Ex back on dating site already

Jessiegirl

Just 2 weeks later my ex is back on a dating site. Now I've been on them too, I reactivated an account, to kill the pain and pass the time, all the time missing him terribly.

He told me one of the reasons he wanted to break up was to be alone.
Then why is he seeking out women, he's fully paid up this time and obviously serious. So he doesn't want to be alone, just now with me.
I feel like crap now, if he wants someone now he could have had me. I know it's his loss of course but it's like a kick in the stomach and makes me feel crap about myself and what we had.
Maybe it's his way of getting over things, another woman to numb the past?

Guess it's very common these days? Guess the 'alone' line was bull****?
I know you're going to tell me to forget him but it does take time. I loved him to bits.

Kiera

How long were you together?

mobilecore

well you say one of the reasons, what was the other reasons beides "wanting to be alone"

But if that was the main reason its simply the whole line of "i just want to be alone" really means "i'm breaking up with you and want someone else"

its the whole "its me, not you" thing - which is hardly ever the case. Sorry to be so blunt its the realities of life.

Jessiegirl

We had known each other for 13 months just, long enough though. It was never a smooth ride, we broke up before and I'm not saying I want him back. He had a thing for having contact with women.

Obviously the 'alone' was bull but agreesively seeking out dates so soon?

Kiera

Ok this is just from me looking on the outside BUT i does seem like an excuse to break up with you. He was too much of a coward to tell you it wasnt working for him and gave the excuse that he wanted to be alone.

It sounds like "its not me its you" to me. I'd count my chickens if i were you. He doesnt sound like he's worth it.

mobilecore

I am going to assume a few things.
Tell me if i am right or wrong.

did you meet him off a dating site? (not sure on this one)

however, you are saying he had a thing for "contacting other women" - which is a tell tale sign he wasnt that into you and now his behavior of seeking another so quick, no breakup time. no time for himself to get things back in order. Its a classic tale of he was using you.
Sorry to be so blunt. its happened to me, twice. Chin up and to hell with him.

mood

So were you together for 13 months? You can hardly complain about him on a dating site when you are as well. It this how you meet?

Jessiegirl

Yes we met online. Maybe he did the same after the last girl and I was a rebound. Maybe it helps him forget.
Anyway.....I'm just still upset, it's not been long since we broke up, I'm entitled to that much. I'll be fine in a while.
Thanks everyone

mood

You are better of it ended now and not after another 13 months. Maybe you should join a different site so you don't have to see his profile.

Kiera

Jessiegirl wrote: »

Yes we met online. Maybe he did the same after the last girl and I was a rebound. Maybe it helps him forget.
Anyway.....I'm just still upset, it's not been long since we broke up, I'm entitled to that much. I'll be fine in a while.
Thanks everyone

Chin up, hon. It does get better x

mobilecore

Jessiegirl,
this man is not worth it.
there is much to suggest that he was mailing other girls and most probably cheating on you while with you. so much evidence to suggest so. How he ended it just screams of he wasnt that into you. But was dating you for so long.

dont worry hun.
we all have gone through stuff like that. at the moment i'm reeling from when i had a fight with my ex at the end of last month (dec 28th) about "only a friendship" she was striking up with an older man. I found out they were talking about sex, both the topic and having it with the other. I broke up with her. As thats a deal breaker for any retionship. 4 days later she slept with him. only the second time she ever met the man. And had the cheek to call me "parnonoid" (on a phone call) minutes before she admitted she slept with him. after swearing it was only a friendship - hun this is what we face in the world of dating.

Dont let it hurt you
chin up

and try and meet someone in your day to day life. their are alot of downsides to meeting someone off dating sites. Ive heard stories of people meeting and dating for a year while one of them was going and meeting other people from the site behind the OH's back.

Jessiegirl

It's hard to meet people though, my friends married, never get out, not working either at mo. I've signed up for voluntary work.

mood

I'm out of work as well and am job hunting like crazy and will move anywhere to get work. Although I would love to meet someone I'm not looking as I am too stressed and could have to move anywhere. I will give internet dating a go at some stage but it not a good time right now. Maybe it would be best to take a break form dating or at least looking. A break up is much harder when so much else in your life is not going that well. Maybe concentrate on getting fit etc as well as job hunting to keep busy.

Jessiegirl

Thanks, yes am out walking etc, hard to get motivated. I'm a bad age but I'm not in hurry to date. I have a lovely little boy who will always be mine so I have other things in my life I should be thankfull for.

mood

What do you mean a bad age?

Jessiegirl

40 lol...I just mean when you're online it's a funny age, some might know what I mean!

sam34

so its ok for you to go on sites after ye break up, but not him?

maybe hes not looking for a girlfriend from them, but instead just some casual no-strings-attached sex

Jessiegirl

Considering he implied he wanted time off from relationships yes it seems wrong but we all know that was bull most likely. Apart from that he can do what he wants so don't have a go at me. I'm the one hurting and he seems fine.

Casual sex? em I don't think so, too personal to explain.

sam34

well maybe he just wants to "pass time and kill pain" like you do.

Jessiegirl

Yes, maybe that's all it is but I don't think he's hurting like me.

nesbitt

Jessiegirl, you are absolutely not a 'bad age' stop that train of thought. You have a little boy, being a Mam to someone is one of your many facets.. celebrate that fact. Hold your head up and don't kick yourself unduly because of a broken romance/relationship.

Just this morning I cancelled my sub and profile on a dating site. It is not for me at the moment. So I can relate somewhat to the dating site scenario.

I dated a guy for six months, he never left the site we met on and although told me I was 'amazing' and 'so glad I had exploded in his life' he checked in every few weeks to message and flirt on-line. This happens and it is part and parcel of on-line dating IMHO. I sneakily used to check up on his profile (and I'm glad I did!!) because I had hidden my profile and not signed on after we met, because I thought that is what happy, in love people did, just like in real life, you would not go down the pub on the pull!.... Anyway I was wrong, the scene is different on-line...

Concentrate on you and your boy, as you said you are volunteering, well done you.

Jessiegirl

Thanks nesbit, yes I took down profiles, I wouldn't text men willy nilly for sake off once I started dating one person, I thought that was what was being in love was too.

Would you take him back? I'm wondering what to do if he contacts me again when the new girls don't bite or work. Ignore or be civil.

I have to forget him, it's hard to isn't.

LegacyUser

I know where you´re coming from, I´m in the same situation myself and 39 by the way, funny age. It hurts like hell when you´re not over someone and see him having fun, dating etc. Of course we all know break ups are for a reason and even with knowing the person didn´t do you any good, was not so into you, didn´t respect you, told you the "its me not you thing" and so on, it still hurts.

Me and my ex broke up 2 months ago and yes he can do whatever he wants, but the thought of him beeing with somebody else is driving me mad. My friend told me the other day I should meet somebody new to keep my mind busy, I´m not ready for that at all.

Keep concentrated on your little boy and voluntary work, this will keep you busy. Give yourself the time you need to get over it.

nesbitt

Jessiegirl, to answer your question as to what to do if he gets in touch again.

IGNORE him please.

I do not want to be harsh in any way. If you would take someone back after they have dumped you and done the rounds again to use you till someone better comes along IMHO is being a doormat.

mood

nesbitt wrote: »

Jessiegirl, to answer your question as to what to do if he gets in touch again.

IGNORE him please.

I do not want to be harsh in any way. If you would take someone back after they have dumped you and done the rounds again to use you till someone better comes along IMHO is being a doormat.

Totally agree. It just says 'feel free to treat me like ****e'.

extra-ordinary_

It may seem to you that your ex is out having a great time but this is just in your imagination. Reality is normally quite different. Never mind what he's doing, you need to think about you and your son, and look after yourself. Your wounded, so be gentle with yourself as you would with anyone that's wounded. Show yourself some love and compassion. Stop thinking about him - he doesn't deserve it, you do.

Jessiegirl

Thanks everyone. Guess I have to accept he treated me badly. He made out I wanted it more than him - but he didn't have to participate, that's a cop out. I'm going to get my hair cut shortly and do things to perk me up and get on with life. Little things. Time passes and we try to forget.