Should I tell my ex?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I was going out with L for a good few years and we broke up mid last year. We're still friends, say hello, swap an odd text here and there and comment/talk on facebook what not. We broke up not because either of us did anything wrong but simply because the relationship wasn't working for us and we ended it

I've noticed my ex has a profile on POF so we're definitely not going to get back together, and i'd like to still be friends with her

Anyhow, i've been seeing a lady, C for a little bit and looks likely that I will be seeing her more as time goes. So I want to tell L about her before she hears about it from someone else.

Do you think I should text her and tell her or is that impersonal? Should I meet with her and tell her or would that be too much? Or should I say nothing as really we're not together anymore. I think if she saw a guy i'd be genuinely happy and would appreciate the honesty of her telling me

Thanks

reap-a-rat

I think she'd definitely appreciate being told - my mam and dad had had a crap relationship for years, didnt speak for 10 years or more til they decided to get a divorce, one day dad calls up to tell mam he was seeing someone before she heard it from someone else and she really appreciated it! that was from a man who hadnt talked to his wife in that long, the fact that you're on friendly terms with your ex means you should be well able to tell her!! i mean maybe text her just askin if she has any news, then mention it !!

lau1247

personally unless you're seeing someone she is very close with, there's no real need to tell her.. Who are you hurting by not telling her? Remember she's not with you anymore..

Also there is the potential (Depending on person to person) that they might think you're rubbing it in their face..

Just my two cents

jenga-jen

I'd definitely tell her if you're friendly and speak to her on MSN. Not telling her might seem like you were hiding it when it eventually comes out, either in conversation or if she's likely to hear it from someone else.

It all depends OP, you know how your relationship with your ex is and ultimately would you want to know, even out of courtesy, if the situation was reversed?

Ickle Magoo

Tbh I think the over-think and uber-concern of what an ex thinks of you moving on with your life and whether you need to make some kind of declaration of honesty in person belays there are still plenty of feeling there. You say you are definitely not getting back together because you found her profile on a dating site - does that mean you would consider getting back with her?

My advice? Move on or make a concerted effort to get back together with her. Why you would even consider meeting up with an ex to specifically tell them you have met someone else is beyond me - if you are chatting and it comes up in conversation then mention it as you would to anyone else, but I see no reason why an ex should be specifically "warned" of it - unless you are looking at finding ways of initiating contact or trying to illicit jealousy?

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Tbh I think the over-think and uber-concern of what an ex thinks of you moving on with your life and whether you need to make some kind of declaration of honesty in person belays there are still plenty of feeling there.

Of course there's feeling there. We were together a long time and she's still a friend at the end of the day. I don't have those kind of feelings anymore but I still to care about her as I would any other friend

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My advice? Move on or make a concerted effort to get back together with her. Why you would even consider meeting up with an ex to specifically tell them you have met someone else is beyond me - if you are chatting and it comes up in conversation then mention it as you would to anyone else, but I see no reason why an ex should be specifically "warned" of it - unless you are looking at finding ways of initiating contact or trying to illicit jealousy?

I feel that as part of my moving on, she should know that i've moved on. I really feel its an issue of closure an issue of moving on, and i'm definitely not trying to create any form of jealousy. I want her to know so that she knows i've moved on and she can do the same. All I really wanted to ask is should I text or is that too informal? or should I wait until I see her or would that be too much?

Ickle Magoo

Surely the fact you broke you broke up signified you moved on? I don't understand why you feel you have to keep an ex updated with your current love life. Have you asked your gf how you should break it to your ex?

Anyway, I wouldn't text it because it's so difficult to read tone. Say it to her face and just throw it in with the conversation. Best of luck. :cool:

Lillylilly

I'd say just leave it. If an ex of mine phoned me one day to tell me he was seeing someone, my reaction would be "eh...so??"!
You say you're friends, but someone in your day-to- day life would know you were seeing someone. It's great that yiz share the odd text and FB comment, but that's it! It's none of her business that you're now with someone else. Yiz are broken up. And from a girly perspective- I'd think there was an element of rubbing my nose in it if an ex felt to need to formally tell me he had a new girl!

newmember2

Agree with the posters above. If you're moving on then do just that and move on.
No need to explicitly let your ex know when you find someone new.
From what you've written it sounds more like you're trying to match your ex for her POF profile by informing her that you too are seeing someone new.

It's OK to feel hurt after seeing her POF profile, but you need to feel it and then move on with your own life regardless of what your ex is doing.

Barracudaincork

Dont tell her, unless you plan on calling all your friends up to tell them about this new girl, but somehow i doubt it. Treat her like the friend you describe her to be and no more.

Bonito

It depends on how close of friends you are with your ex Op. Take her being your ex out of the equation and ask yourself this. "If we were just friends and never had a relationship, is she a close enough friend to tell that I am seeing someone?"

If you answer no then don't tell her. A friend is someone who will be happy you have found someone. Your ex on the other hand might get upset. If you really feel the need to tell her approach it from a different angle. Something maybe along the lines of asking "So how's the love life going" in a joking manner and when she's replied and asks what about you then say "oh just been seeing someone lately" and then wish her well in finding someone or if she is seeing someone wish her relationship well with that said person.

If you're going to tell her make sure it's because you see her as a friend and not a friend + ex because that can be messy and your ex + friend will turn out to be just an ex.

All the best Op.