How do you know if you did the right thing

LegacyUser

I broke up with my gf. we were together over a year. It was prob the best time i've ever spend with a girl. I truly loved her, so much so that i thought for a good bit that i could end up with this girl. I was so close to her and have never been that close to anyone else before, man or woman. I'm very bad at diagnosing my feelings and dealing with them and with her she ever got me to deal with some

How it ended; Lots of arguments happened towards the end (1 or 2 months)(she brought up the arguments), seemingly about nothing. They became more frequent so as a result i broke up with her. I felt like it had become stagnant, and she was clinging to the relationship.

The first few weeks were hard. not knowing what to do with myself. Then i started going out with friends, things seemed to be on the way up. Even had some girls showing interest. It was good. Then i found out how upset she was and it left me feeling sick that i hurt her so much. This passed within a few weeks.

We met up after this, she wanted to get back together, and i didn't. At the time i thought i didn't fancy her anymore. Left me feeling reaffirmed that i made the right decision. We finished up the conversation well. Ended up chatting like we used to. I thought i might pull my friend back from this. We agreed to meet up in a few weeks as friends.

Before this meeting i was feeling apprehensive, but in a good way. i was looking forward to meeting her again. We met and it went well. We actually got on v.well and laughed and what not. During the meet, i tried to figure out if how i felt before, on the previous meeting was still true and i couldn't tell. I didn't know how i felt at all. I left the meeting feeling good and i was in excellent spirits the following day.

Since then (over the rest of the week) I've been in a bad place. I'm gutted and very sad.Teary and close to tears very often and i honestly don't know why i'm so sad. I don't know if i'm sad because it has finally hit me that its over and things are changing and i've lost my best friend or if i'm sad because i am not sure if i made the right decision.

I'm not going to rush to any conclusions, i'm hoping that time will help me get some clarity but i needed to get this down

So my question is how do you know you made the right decision

RealistSpy

The thing is if you argue and fight a lot that won't stop anytime soon. I can almost garantee if you get back together sooner or later the same thing would happen. The questions are:

Do you still like/lover her?
Do you want to be with her?
Can you live with fighting a lot then making up?
Do you have the strength to talk if there is a problem?
Are you willing to make it work?

If the answers are yes then go for it agian if she wopuld take you back.

GL

Jessiegirl

I'd echo everything Realistspy said. You'll have to make a big gesture and make sure she knows you love her if you want her back as she may be trying hard to get over this, remember you broke up with her.
Ring her, visit her and be straight and sincere.

If you want her go for it, life is too short to be miserable.

LegacyUser

I appreciate the feedback. I think i might still have feelings. I'm trying to give myself some time to get some things straight

How does it go wrong so fast.From bliss and devotion to wanting to get out. Does it really boil down to how much you want it and how you can ride out the rough spells. We were good on communication, i feel

LegacyUser

How long are you guys broken up for starters??
I was in a similiar situation myself where the guy broke up with me last year after a year together. we had been away and stuff together and i guess we did havesome arguements etc.. which he felt were not normal.. but at the end of the day we cannot all agree all of the time.. disagreements is a relationship are healthy and thats how you learn about a person.. The guy i was with said all the same stuff to me.. that he never felt as close to anyone and that i helped him to open up and share his feelings and stuff.. but at the end of the day he still did the same thing to me and essentially broke my heart.

My advise as i have been in the same situation.. take your time and be really sure of what you want before you even consider contacting her.. dont give her false hopes and the guy did that to me a few times and fecked me around and i found it harder to get my head back together.

Remember relationships are never easy.maybe the girl had reasons to start arguements. maybe you didnt see things, maybe you were insensitive at times.. who knows? there has to be some reason for starting arguements.
But perhaps if you feel you were meant to be with this person.. contact her, meet up with her, share your concerns and be totally open and honest. she may still feel the same for you and it could end up working out for you both.
If you dont have feelings for her.. leave her be. honestly theres nothing worse then someone giving you false hope.. i know for experience.

Hope it works out for you

LegacyUser

Thanks Similar1

Only broken up 2 months so i know its early. We have met up twice as friends but it was her who initiated it. I did tell her i wanted her as a friend. And i believe her when she said this in return. Could accepting these be construed as leading her on.

LegacyUser

To be honest - I dont believe people who were together and that went through that kind of pain can be friends that fast. I know I could never be friends with my ex... It would be way to hard and my break up happened in like July last year.. which was a good while ago. He really hurt me and i was so in love with him. I couldnt look at him as just a friend so i was better off breaking away from that and advising that i couldnt be friends and try and get over what happened for myself.

To be honest i was in the same position and this girl and if you are truely heartbroken by someone who you really loved then its hard to just accept them as friends.. maybe she saw the breakup as temporary and was giving you space hoping that you may change your mind?? or perhaps she genuinely didnt have deep feelings for you and has just faced facts and decided to move on. Sounds to me that she had feelings for you if shes initiating it.

Perhaps you need to now think to yourself... do you want this girl back/why are you questioning it? / whats making you so upset? / Are all these feelings trying to say something.. do you still love her?

Sometimes time apart can be good for people and attitudes change and people learn from their mistakes.

sounds to me like you still have feelings or you wouldnt be questioning it. if you dont then the next time she suggests meeting perhaps you should not go if you dont want to lead her on.. thats just from experience. if you have feelings for her go for it.

It takes longer then two months to even think about being someones friend again in my mind. give it time if this is all you want from her.

notmyself wrote: »

Thanks Similar1

Only broken up 2 months so i know its early. We have met up twice as friends but it was her who initiated it. I did tell her i wanted her as a friend. And i believe her when she said this in return. Could accepting these be construed as leading her on.

encore1

how do you know if you've made the right decision? you grow a spine and live with your choices and stop being a selfish git, only thinking of yourself. You have absolutely NO right to be messing this girl around like this and if you do genuinely care for her, you'll leave her alone and let her get on with her life. you're the one who ended it so deal with it.

if you truly want her back - and not just for the sake of having someone or because you get on well etc, then do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make her see that. no more false hopes or empty promises, you f*cked it up by ending it, its now up to you to fix that and if you can't do that, then do the right thing and walk away.

don't cause her anymore pain than you already have - just because you "think" you might still have feelings - either you do or you don't.

LegacyUser

To be honest - I agree with encore.. but i tried to say it more softly really before....

Yeah i think that if your questioning it at all you are regretting your decision there and to be honest it is your own fault..

If you felt that this girl was the only one youve ever been really close to etc - why did you let her go?? my ex told me that and I wish i could ask him the exact same question!

luckily enough i have managed to look past what he did to me and get on with my life..

If you regret what you did - then do something about it and stop being a whimp.. if you dont then leave her alone and let her find someone who deserves her.

Wowsa Encore - you said exactly what i wish i said in my first reply there.. fair play!

encore1 wrote: »

how do you know if you've made the right decision? you grow a spine and live with your choices and stop being a selfish git, only thinking of yourself. You have absolutely NO right to be messing this girl around like this and if you do genuinely care for her, you'll leave her alone and let her get on with her life. you're the one who ended it so deal with it.

if you truly want her back - and not just for the sake of having someone or because you get on well etc, then do WHATEVER IT TAKES to make her see that. no more false hopes or empty promises, you f*cked it up by ending it, its now up to you to fix that and if you can't do that, then do the right thing and walk away.

don't cause her anymore pain than you already have - just because you "think" you might still have feelings - either you do or you don't.

Miss Fluff

notmyself wrote: »

Thanks Similar1

Only broken up 2 months so i know its early. We have met up twice as friends but it was her who initiated it. I did tell her i wanted her as a friend. And i believe her when she said this in return. Could accepting these be construed as leading her on.

Yes, I think you're being very selfish. You're basically saying that you want her in your life (the parts of her personality that you like), and at the same time giving her false hope that a reunion may be on the cards. She won't be able to get over you if you keep meeting up. You have to be cruel to be kind and cut her loose. Some time and space with no contact (Uncle Wibbs always advises no contact and he's never been proven wrong;)) will give you both the opportunity to establish whatb you both really want. Meeting up when it's still so raw will just confuse things.

CDfm

OP you have feelings for her definately.

As a person do you like her?

Physical attraction is one aspect of it and personality another factor.

Does she rock your world.

Another aspect is what were the nature of the arguments? spurious etc or on the level.

Can you see a future together.