Lonely feeling

LegacyUser

I feel very lonely, I never go out at weekends or after school except when I work at a shop on Saturdays from 9 -1. I have no friends, Ive never really had any, its not cos Im not friendly its mainly cos Im so shy- I want to talk and have a laugh with other girls but whnever anyone speaks to me I get panicky inside and I only say short sentences and cos of that people think im weird. Im also not good looking and a bit overweght. We had a non uniform day in school for charity and I saved up to buy a lovely top for it in the shops and but when I was walkign into my estate a man who was walking past me came right up to my face and shouted, WOW You're ugly arent you!!!!! then laughed and walked off. He didnt touch me or anything but I was so scared I just froze to the spot. Some kids that were sat on the wall just started laughing and I went scarlet. I didnt feel like wearing that top after than and just went into school in my uniform- which people that was weird (but I stil gave soem money). I know I am ugly but Im a nice person aswell, just people dont see it, I think I dont really smile too much which makes people think Im moody or something but Im not really.

People in school say Im gay, Ive even seen it written on desks, but Im not, I just never had a boy that liked me, I liked one before but was too afraid to talk to him, I know he didnt like me anyway so it didnt matter. My mam is nice but she works all the time, evey weekend I just watch the tele, its very boring and sometimes I just sit on my bed and look out the window. This year is my last in school and I wont be going to college, I might get work full time in the shop though but its just me and an old couple in the shop.

I dont really know what my question is I just feel like I'm watching my life pass me by and I always have a pain inside me now and I know its cos of loneliness.

Kevster

That guy did not mean what he said, and I imagine it was more due to how nervous you might look, instead of how you actually look. A nervous person is easy to spot while outside. They just behave differently, and other idiots like that guy sometimes feel the need to do their worst. The truth is that you are not ugly, and that you never were and never will will be. Nobody on this planet is ugly.

I used to think that I was so ugly that I was actually an alien. Im now 26 and know that I'm not ugly. In fact, I've received many compliments over the years. You don't have to look like anyone else to be pretty. You just do what is most comfortable for you, and ignore what anyone else says. Do'nt ever listen to people who try to force their opinions on you.

What else... ...I dont have any friends either. The only people I talk to each day are the ones I see in the hospital where I research. When I go home, I might very well not utter a single word. Over weekends, I probably only say less than 50 words to shopkeepers and such.

Kevin

Ickle Magoo

OP,

First and foremost people only ever knock you down because when they succeed it makes them seem higher up the food chain than you - it has very little to do with what you do or don't actually look like.

Second of all, I don't know very many truly ugly people at all, I know plenty who think they are ugly - odds would have it that you fall into the second category.

Thirdly, can you find a club or hobby group that follows an interest you have? It's much easier to make friends when you have more in common than just trying to survive the jungle that is school.

Big hugs.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are so lonely. I don't really know if my advice will be any good, but I hope you'll bear with me. I'm 21 now and I had a really awful time in school too. I didn't have any friends until I left school, and before that, somedays I used to sit in the toilets waiting for lunch time to be over. I used to buy clothes all the time and never have the guts to wear them too. I was really self-conscious.

What I found helped - dunno if you'll feel the same - but I told myself in my head that I was absolutely deadly! There was noone like me in the world. I made a little list of all the things I like about myself and it made me realise that I am far, far better than those pathetic people in school that took the piss out of me. I told myself that I was far more interesting than any of them, who do nothing but bitch and get sh!t-faced at the weekend. (I was kinda angry lol!) And y'know what? I was better than them! And you are too! There is noone like you in the world either - you have to believe that. Even if you don't, just tell yourself you ar cool/funny/interesting/whatever you wanna be! People can't tell when you fake confidence, I think. And if you wear your cool top around the house, at the start, get comfortable in it so that when you leave the house it's like a second skin and you won't feel paranoid. As Kev said, noone is ugly, especially not someone as young and full of potential as yourself!

I also found that going to college was one of the best things I ever did. I'm in my final year now, and I am a completely different person. College took me out of my comfort zone and made me so much stronger because of it. I became far more independent, and I never had to see any of those b!tches from school either! :P Maybe you live in a small town - I did and when I moved to the city it really opened my eyes. I became who I wanted to be (Still on the road there but that's another story!! :P) with my freedom and independence and meeting sound people I respected. Maybe you don't wanna go to college, and that's grand - but maybe a FÁS course in something you are interested in? Something that you can develop skills or pick up a hobby. You'll be with like-minded people and you'll get a qualification at the end that will make you feel like you accomplished something! Even just looking them up online will allow you a bit of escapism, I think.


I know you feel really alone now, and I did too. It's possibly the worst feeling in the world, but I did realise something. It made me who I am today - I developed a personality that was different to all those people in school who did nothing but bitched - I read and I listened to music and I developed individual opinions that stand to me now. I threw everything I had into my schoolwork and getting away from the position I was trapped in, that's how I overcame it all. MAybe what I've said is just nonsense, but even if you just remember that quote: "Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent" and just remember that school isn't forever!

x

Sorry for the length - probably the longest hing I've ever written!

LegacyUser

hi, my story is a little like yours, altho not as sad. i'd be popular enough in school, but for a few reasons can never seem to get into the friend zone with people, probably becoz of the area i live in which is a bit away from everyone else.

this is really sad, what age are you?

btw that guy was probably just an inbred scumbag, and he was definetly a scumbag.

Tchaikovsky

Hey honey... I've been there before too, but believe me, now is the time that things change. You only have a few months left of school and then the world's your oyster!
You should concentrate on your exams by means of long term benefits: even if you don't want to go to college next year, it would be great to have your points as a back-up.
Personally, I think it would be a good idea for you to work next year and take some time to look at courses and colleges for the following year. You could maybe do some evening courses in the mean time; start a new language or a cooking course. Perhaps you'd have some money to travel- check out some websites for volunteering abroad.
The thing is, you must realise that it's all in your hands now. It's your choice to study for your exams, your choice in your career path, your choice to seek help.

Cheap Thrills!

Ah, my heart goes out to you OP. Reading your post made me sad.

Things won't be like this forever. You can change things. You need to build up your confidence. A lot of people also suffer from shyness and social anxiety, worrying that they are boring/dislikable and will say the wrong thing.

You can change that maybe a bit of counselling would help. Would you be able to join a group of some sort just to break up your week. Maybe something other quiet people enjoy, that way there is not so much pressure on you.

The feeling that people are judging you is what is inhibiting your conversation and speech. Remember no-one is better than you, you are as good as anyone else. They have no right to judge you.

You sound a lovely person by the way you write. I bet you will make good friends with a little work. All the best OP.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, thanks for the nice thigns you said. I spoke to my mam and she said she knows Ive been sad. We're going to start a pilates (did I spell that right?) class in a couple of weeks together- she cant make it every week but I might go if my da gives me a lift on the weeks she doesnt, she's going to bring me shopping aswell to get some new clothes. I didnt do anything this weekedn but I went for a real long walk and I feel a bit better today.

bluebee

Hi honey, when I read your post I had to reply even though I never would usually.

I was exactly like you in secondary school. In 2nd yr my best friend started to bully me and ensured that nobody else would talk to me, so I used to dread lunch times and free classes sitting on my own. My whole school experience was pretty awful to be honest, she and the others took a lot of pleasure in calling me ugly and all sorts of crap. The worst thing is that I believed her and got so depressed, for years I couldn`t look in a mirror. I covered the mirror in my bedroom up and wore really baggy old clothes to hide away.

The thing is though that there`s no such thing as an ugly person, only an ugly personality! And I can gaurantee that you`ve got a nice personality, and that`s what makes someone look pretty and attractive:) l
Looks aren`t what`s important, whats important is that you like you yourself.

I just did a degree in a creative field, and all the girls in the course got on with each other for the most part. We all looked quite different, most of us wouldn`t be the typically pretty thats sooo important to all those prissy little b**ches in school. Honestly you could go in wearing a paper bag with the right attitude and you`d get people thinking you were cool! College was great for my confidence, I made friends who were tolerant of everyone, I actually have my own sense of style and wear whatever I want:rolleyes:
I really, really think you should consider doing a course in college, maybe you could do a visual merchandising course? That would be great for working in retail.

Plus there are all sorts of youth theatre goups that you could sign up for, you could do one in the city centre? the liklihood is that you wouldn`t know anyone there, so you can act however you like.
Please pm me if you need to talk to someone, I know what its like to be lonely, honestly!