Do I tell him I am moving out?

LegacyUser

I recently broke up (last Saturday) with my ex and was living in his house. he finished it and told me there was no point rushing to find some place. I tried to see if we could solve the problem and he said no so I moved home and have not been in touch since. I do want him back....

He is away this weekend and I want to collect my stuff. I am hurt but chat on sat night was not acrimonious so I dont want to be rude either. Do I let him know in advance I am taking my stuff. he wont be there so it wont be like I wil be landing in on him. I dont want to call him cos it would upset me too much to talk to him and same with text. He has an iphone so was going to mail him the morning I am getting my stuff to let him know (he has a family do the day before so dont want to ruin that). this is not to generate a reaction from him, its just to be polite as we have some assets in common that need to be sorted...

The Nice Jumper

woeisme wrote: »

I recently broke up (last Saturday) with my ex and was living in his house. he finished it and told me there was no point rushing to find some place. I tried to see if we could solve the problem and he said no so I moved home and have not been in touch since. I do want him back....

He is away this weekend and I want to collect my stuff. I am hurt but chat on sat night was not acrimonious so I dont want to be rude either. Do I let him know in advance I am taking my stuff. he wont be there so it wont be like I wil be landing in on him. I dont want to call him cos it would upset me too much to talk to him and same with text. He has an iphone so was going to mail him the morning I am getting my stuff to let him know (he has a family do the day before so dont want to ruin that). this is not to generate a reaction from him, its just to be polite as we have some assets in common that need to be sorted...

Woe is you indeed. You need to get in there this weekend and collect your stuff. I'm sure a note will suffice. Break free sister! No point in calling/e-mail/text. Get your boots on and get out and dance to some synth pop. :pac:

LegacyUser

Send a text, its the decent thing to do. To not send a text would also make you look like a bit of a drama queen or that you want attention or that you are trying to get some kind of reaction out of him, which I'm sure is not the effect you want.

Firetrap

Sending a text would be the courteous thing to do. Then get your ass over there and get all your stuff out of there as soon as you can. Things might be amicable now but you never know when they might turn nasty.

LegacyUser

My head is in such a mess I cant think straight. I am still very much in love with him and dont want to leave but wont be kept holding for another 2 years while he figures what he wants...

He has a family do tonight so should I just text him in the morning and let him know I am moving my stuff tomorrw afternoon? sorry for the silly questions but I dont know which end of me is up? How do I phrase it? I dont want to fully burn bridges here as I would love a reconciliation.

LegacyUser

Sorry I was the Op who wrote this but used a different username....

"My head is in such a mess I cant think straight. I am still very much in love with him and dont want to leave but wont be kept holding for another 2 years while he figures what he wants...

He has a family do tonight so should I just text him in the morning and let him know I am moving my stuff tomorrw afternoon? sorry for the silly questions but I dont know which end of me is up? How do I phrase it? I dont want to fully burn bridges here as I would love a reconciliation. "

OS119

best thing would be to make it as casual and practical as possible - and avoid anything with any emotional content to ensure that you stay on good terms.

something like (a text) 'Hi X, i'm gonna sort my stuff out this weekend for the new place (though i've no idea if you're moving to a new flat or to your mums sofa), can we sort out the joint stuff mid-week? cheers.'

don't use the words 'moving out', 'my things' or anything that has connotations of the end of the relationship. your ex obviously has a very 'low key' way of handling the break-up and if you wish to stay in his good books you're going to have to go along with that.

quick, freindly, neutral, purposeful and constructive. it'll probably hurt like hell but a) it's impossible to refuse - it ensures you'll not find your stuff in black bags, b) it leaves doors open, and c) it'll indicate that you're on his wavelength - if you want back to together this is a good thing...

however, on the relationship front: if he's this calm and (apparently) chilled-out about the end of the relationship and you staying there while you sort-out somewhere else, it seems to me pretty unlikely that either he'll change his mind or that he'll be overly fussed about staying in contact. sorry...

LegacyUser

Well today is moving day and I am devastated. Have a couple of friends coming to help but just cannot believe it has come to this. Last Friday he was declaring his live for me, earlier that week he was away with work and got delayed and said he was pacing the room til he got back to me as he loved me so so much.

If you have time today please wish me some strength as I will need all the help I can get.