Emasculated after meeting gf's ex

LegacyUser

Ill start by saying I generally stay away from talking with partners abouts ex's, I just don't see what good comes from it. All I knew about my gf's ex up untill last week was that she was in love with him and he broke it off. It broke her heart, then 2 months later we met and now were together about 9months.

So myself and the gf went to her home town for her friends birthday. Her ex was there, a friend of hers pointed him out to me. I was fairly shocked when I seen the imposing figure that he was, I'd say 6'3 - 6'4 and very well built. I'm 5'11-6' at a stretch and wud have liked to think 'big enuf', I felt like a weasel beside this guy. Later i find out he's a amateur boxer and seems an acomplished enough one at that based on overhearing a convo about the titles he's won over d past few years.
It only got worse when I got talking to the him at the bar later on that night, he seemed like a genuinly nice guy, knew who i was and wished me the best of luck with the gf. I left the convo with the sick feeling that he's a sound honest lad.

And now start my insecurities, physically I can't match this guy, I could spend 2 years in the gym and I'd still be behind. I consider myself sound but from what I gather so is he, our sporting accomplishments don't really match up ( unless u count me winning a pro evo tourney), both of us wud be considered good looking guys I'd think.

I just can't see how my gf could be fully satisfied with me, in comparison to him I'm in the shadow.

I don't want to bring it up with her because I just don't see the good that would come of it. How do I get over this horrible feeling of emasculation and being 2nd best?*

Victor

You are forgetting one thing. She is with you, not him. There is no fight.

Monkey61

Come on OP, get over the massive insecurities here.

You don't think you will ever be good enough for your girlfriend because you are 3 or 4 inches shorter than her ex-boyfriend and he is an amateur boxer?

Seriously do you think that your girlfriend is a vapid, brainless idiot? That is what it sounds like if you think that something so silly would make such a fundamental difference to her...

sunnyside

Insecurenow wrote: »

I consider myself sound but from what I gather so is he,

So you'd feel much better if he was an absolute wierdo? The fact that her ex is a nice guy reflects well on her. She obviously has good taste in men and now she has chosen you.

Wagon

She prefers you i reckon Im guessing that because she's going out with you. Just because he was the one that broke it off doesn't mean she would prefer him.

Sanjuro

Dude, I've been where you are. I went out with a girl who had more than one ex who, at the time, I considdered 'better' people than me. One guy rode a motorcycle and was cool as f***. Another guy was a barman who seemed to be a real lady's man. Another was this, another was that, blah blah blah blah blah.

But the fact of the matter is, none of them mattered. Because she was with me for who I was and to her, I was better than all the rest of them. And that completely changed my view of the situation. If you continue thinking like this, you're going to come across so many guys you consider better than you that it will drive you insane, destroy your self-confidence, and eventually kill your relationship. It doesn't matter if your ex is Brad Pitt or whatever. She's with you for you. Obviously you've a lot going for you or else she wouldn't be. Lose the insecurities. You'll feel a whole lot better in your relationship.

PS: if your girlfriend's ex was a complete scumbag knacker, would that make you feel better about yourself? It sure wouldn't say very much about your girlfriend's taste in men now, would it?!

krudler

So her ex is a decent enough guy who has a pastime and looks after himself? whats wrong with that? what would you prefer, if he was a scumbag who was giving her hassle? she's with you not him, dont worry about her past concentrate on making her appreciate you, not what she did have, do you think she wants a boyfriend who thinks more about her ex than her?

helimachoptor

Op, he left her for whatever reason so I wouldnt be worrying too much.

Have only met one of my Gfs ex's and we got on pretty well I have to say.

Lucyx

Honestly op don't worry about this. He'll always be the guy that broke her heart and that'll never leave her so i wouldn't say she has positive associations with this guy. Whereas she only has positive associations with you so don't let that change by behaving foolishly over her ex.

kenbrady

Don't worry about it.

The key to being successful with woman, is to realise they don't sleep with the man standing in front of them. They sleep with the man in their head that represents the man standing in front of them.

This applies the reverse in this case. The guy you see tall, fit boxer, sound. Could be completely different to the guy she sees in her head.

The biggest strongest man can act like a child, especially over woman and that is then how the woman view them as a child.

I've taken woman off guys who look better than me on paper and I have also lost woman to guys who look worse than me on paper.

And this is all before you bring love into the equation, men and woman can fall madly in love with the most unlikely person. Then, there is nothing you can do to break that bond.

davyjose

Seeing as Brad Pitt was mentioned - he's about 5'11" or so. Do you think he'd feel emasculated. Get real OP. Suire, some girls like tall men, but you're hardly a midget now are you.
Don't compare yourself to this guy, compare yourself to the standards you set for yourself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you had a handgun, you'd win in a fight. Now I'm not suggesting anything drastic, but your handgun could be your sense of humour, your manner, your honesty etc...

There's probably something about you that guy is envious over. No ones great at everything

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

AvaKinder

I think I should point out that maybe 90% of girls that I know don't give a crap how masculine their boyfriend is. In fact, very masculine guys can sometimes be off-putting, just as ultra-feminine guys are.

Also girls I've known don't tend to compare previous attributes of guys, more how the guy treated them. If you treat her well and get along together, you might find the very reasons she likes you have nothing to do with why she liked him.

cafecolour

I think you may be confusing what you admire more in a lad with what she might admire more in a lad

__plec__

I understand where you're coming from,but all you've done is look at his 'good' points and compared them to what you consider your not so good points,the only thing that can result from that is insecurity.Im sure you've lots of excellent things going for you,which if you compared to him would show up very well on your behalf.Its pointless thinking about what weaknesses we have,just focus on your positives,and soon you'll realise why your gf is with you,and from the sounds of it very happy with you.

Dont sell yourself short man