have absolutely no idea how much something like that would cost, but it might be an option for you?

I hope you meet someone soon and get to start the family you want

Best of luck

midlandsmissus

My mam had me at 36...so I aint worried, youve loads of time yet!

Don Keypunch

Same as above poster, my mom had me when she was 36, a cousin of mine started her family at 39 and has 3 kids now, under 5.