Any way of not losing the head with my hubby?

theg81der

Hi All!

Not going unreg because I figure this is a common problem.

My hubby is driving me crazy! I`m quite tidy and clean and he is so unbelievably messy. He has little piles of crap all over the house. I clean, go upstairs or down and ten minutes later he has the place a mess again.

He refuses to put clothes in the washing basket, he won`t dress the bed, pick up clothes etc. He`s really into enviornmental stuff but he`s never the one who washes anything out he just leaves it there.

I got a new kitchen summer gone and he decided it was a terrible idea the way the door on the washer dryer was mounted, low and behold its now broken and he wa the one near it. Not saying he does this consciously but every time he thinks somethings should be done differently it magically breaks soon after
!
I`m getting seriously angry and fear I may lose my temper big time.

Any ideas?

Barracudaincork

What has he said when you have told him about how things seem to break etc after he has mentioned he doesnt like it? I am assuming you have spoken to him about this issue already.

As for the cleaning etc some people are more "house proud" than others, aslong as he is hygienic then you have to live with his laziness just as much as he has to live with your must cleaness (not a word but you know what i mean). Sometimes i think this issue isnt about compromise but tolerance of the other.

kittenkiller

Hi,

I think to address the messiness (thanks god by bf won't be reading this as the hypocrisy would kill him) you should let him leave his stuff where it lies and before you go to bed each evening gather all the junk into a big bag and leave it in the corner of the bedroom or the bottom of his wardrobe.

That way, you have a clear house and all his stuff is in the same place without you having to put everything away and the onus of the work to find anything is back on your hubby as he'll have to trawl through bags and bags of stuff to find his things when he needs them.

Tell him about your plan beforehand so he doesn't think you're attacking him or throwing him out.

Best of luck.

Barracudaincork

kittenkiller wrote: »

you should let him leave his stuff where it lies and before you go to bed each evening gather all the junk into a big bag and leave it in the corner of the bedroom or the bottom of his wardrobe.

Its her husband not her son/daughter!

Talk to him and address this, but doing this is just crazy as for starters the OP still has to tidy up after him and pick the stuff up off the floor etc and then the day will come that he goes through those bags looking for his prize t-shirt or whatever and the contains of the bags are left all over the floor etc waiting for the OP to tidy up again.

Peggypeg

theg81der wrote: »

Hi All!

Not going unreg because I figure this is a common problem.

My hubby is driving me crazy! I`m quite tidy and clean and he is so unbelievably messy. He has little piles of crap all over the house. I clean, go upstairs or down and ten minutes later he has the place a mess again.

He refuses to put clothes in the washing basket, he won`t dress the bed, pick up clothes etc. He`s really into enviornmental stuff but he`s never the one who washes anything out he just leaves it there.

I got a new kitchen summer gone and he decided it was a terrible idea the way the door on the washer dryer was mounted, low and behold its now broken and he wa the one near it. Not saying he does this consciously but every time he thinks somethings should be done differently it magically breaks soon after
!
I`m getting seriously angry and fear I may lose my temper big time.

Any ideas?

My first question is; Why did you marry a 12 year old boy, because that's what he sounds like to me. There's no point in losing your temper, that just puts you in the wrong. I think kittenkiller's idea is a brilliant one, just put all his stuff in bag in one place, that way you have your house nice and tidy (I like a tidy house myself) and you don't have to be his slave either. And the magically breaking stuff, well how about you decide that his remote control should work differently etc. That's up to you really, to be honest I've no idea how you're supposed to deal with a grown man who acts like a 12 year old, should you be childish too or take the high road? To be honest I doubt talking will do much good by the sounds of him.

Peggypeg

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Its her husband not her son/daughter!

Talk to him and address this, but doing this is just crazy as for starters the OP still has to tidy up after him and pick the stuff up off the floor etc and then the day will come that he goes through those bags looking for his prize t-shirt or whatever and the contains of the bags are left all over the floor etc waiting for the OP to tidy up again.

HAHAHAHA:D Hilarious.

Surely you can see the stupidity of saying "talk to him, it's your husband", and then going on to say that if she puts all his stuff in one place he's leave a big mess for her while looking for his stuff. Surely you can see that the "husband" is behaving more like a selfish, spoiled, ill mannered son than a husband?

Barracudaincork

Peggypeg wrote: »

HAHAHAHA:D Hilarious.

Surely you can see the stupidity of saying "talk to him, it's your husband", and then going on to say that if she puts all his stuff in one place he's leave a big mess for her while looking for his stuff. Surely you can see that the "husband" is behaving more like a selfish, spoiled, ill mannered son than a husband?

Well i could say to that that the wife is acting like a nagging old fishwife who wants a house so clean she is anal over it and the man is afraid to fart incase he gets into trouble etc But im not.

I dont know how selfish the husband is, im suggesting talking to him about it and not acting on it first. I can see what you mean by cant i see the stupidity of saying talk to him, but how can she expect her husband to act like a grown up? if she doesnt approach this the way you would normally approach a topic that involves husband and wife ie by talking.

The Op hasnt mentioned they have talked about this, if they have and its done no good then the situation is different.

Peggypeg

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Well i could say to that that the wife is acting like a nagging old fishwife who wants a house so clean she is anal over it and the man is afraid to fart incase he gets into trouble etc But im not.

I dont know how selfish the husband is, im suggesting talking to him about it and not acting on it first. I can see what you mean by cant i see the stupidity of saying talk to him, but how can she expect her husband to act like a grown up? if she doesnt approach this the way you would normally approach a topic that involves husband and wife ie by talking.

The Op hasnt mentioned they have talked about this, if they have and its done no good then the situation is different.

Hmmmmmmmmmm that's true, when the OP said "He refuses to put clothes in the washing basket, he won`t dress the bed, pick up clothes etc. He`s really into enviornmental stuff but he`s never the one who washes anything out he just leaves it there" I kinda assumed that she had spoken to him about it but maybe not. Have you OP?

theg81der

Yea totally spoke to him a million times. I ask him nicely about ten times till I eventually explode.Then he says he`ll never do it again and why didn`t I just ask him nicely, to which I say I did and then he says "why didn`t you write it down for me". Then the next day he will do the identical things and say I never said anything or he doesn`t remember!! And no I`m certainly not anal about things, its like a basic level of tidy/cleandliness nothing crazy -

Like not blowing your nose in t-shirts/boxers/socks and making a little pile in the corner of every room of the house. Or not saying I do the washing wrong and proceeding to tip all the washing onto the top of the stairs and down the stairs and all over the landing because he`s going to put on a correct wash when there is ample room in the bedroom where I always do it and I don`t feel like tripping down the stairs on the clothes. Not leaving plate etc growing mould under his side of the bed etc I could go on.

And as to putting his stuff in a bag - its literally everywhere I`d have to get a skip, he refuses to throw stuff out!

Sorry for ranting this problem just seems to take me there.

Kimia

In the same boat OP although maybe not to the same extent. Nothing i have tried has worked anyway. I just have to accept that he has a different notion about what clean is and if i want the place to look nice i just do it myself. He just doesn't think - it's completely not on his radar. And i did everything from talk nicely, shout, threaten, cry, scream, ignore it, let it build up, threatened to hire a cleaner etc and nothing worked. Nothing. He was always like this, even when i met him. I can't change it and if i overthink it it makes me want to explode so i jsut get on with it.

LegacyUser

Ha Ha Ha......I am laughing but not really!! I am delighted to see there is another person in my boat. i am not a crazy tidy person but my OH is a complete slob!
So I tried everything, black bags and all and eventually introduced a "fines" system. Every item of clothes belonging to him or me results in a fine. Dishes result in a fine etc etc This was hitting him where he feels it most....in his tight liccle pocket LOL! We did a list agreed and signed it

Barracudaincork

0000001 wrote: »

Ha Ha Ha......I am laughing but not really!! I am delighted to see there is another person in my boat. i am not a crazy tidy person but my OH is a complete slob!
So I tried everything, black bags and all and eventually introduced a "fines" system. Every item of clothes belonging to him or me results in a fine. Dishes result in a fine etc etc This was hitting him where he feels it most....in his tight liccle pocket LOL! We did a list agreed and signed it

???? Really you did this? Im torn between bewilderment and awe of you right now! So how is the fine system working for you too? has it resolved the issue? and just cause im nosey what happens to the money at the end of a certain period?

LegacyUser

It is working really well actually It goes into a jar which at the moment is being used to save for house items (furniture etc). It was hard at the start but now it is better. It was even hard on me but I have put v.v.little into that jar to date! It is good as I am not as mad anymore (in fact I am strangely happy when collecting the cash LOL!) and OH has accepted it as we signed it! So less rows all round

theg81der

My OH would only ask me for money to put in the jar....

Kimia

theg81der wrote: »

My OH would only ask me for money to put in the jar....

This made me laugh out loud OP! Me too , god me too. What are they like eh!

Is he a good man OP? I know that it's so frustrating (believe me I'm there with you) but I try and get through it by thinking that my guy is such a good guy in every other way - does little things for me, makes me feel loved, we laugh together a lot etc - so I suppose I let it go. I'm sure there are things I do that annoy him too so maybe in a relationship ythere are some things that you have to let go you know?

theg81der

Practical perfect in every way Kimia lol. Yea he`s a great guy, god if he wasn`t I`d have legged it long ago. And I do try to tell myself that in the long run it doesn`t matter, I tell other people that all the time, its people that matter not things blah blah - I don`t want to turn into my mum but somehow it kinda just happens.
Hate that we waste time arguing over petty things.