What to Do......

Unreg76

I started seeing a girl about 10 months ago, at the time We decided not to get into a relationship as both of us had just come out of serious relationship's ourselves and we didn't want to jump straight back into another. This along with the fact that i planned to go traveling this year meant there was propably no point. After a while we decided to be exclusive but wouldn't put the "relationship" title on what we had, i guess we were trying to keep it light etc.

Anyway i think i must have started to feel a bit more about this girl as time went by and i guess i have been thinking about postponing my traveling (she could'nt come as she's in college at the mo). So we had a sit down and i told her my feelings for her had grown very strong for her over the last while etc and i just wanted to know where she was at. She told me that she was "crazy" about me and loved spending time with me etc but could'nt get too deeply involved with someone who was going traveling, whereby she would be left behind heart broken. She was always a big advicate of me going traveling as she had done so herself and alot of our conversations at the start were based around experencing traveling etc and she would not hear of me postponing it for her. She basically said that she always saw us as having an end point and therefore always held back abit. Me on the other hand threw everything i had in i guess.
Anyway that was fine i guess, so we were going to keep going as we were, and when i got back from traveling we would see what happens.

Ok then, I was happy i guess that i knew where i stood with her. I got a phone call last week from her to call over that she wanted to talk to me. She told me that she was pregnant. She said it couldn't be anymore than 2 weeks, and that she did not want to keep it. She told me that her reasons for not wanting, were that she was not ready in her life for children, was not ready to give up her social life etc, did not want this kind of responsibility, didn't want to risk the chance of been a single mother and that she wasn't in a serious relationship with anyone (i.e. not in love i guess). For me i guess, im not ready for children either but then again who is. I feel the same about most of her reasons but deep down i don't think think they're good enough reasons not too have this child. Before this i was ready for a relationship with her, so im definitely not there with her on that one. We are both in our late 20's, i have a good job so does she, we have good family bases and a wide group of friends etc.

We talked about it and the sense i got from her was that she is going to do this with or with out me. I've been very emotional about it and my thoughts have been all over the place. I haven't told her exactly how i feel yet but will try do it. I guess im just scarred of rejection, Im basically going to lay everything i am and everything i ever will be out for her and this child for her to say "no".

I might love her i dont know, I just cant go along with her on this, when i hope for a future for us. If she doesn't keep this child, i cant see a future for us (not sure if she care's).

Overheal

Has she gotten any professional counsel?

Check out http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

One thing she can do for instance, is carry the child to term and then adopt it. There is a waiting list of sorts for newborn adoptions, the child would by all likelihood go to a good loving home.

As for your relationship I dont know what to tell you. I think having the baby yourselves wouldnt necessarily be the best option, but then neither should that necessarily be a deal breaker on your relationship.

I dont think youll find too many people on boards though that are Truly qualified on this issue though. I do strongly suggest you both visit positiveoptions and visit at least one counseling session that can help each of you get your thoughts in order.

Unreg76

Overheal wrote: »

Has she gotten any professional counsel?

Check out http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

One thing she can do for instance, is carry the child to term and then adopt it. There is a waiting list of sorts for newborn adoptions, the child would by all likelihood go to a good loving home.

As for your relationship I dont know what to tell you. I think having the baby yourselves wouldnt necessarily be the best option, but then neither should that necessarily be a deal breaker on your relationship.

I dont think youll find too many people on boards though that are Truly qualified on this issue though. I do strongly suggest you both visit positiveoptions and visit at least one counseling session that can help each of you get your thoughts in order.

Thanks,
Unfortunately i don’t think counselling is an option, not together anyway. She has one thing on her mind, and is pretty head strong about it(stronger than me anyway). As regards carrying the child to term, i don’t think its an option either as already (since finding out she is pregnant) she has set wheels in motion not to be here for the summer.

I don't know i think there is so much she wants to do (career, travel etc) before having children that she won't let anything get in her way. We were great before this and now with this she has put up a wall and seems to have totally detached any emotion or feeling she may (or i think she should) have away from it.

mtwtfss

I really feel for you OP.

Have you sat down with her, told her how you feel, that you are willing to give everything to her and most importantly the child? Maybe she feels like she will have to do this alone, but if she know she will have you by her side - regardless of whether you have a romantic relationship maybe she will rethink he decision.

Unreg76

mtwtfss wrote: »

I really feel for you OP.

Have you sat down with her, told her how you feel, that you are willing to give everything to her and most importantly the child? Maybe she feels like she will have to do this alone, but if she know she will have you by her side - regardless of whether you have a romantic relationship maybe she will rethink he decision.

I haven't spoke to her in person, but will do over the next day or so. At this stage i think i just need to make sure that when i look back i acted accordingly etc, for my own peace of mind. I just to let her know that in the "unlikely" event of her deciding to keep the child, that i am behind her 100%.