Ex texting me again! Why do people do it??

LegacyUser

After a bad enough breakup, my ex texts me after not talking for three months. She is all nice, and she calls me too. I try to be nice and am civil to her.
Then she asks me (via text) whether I have been with anyone since. I haven't and told her. She claims she hasn't either.
The other night I ask her why she asked me, and she respond 'just curious'. She is also curt with me.

This leads me to feel like crap. I am all for being civil with her, but not when she is curt. I fear she has halted the 'getting over her' process.

Why do people do it??

mobilecore

Simple fact is mate its usually one of two reasons:

she still loves you. always had. (doubt its this. it has been 3 months without no contact)

or

its the fact that the single life isnt as good as she hoped. now she wants back in. or perhaps another guy she was with has given her the elbow. you could be her saftey net.

if you describe why you broke up with her it'd be better to know what shes doing. if she broke up with you then its definitely option 2. if you broke up with her it could be option 1. Note i say "could" - 3 months no contact is alot tho.

you're better of saying why you broke up. then all will be revealed.

cafecolour

I think people (frequently wrongly) decide they've invested so much time in said person that they want some sort of relationship. Also, if one person did the breaking up, they often feel less hurt and don't quite understand the other's POV.

Simply tell her "Look, I'm not over the break up and need more time before we can be in communication. Please stop contacting me now." You don't necessarily need to say that 'more time' is perhaps never.

If she persists, call your phone company and block her number.

Sephiroth_dude

If you dont want to talk to her then I would advise you to ignore ignore and ignore anymore attempts she makes to contact you.

extra-ordinary_

whydoit wrote: »

Why do people do it??

Selfishness and disregard for the other person, I'd say.

Sanjuro

whydoit wrote: »

After a bad enough breakup, my ex texts me after not talking for three months. She is all nice, and she calls me too. I try to be nice and am civil to her.
Then she asks me (via text) whether I have been with anyone since. I haven't and told her. She claims she hasn't either.
The other night I ask her why she asked me, and she respond 'just curious'. She is also curt with me.

This leads me to feel like crap. I am all for being civil with her, but not when she is curt. I fear she has halted the 'getting over her' process.

Why do people do it??

Well, to be honest mate, you're encouraging it by replying. I had an ex text me, constantly, for months after we broke up. I stopped replying. Five months later (yeah, it took that long), she finally gave up texting. If you keep replying, it'll keep happening. Stop. It's as simple as that.

kenbrady

whydoit wrote: »

Why do people do it??

It's an ego boost to know they still have a hold over you. Pure selfishness, absolutely no regard for you.

Jessiegirl

Yes am very interested in this too. My ex broke with me 3 weeks tomorrow, no contact (bar me txting him to comfirm as he did it over phone) and only then when I sent his key back I got some texts about sometihng trivial. Had to see him Sunday, came for stuff, and that was tough but out of way at least.
So that was that I though until Monday night he texted about something trivial.

Why I ask too. My main question would be though what to do when they contact you as it may happen again. I don't like playing games so would be civil and reply. Does it depend on the content? Most people say ignore, especially if you want any chance of him coming back. What do you do??

I think the dumper is hurting far less than the dumpee so doesn't even realise how much pain can be caused by random texts, especially so soon after break up anyway.

LegacyUser

OP here,

She broke up with me. She also wanted to meet up for 'some fun' during the week. I politely declined. I have been civil to her, and somewhat innocent, considering the selfishness that has occured. It seems like she is looking out only for herself.
I was trying to take the 'moral high ground' and be civil should she ever contact me. But I think now, that it is the wrong thing to do. She must have no consideration for me.

Why would she text me...I suppose for 'some fun' (was I that good?) , but honestly, its extremely annoying, and seems to be a common occurance these days with different people.

And why would she wanna know if I was with anyone?

sigh...thanks folks

nesbitt

I have experienced the ex who texts every 2/3 weeks or so...

This ex also tried the lets be friends routine... then a kind of friends with benefits routine and oh the last one was the wait to hear from me, we are not really over, routine...:o:rolleyes:

I did try briefly the friends thing but quickly realised that I was going to get really far more hurt with this and stopped. I never went for the friends with benefits (lets have some fun!) and I just finally said that I had met someone new and was getting on with my life when I got the wait to hear from me routine in the last few texts received before Christmas. I have not met someone new but figured it was the best way to stop the texts and it worked a treat.. I was nice about it and ended it all in such a way that if I bumped into the person tomorrow I could say hi and be grand (outwardly anyway).

My 2 cents, if you get another text, say your grand and that you have met someone new... try a little white lie

Lucyx

OP its total selfishness on your ex's part. Maybe she does still have feelings for you (and perhaps thats why she asked if you're seeing someone) but its obviously not enough to start properly seeing you again and be with you.

I'd say when she does text you again you should tell her to not contact you anymore as theres no point to it and hopefully she'll go away.

Don't waste your time wrecking your head over her. I'd say the fun thing is sex but you don't want to go down that road and undo the 3 months of no contact. That'll totally do your head in. Think of how you are now (annoyed and upset) but multiply by a million !!!

LegacyUser

Should I just ask her why the hell she is contacting me?

mobilecore

my friend she is using you and doesnt care.
cut all contact.

this person is a text book example of just thinking of only herself.
Cut contact.

What do you have to gain?
Nothing. Trust me if you be nice and civil or let anything else happen you will just regret it asking yourself "why was i even nice to her?!"

Lucyx

whydoit wrote: »

Should I just ask her why the hell she is contacting me?

Do you really think she'd give you an honest or satisfactory answer?
I really don't think so and it'll just lead to more things going around your head about her and you want to reduce that.

It doesn't matter what her response would be. You look after yourself and do yourself a big favour by backing off from her. It seems you have feelings for her so it'll be hard, but its for the best long term. If you don't you'll be back here in a couple of months really screwed up and it'll seem like you only broke up a few days ago.

Sephiroth_dude

whydoit wrote: »

Should I just ask her why the hell she is contacting me?

Nah dont bother,Ignore her and she'll eventually get the hint hopefully.

LegacyUser

Has anyone here ever contacted an ex? And for what reason? I think mine is being a selfish so and so, but part of me wishes she still has feelings for me

psychozeb

broke up with my ex before christmas of 4 1/2 years.then after christmas she started ringing and texting and i'm still in the trap.she keeps saying she wants to be friends and i keep asking her where does she see this is going,it's only going to be leading to more hurt if one of us meets someone else.i've tried the civil route but now it's approaching the nasty approach time.don't want to go this route but feeling i won't properly move on until we cease contact.all i have to say to original poster is make your mind up.you broke up for a reason and if you're going to move on break all contact.i know thats what i'll be doing

LegacyUser

I feel your pain. I was just about over her, and then she contacts me out of the blue and is nice. I turn her down for a 'rendez-vous' (at hers, by the way, God forbid she should make any effort). Suddenly she is so short and curt with me, its unreal. A total 180.

I really just want to know WHY? why why why? Does she not have any regard to my feelings? Am I a bunny boiler / over-analytical sap for reading too much into it?

Any opinions/experiences welcome..

LegacyUser

whydoit wrote: »

I feel your pain. I was just about over her, and then she contacts me out of the blue and is nice. I turn her down for a 'rendez-vous' (at hers, by the way, God forbid she should make any effort). Suddenly she is so short and curt with me, its unreal. A total 180.

I really just want to know WHY? why why why? Does she not have any regard to my feelings? Am I a bunny boiler / over-analytical sap for reading too much into it?

Any opinions/experiences welcome..

Heya a girly here with a similar prob to you OP. I get why you feel like you need to be given an answer but to be honest (like others have said) what will that do for you. It sounds like you long for her to say I want you back but all it seems like to me is she's toying with your emotions and playing childish mind games. I too told my ex not to contact me because this "friendship" was just keeping my hopes up.
My advice...stop all contact and tell her the truth about why you are doing that e.g. She's not respecting your wishing and that you don't appreciate the head ****ery for her own selfish needs, I actually told my ex this as harsh as it sounds...but you know what...look after number 1 As for the 180 thing, she did that because she thought you'd jump at the chance of being with her - she thought she still had power over you by tempting you with sex. You said no, which hurt her feelings, hence the flip and being curt with you.
I wouldn't worry about the analysing, sometimes its needed.
Good Luck with your decision and reading through the other threads, there's some sound advice coming your way

Fentdog84

whydoit wrote: »

I feel your pain. I was just about over her, and then she contacts me out of the blue and is nice. I turn her down for a 'rendez-vous' (at hers, by the way, God forbid she should make any effort). Suddenly she is so short and curt with me, its unreal. A total 180.

I really just want to know WHY? why why why? Does she not have any regard to my feelings? Am I a bunny boiler / over-analytical sap for reading too much into it?

Any opinions/experiences welcome..

There could be lots of reasons..Maybe she feels guilty for hurting your feelings. Did you take it bad when she broke up with you? Maybe she feels she made a mistake and genuinely wants to get back with you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Ask her why she's doing it and what her true intentions are. But if you dont get a clear answer and she is only messing you about, dont waste any more time on her.

thecookingapple

she contacts you wanting information, then is curt and confusing, SHE contacted you!!!!!!


Just tell her that there is no point staying in contact and that you have moved on.

You will get your answer one way or the other.

Good luck

Juicyfruit

whydoit wrote: »

Has anyone here ever contacted an ex? And for what reason? I think mine is being a selfish so and so, but part of me wishes she still has feelings for me

Hi OP,

I contacted my ex who I had been with for 3 years 2 months after we broke up. I contacted him because I still loved him and missed him and wanted us to try and work things out, Which we did end up doing and are now back together and stronger than ever, I won't go into the ins and outs of the break up but basically it was for the best for both of us at the time. I was never anything but clear about my intentions when I initially contacted him though, so that could be the difference.

This isn't to say that's why she's making contact with you, could be a number of reason, she's lonely, she misses the familiarity of having you around, she realises she made a mistake, she feels bad about what happened is is trying to make herself feel better, etc.

The fact that she's asked you have you been with anyone would suggest to me that she is looking to see what you've been getting up to and is probably a bit confused as to why you haven't tried contacting her since the break up. since it was her that finished it, this isn't to say you should have. It's more of an ego thing on her part.

Also, the fact she's looking for "some fun" would also suggest to me that perhaps she's looking for just that, hasn't got any in a while and since you two have a history together it's easy for her to look to you for some action.

I dunno OP, it's up to you. But I'd be very careful if I was you, you say you hope she still has feelings for you but what if she doesn't. You'll get your hopes up and be knocked back twice as hard if that's not the case.

Just be careful, for your own sake.

LegacyUser

Do you hate yourself op? Why are you being a masochist?
Your ex has obviously no respect for you & it sounds like you want to get back with her
a simple fxxx off by txt is all it takes, why won't you do it?

Moomoo1

whydoit wrote: »

I feel your pain. I was just about over her, and then she contacts me out of the blue and is nice. I turn her down for a 'rendez-vous' (at hers, by the way, God forbid she should make any effort). Suddenly she is so short and curt with me, its unreal. A total 180.

I really just want to know WHY? why why why? Does she not have any regard to my feelings? Am I a bunny boiler / over-analytical sap for reading too much into it?

Any opinions/experiences welcome..

maybe she does not realise that this (her contacting you) is hurtful to you?

so maybe just tell her that you were very hurt by the breakup and a partial friends/friends with benefits relationship is not what you are looking for at the moment?

kylith

whydoit wrote: »

I really just want to know WHY? why why why? Does she not have any regard to my feelings? Am I a bunny boiler / over-analytical sap for reading too much into it?

Any opinions/experiences welcome..

Why? There are several reasons: 1) She can't get anyone else, so she's looking to use you as a fall back. 2) Ego trip. She's getting a kick out of winding you up and getting in your head. 3) She has some misguided 'let's be friends' idea and doesn't realise that it's upsetting you.

Next time you talk to her tell her that you would prefer that she didn't contact you in the future. If she does contact you don't answer the phone and don't reply to texts and emails. Just ignore her and eventually she'll go away.

Ickle Magoo

This thread is over a year old, could anyone requiring advice on a similar issue please start their own thread rather than ressurecting other peoples.

Many thanks.