Getting over an ex

music lover 2

MY boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me on Friday. He said that it was because in between seeing me ( We saw each other every second weekend) he didnt miss me and he thought he should be in love by now.

I am at a loss and I know in time I will accept it but i feel really crap now. So I have compiled a list of the postives and negatives some of you might think they are not positve but rather negatvie and vice versa.............

Positive
-Lots in common
-Real attraction always telling me I was gorgeous etc but not all about sex we had a great sex life but not over the top
-He has good relationships with women
-He liked that I was independent , had my own life and was successful( he had a job that he got paid half of what i do)
- Very tactile with me -hand on my arm/waist and always looking out for me
-I eat really healthy so he would always cook things that i liked
-If I mentioned something I liked he would look into it or do it
-Suggested we go on hoilday 3 weeks ago
- Brought me to a wedding 3 weeks after we met and introduced me as his girlfriend
- 2 weeks ago it was his birthday and he said he has the best birthday he ever had because I was in his life
-I went away for xmas and when I came back he told me that I could not go away next year as he missed me too much
-Introduced me to his family after 2 weeks( he met mine after 6)
-Told his friends last week that things were going great with me (they told me that)

Negative
- Week 2 told me he was not good at relationships
- Would only hear from him every 3-4 days
- We just kind of floated along never discussed next week never mind the future
- We were too comfortable with one another
- I was afraid to tell him how I felt about him
Why?
-Early days and I have a massive fear of rejection (you can read my other post)

Now I know its over and I am trying to accept that but I am just worried about the future . I am worried about my ability to judge a situation/ a person because for me this relationship was good and was o the right road to soemthing else.

I have been in therapy for 3 years and have really worked on myself and continue to do so:) will it ever end:)

In general I have a great life, great friends , family ,own my house,I am attractive, educated and have a good job.

Today I feel awful, sad ,cheated and that I can't trust myself around men

All comments, thoughts and advice greatly appreaciated

x

LegacyUser

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. It sounds like you were scared to trust him and unfortunately it might feel like you were right. Its a difficult thing to deal with especially since you have been dealing with trust issues.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me during the summer. I was seeing a guy and after 2 1/2 months he told me he didnt feel the same way anymore and he wanted to break up. I had been like you, anxious and felt that someting was up even though on the outside he encouraged me and told me everything was well until he dumped me!

I wonder if he and possibly your ex may have wanted it to be right so much and not wanted to cause any pain, and so just hoped that feelings would evolve if they continued as if they were happy. I also wonder if maybe he did have feelings for you but was just emotionally unprepared for a relationship. Whatever the reason may be, you really cant beat yourself up about it if possible. Try to look to the future and being positive. Even just realising how amazing it will feel to be free from all the anxiety you were experiencing on a day to day basis is a good start.

If it helps it sounds like he really did like you as a friend and didnt want to lead you on. I hope you feel better soon and that loads of wonderful things lie ahead of you over the rest of the year. You will find the right guy, consider him another wrong choice crossed on the list. There are better possibilities ahead for you I'm certain

LegacyUser

Hi there OP,

Just a few points I would like to make.

First of all, that guy seems like a nice enough guy. Why would I say that you ask? -Simple, you obviously attract good men, and believe me, that is only a good thing. What you had seems to be a nice relationship, and there was nothing toxic about it. In my situation, I have had a long drawn out breakup, and the crazy lady will not leave me be! So things could be an AWFUL lot worse. Smile number 1!

Secondly, you mentioned that you have a fear of rejection. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE work on this, or any anxiety that you may have because once you love yourself 100%, you will be able to love someone else.

You WILL find someone new, I'm sure of it. Just look on the bright side of life, and certainly everything will fall into place. You have a LOT going for you.

'If you're a fool for Love, you're no fool at all. Vulnerability is a sign of strength, an absence of fear'

'END = Entirely New Direction'

D.I. Magnum

music lover 2

Great thanks for all comments and advice.Yes glad all the uncertainty s over as did think he was going to finish with me last week.It still hurts but at least I can move on now. Have to stop thinking a man will make me happy he can only add to it but not give me what I dont feel about myself.

I need to also work on showing my vunerabilty good advice D.I as always think i will come across needy ( I know that are 2 different things but need to work out which is which)

Thanks

music lover 2

I wonder if he and possibly your ex may have wanted it to be right so much and not wanted to cause any pain, and so just hoped that feelings would evolve if they continued as if they were happy

I think you could be right as he is a nice guy its still hurts though you cant help wonder "what is wrong with me" that he didn't feel the sane way buy I never told him how i felt I always acted cool and calm

I know i will remember it as a great experience in a while just crap at the moment

LegacyUser

With regards to your 'what if', the fine line I walked was whether my ex, 'J' was genuinely hoping that we would get back together in the future like she said, or if she was just saying that, and being a selfish so-and-so (stuff she got away with). Now I see her kissing other guys on facebook. She calls me looking for sex a week ago..I declined.(must be that I am that damn good) . I am still not truly over her....Rant over

Your guy seems like a decent skin.

So, no contact with him , EXERCISE (!!), and keeping a positive view of it all,will contribute to getting over him. Be mopy the next two or three days if you like, embrace the pain (don't bury it!!), and then wake up the next morning and make a CONSCIOUS decision to be happy!

One thing is for sure, your ex didn't want to cause you pain. And there is NOTHING wrong with you. It will all work out. Strict no contact is what the Drill Instructor orders!

'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened'

D.I. Magnum

music lover 2

OH good for you D.I you were v.strong not to meet her. I think Facebok is worse than the phone in terms of seeing pics and knowing exactly what they are up tp

Re:contact i wont contact him whats the point even though it is extremely difficult.Still a that stage of thinking "why did it happen" for me attraction and getting on with someone are 2 musts,obviously he needs more

I have gone out with people in the past and it was mad sparks and then just faded and we broke up.This seemed to be a more mature thing well for me it was. I was taking it slowly and enjoying it.However we didnt talk about how we really felt.He did say I am falling or you after a month but i kinda of ignored it..

Anyway what the phrase analyzing is paralyzing so i will have to stop!!