My father is an alcoholic

thorninmyside

My father is an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. He has been to rehab and attended an aftercare program which lasted for 2 years. He stayed off the drink but over the last 3 years he has gone back on it once a year. When he goes back on it he does so with a vengeance! He drinks solidly for a number of weeks until he gets so ill, he has no option but to stop. At the moment he is worse than he has ever been and not only that its my mother that is suffering. He's abusive and says the most hurtful things. His drinking has torn the family completely apart! He has called us everyname you can imagine and it really hurts. I think he sits there full up with drink and thinks of ways to hurt us by saying such things. He is a very angry bitter man. Was never one to discuss problem or anything just drank to solve them. He would never talk to my mother and he just treats her like dirt. She would never leave because she is of that era whereby she would be worried what people would think. My mother is wonderful and has put up with so much abuse from him, she's a saint but I'm worried about her. She's afraid to leave him because she's afraid of him and also afraid of what might happen to him!!!He's spending so much money/losing so much money, was drinking and driving for a while until he lost the car keys (thank God!!) I don;t know what to do. He's drunk morning noon and night. He has a stash hidden around the house and in the garden shed to keep himself topped up. I'm at the stage now where I hate him and am only worried about my mother! What can I do? Can we get him signed in somewhere? Does he have to consent to it? I even thought about reporting him to the gardai but would be worried he would think it was my mom!! Can anyone advise me? I'm at my wits end.

cyning

This is one of the hardest situations: find an Al Anon group: it helps to have people you can talk to who are in the same boat. It might really help your Mum to go to AlAnon aswell. My Dad's an alcoholic aswell (and he has stopped drinking now) I would never have got through it without the support of people who were in the same situation.

It may sound horrible but there is nothing you can do to stop your dad from drinking unless he wants to stop himself. I don't know about getting him signed in somewhere but I hope it all goes okay for you

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm in the same boat as yourself. Thankfully I no longer live under the same roof as my father and have my own family and kids and we have a happy functional life.

You ask what to do?

This is what you do.

Nothing at all.

It's his problem, no matter how much he tries to make it yours. I've come across the phrase: "detachment with love". It's the only way for the children or spouses of alcoholics to survive.

Your job is to look after yourself and learn how to cope with the situation. Al-anon or Al-ateen (http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/alanon.htm) can help. It's good to talk things through and understand that you're not alone. It's also important to understand how it affects you and your relationships with others.

I would also encourage you to move out of the house as soon as you can.

Another aspect of this is that you will grieve for your mother. You will want her to leave him and she won't. This too, is not your problem. She's a grown woman and has taken this upon herself. You haven't and have no duty to.

I am a parent. I wouldn't for a second expect my children to grow up thinking they owe me something. My job is to raise happy independent children that can thrive in the world without me. Alcoholics, on the other hand, can think that the world, their spouse and their children owe them something, but they don't.

Hope that helps, somehow.

pretty-in-pink

Go to al-anon, and talk to people who have been in the same boat.

Both my folks are alcoholics- neither of them drink anymore. Never saw my dad drink,my mum......well different story

You would be best served getting out of the house & to your own place if you can. If you are very young,then al-ateen may be the place for you. These groups provide emotionalsupport and understanding from other people walking in your shoes.

As forgetting your dad signed in somewhere- unless he poses an iminent threat to you guys (physical), then no I'm afraid you can't get him signed away.
He won't stop the destructive path he is on until he wants to. nothing you can do will change that. Alcoholism is a disease.

Its a very hard place you are now OP, but you can get through it.