what is wrong with me

LegacyUser

why is my ex still influencing my life, why cant i move on, let it go, why is there something inside me that wont just accept it wasn't meant to be.

short story, had plenty of small relationships but when i met my ex, i knew she was someone different. went out for 5 years, travelled the world, best friend, fancied her big time.....basically loved her alot, my first proper love. anyhow, for one reason or another, we ended up arguing over things, we were different people with different outlooks i suppose, and as much as i really really didnt want to break up, when she said the words, i cant say i was completely surpised. killed me though!

anyway that was a year and a half ago, and it still hurts. i've just after getting off the phone to a really nice girl who i do genuinely like who ive been seeing for a couple of months. told her i just want to remain friends.....the reason, i just dont seem to want to give 100% to anyone. i really gave it a go with this girl because i liked her but there is still this thing inside me that wont let me be happy with anyone but the ex.

i want to have those feelings again of being nervous when i go on a date, after having sex i want to be genuinely happy that it was with someone i cared about, i want to be relaxed and good friends with the person i am with. instead, after being with someone, as much as i enjoy it at the time and makes ye feel good, i dont really have any feelings after that. i want to have that feeling of excitement when you get with someone you like.

i know people will say when i meet the right person all that will change, but i've met plenty of nice girls in the last few months and as much as i have got on well with them and liked them i just couldnt see it going anywhere. my mates have also said i need to give people more time, not make snap decisions based on one night...i've just done that though for the last couple of months but all i have done is made a girl unhappy who seemed to like me and i'm back to square one. i still miss my ex! all i want to do is meet someone and be happy again but it feels like i never will be at this rate.....opinions anyone??

Peggypeg

Sweetie, you're sabataging your relationships. You really need to get into councelling and sort out your head. Yes it's sad that you were in love and broke up but **** happens. You need to move on. If you don't get this sorted you'll end up passing by lovely girls, one of which, could be the love of your life. A year and half is too long to be pining, you obviously need help getting over this.

Best of luck sweetie.

LegacyUser

Well, I hear ya dude.

I've tried giving it a go with girls but know on date number 1, by the end of it, that my feelings just aren't going to get any deeper. It's usually confirmed by date number 3.

I was out with a girl a few years ago and the communication between us was amazing - as in, she shared my sense of humour, was very funny and I looked forward to seeing her. Unfortunately for me, her feelings never got any deeper.

So like you, now I date and I give it a bit of time (as my friends advise) which usually means that someone begins to fall for me while I am thinking "right, I've given it time, now I want out".

What I would say is that there are more girls like your ex out there for you - As in there are 2 million women in the country, so there's bound to be someone who rocks your boat.

I'm not giving up on meeting one dude. Neither should you.

Is it particularly that you miss your ex or is it that you miss the idea of your ex and what she represented at that time in your life? (and is it that you are mainly remembering the good times only when you remember her?).

Look at it as logically as you seem to do when you are looking at possible future relationships - you had different outlooks, you were different people and you argued a lot.... how would that have worked out in a happy way for either of you? At the time you may have thought "I don't know if I'm happy with all this"...

Also, one's first love is bound to have a great impact on you ; now though it's time to face facts that it's over and that you have to move on.

It's what, 6.5 years since you started seeing her? So you're older now and those first date nerves tend to lessen when you get older.

Sometimes the excitement about life does also (compare your first night club experiences to more recent ones.