What is casual

LegacyUser

Will make this simple.

Was with a girl I know a few weeks ago, had a good time (didnt sleep together)

Got txt a day or 2 later saying she didnt want a relationship, just something casual which is ok with me (I think!)

My question is what is casual......I mean do u txt and ask out on dates or is it just say a kiss and a cuddle when/if u see her out.

Both mid 20s (24 her & 26me)...Im very busy with work, often away so would like to be able to unwind with a few drinks meal or something....is it ok to ask or is that against the general "rule"

Its prob very trivial, but any help/advice would be great

e04bf099

You are doing exactly what she doesn't want, i.e. reading into it too much;)

Casual is different to different people in different situations, so if you're unclear, then she should've clarified herself. Unfortunately, by the definition of "casual", she doesn't want to do stuff like that. The common denominator in the term "casual" would have to be an escape route. She wants an easy get-out-clause. Other than that, she could be thinking anything. I reckon she just wants control and freedom. If I wanted to take it further, personally, I'd give her all the freedom she wants and drop her. If I wanted casual, i.e. no obligations or anything, but some nice friendship with a side of sex (maybe), then I'd accept casual. Its ambiguous by nature. So the question is: What do you want?

mobilecore

I have to agree with e04bf099,
what you want is more important.

If you are looking for a girlfriend then she is probably not the one. But if you are looking for a casual thing talk to her about it. Best way in life is to talk about things So no-one can get the wrong end of the stick.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I would take it to mean that you'll go on dates/hook up etc. But that you will both be free to date other people also. It's an ambiguous term alright, if you're unsure just ask what she means by casual.

Best of luck.

sunnyside

Casual = something that isn't a "long term relationship leading to marriage"

MaxPower89

i would take it as not serious, maybe meet up if ye are free, and do whatever.

dont be making too much time for her like a gf..i.e. dont be making a big effort if she isnt.

just ask her maybe, dont think thats too unreasonable.

mood

e04bf099 wrote: »

You are doing exactly what she doesn't want, i.e. reading into it too much;)

Casual is different to different people in different situations, so if you're unclear, then she should've clarified herself. Unfortunately, by the definition of "casual", she doesn't want to do stuff like that. The common denominator in the term "casual" would have to be an escape route. She wants an easy get-out-clause. Other than that, she could be thinking anything. I reckon she just wants control and freedom. If I wanted to take it further, personally, I'd give her all the freedom she wants and drop her. If I wanted casual, i.e. no obligations or anything, but some nice friendship with a side of sex (maybe), then I'd accept casual. Its ambiguous by nature. So the question is: What do you want?

Get her to spell out what she means in case your understanding of casual is different. Then decide if this is what you want or not.

LegacyUser

OP here,

thanks for all the replies....will prob bump into her over the next week or so and have a chat and see what the story is

thanks a mill

newmember2

Casual - I'm not that into you, but you'll do in the meantime, just don't get any ideas.

dsmythy

newmember? wrote: »

Casual - I'm not that into you, but you'll do in the meantime, just don't get any ideas.

That pretty much sums it up. If you don't mind this OP then go ahead and be casual knowing not to get serious yourself.

mobilecore

dsmythy wrote: »

That pretty much sums it up. If you don't mind this OP then go ahead and be casual knowing not to get serious yourself.

I agree with that.
All the whole "i'm not looking for anything serious" is a total im not that into you. Which means you should probably stay away, unless you feel the same about them - Up for something casual too.

theg81der

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

I would take it to mean that you'll go on dates/hook up etc. But that you will both be free to date other people also. It's an ambiguous term alright, if you're unsure just ask what she means by casual.

Best of luck.

+1

Also Op that is something I said to my husband and well... Sometimes if you sense a guy is non-commital its better to preempt this, its kind of reverse psychology kind of thing. I `ve heard huge numbers of girls do this but maybe she`s genuine, but I`m sure you talked about how busy you are etc. it means you won`t feel the pressure that makes you run away and you fall in love more easily cause your not suppose to.

mood

theg81der wrote: »

+1

Also Op that is something I said to my husband and well... Sometimes if you sense a guy is non-commital its better to preempt this, its kind of reverse psychology kind of thing. I `ve heard huge numbers of girls do this but maybe she`s genuine, but I`m sure you talked about how busy you are etc. it means you won`t feel the pressure that makes you run away and you fall in love more easily cause your not suppose to.

Big gamble. I can't imagine it works out like that too often. I've seen loads loads on girls here post threads about how they have falling for there f*ck buddy and the guy couldn't give a crap about them.

Firetrap

Looks like she's looking for a f-buddy to me.

mood

I think he wants a g/f and but I have no idea what she wants. Best to ask straight out.

theg81der

mood wrote: »

Big gamble. I can't imagine it works out like that too often. I've seen loads loads on girls here post threads about how they have falling for there f*ck buddy and the guy couldn't give a crap about them.

No one suggested you go into f*ck buddy territory. You just behave like your to busy, desirable and fabulous you behave casually. Its no gamble - works every time. And Op said he is very busy, sure he said that to her she clearly reacted. Look at how your reacting Op, would you even be here asking anything or wondering about her if she hadn`t said that? What is it making you think? What is it making you think about her?