Never been on a date / had a gf

LegacyUser

Not sure what I'm going to achieve from this thread but here goes....

I'm a regular poster on Boards and am a bit embarrassed by my current prediciment. I'm in my late 20's and as the titles suggests I've never been on a date or have had a gf. Sometimes it gets me down and I wonder what the hell am I going to do. Friends of mine would consider me to be good craic and a loyal friend who would do anything for them. I've been told by my friend's gf that I'd make a good bf for someone. But none of that stuff really means anything in truth.

However, as I have no hair, I'm always going to be up against it. Don't get me wrong, I've chatted up women in the past and thought things were going to happen. I don't know what it is but I can never take the next step. Then again it's very hard to tell if someone is really interested in you.

It's hard to know what the real issues are. Perhaps it's because I have intimacy issues, I've never really had a happy family suitation and have very few female friends (or friends in general). Lots of acquaintences but very few true friends. Maybe it's because I'm scared in truth. To the outside, I come across as a few confident person I'm but deep down I'm far from it. I'm very consious that I'm not the best looker nor the fact I have no hair (alopecia). Mind you it could be the fact I'm scared of rejection. I don't know really.

I'd love to be able to have a gf, have someone to share my life with. But with each passing year it gets more difficult and difficult. Kind of reunning out of ideas really.

Thanks for listening, this hasn't been easy to write.

Msirishbell

Hey,

I understand what you mean about the confidence, people generally think I'm confident but I'm not. I get very stressed about things and question myself all the time.

I'm not the best for giving advice but have you ever tried speed dating. I went to it once and it was actually quiet fun, aslong as you don't take it too seriouly. you might get a date out of it or if not make new friends and gain a bit more confidence.

Personally I would say don't worry about the hair thing. i have dated a guy with no hair. For me personality is much more important than something as minor as how much hair you have.

Chocolate Dots

You say it's hard for you to make the next step...My advice would be to just do it! You have nothing to lose. So take the chance Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I've thought about speed dating but I'm not really sure about it's results. It's very easy to say "just do it". There's so much more than that.

CDfm

OP a bit of advice.

If you have a job and the opportunity to lunch with girls do so and get used to their company and chat

cultivate your female friends

if there is a random outing like a boards go and speak to the girls there

girls are not stupid and do make allowances for shyness to and believe may they will want to listen to you

smalltalk is good complimenting clothes hair even glasses and if someone looks well or is thoughtful say it

once you get the hang of socialising with girls you will be fine

the leap from suggesting to a few people to suggesting to 1 to meet is small

say if someone says oh i would love to see x movie say so would i but ad fancy seeing it on saturday or something and you may have a date

its hard to start but with everything you will become ok

mood

I agree just go for it. You have nothing to loose. I don't think the no hair is the reason why. You are at an age where a lot of guys go bald and any girl who like you will see past that.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

I'm a female in the same boat but I know my problem is the fact that I've never plucked up the courage to ask guys out. I have never been on a date/had a boyfriend and my problem is that I expect guys to do the asking out, when the "type" (if you wanna call it that) that I go for is the less outgoing type who probably would feel the same. This is a vicious circle as you can see!

The next time I meet a guy I like, if I am chatting to him or texting him or something, I am just going to go ahead and suggest meeting up - I know I have to break this pattern. I always try and remember a phrase I once heard - "Do what you've always done and you'll get what you've always got". While it may not be the best grammar, but it seems pretty logical to me. It's just trying to pluck up the courage is the problem.

Anyway I suppose I haven't got much advice other than that, but I will say do try to get over this fixation on your hair, of lack thereof - I am more attracted to a guy's personality than his hair, and I have plenty of female friends who feel the same! Also, I'm sure you probably have other great features like lovely eyes or a great smile

Best of luck OP