Proving i'm sorry

TheMilkyPirate

I thought threads in here were anonymous!? I suppose it doesn't matter.

Story is i did the worst thing i could do and cheated on my girlfriend some time ago (i didn't sleep with the other girl.). I'm not here to make excuses or anything because there isn't any i was completely at fault and knew full well what i was doing and regret every second of it. I couldn't bring myself to tell her at the time but it finally made it's way back to her today and i admitted it when she confronted me.

Thing is she's 9 months pregnant with our child (due next week. we didn't know she was pregnant when it happened) and if it wasn't for that she said she would have probably left me. So she's givin me a chance and told me to prove i'm sorry but i really have no idea what that means or how to go about it.

Does anyone here have any ideas?

kjl

so you kissed another girl?

She might take some time to forgive you, but you will be grand.

maybe you could install google latitude on your phone, this way she can track where you are at all times, might help her to trust you again.

TheMilkyPirate

kjl wrote: »

so you kissed another girl?

She might take some time to forgive you, but you will be grand.

maybe you could install google latitude on your phone, this way she can track where you are at all times, might help her to trust you again.

Yes,

And that seems a bit extreme no..?

Acoshla

As someone who was cheated on and had my boyfriend promise he was sorry and then not back that up in his behaviour at all, I would say that all you can do is prove you are there for her and that you are happy with her, if she asks you to do anything do it, if she asks you to go anywhere with her go, for the next while she has to see that you are trustworthy and reliable, especially with the baby coming. The next few months should be the perfect opportunity for you to prove that you love her and want to be with her and the baby and do your best by them.

My ex said he would do all of this (minus the baby bits), and within weeks was back to staying out until all hours and generally disrespecting me and our relationship, not a good approach for regaining my trust. She just has to know that you regret it and that she can trust that you know it was wrong, just be there for her OP, and if you're genuine about it all I'm sure she'll see that.

And to anyone that might say that you didn't sleep with someone else so it's not too bad 1. Different people have different ideas of what cheating is and what they can forgive and 2. She's 9 months pregnant, everything will be more stressful and serious for her.

Best of Luck.

Anna Molly

Just keep going the way you are.
Be a great dad and a support to her.
What else can ya do really?

Hormones, eh?:p ha sorry, just had to throw that in there

LegacyUser

It might seem extreme to you OP but she obviously feels hurt by what happened.

Personally, I think the tracker idea is not too bad. It wouldn't be what I'd want though.

She feels like she can't trust you (I wouldn't trust my boyf either if he did it to me.). She wants you to prove you won't do it again.

Maybe when the baby arrives you can cut down your nights out to one a month? One a fortnight? Or when you do go out, take her with you?

She is scared about the new baby arriving and she's probably terrified that you want to find somebody else and leave her. It is only right that you reassure her whether that's by sending a truckload of woo her way or by installing the Google tracker thingy.

I hope you figure something out OP.

jenga-jen

She's probably more annoyed at the lie than the kiss (if it was just a kiss, assuming here from your op)

Have you asked her what it would take for her to trust you again? That might be a good place to start.

Other than that, you can promise, and follow through on, never putting yourself in the situ that led to the cheating in the first place and do your best to show her how much she means to you.

If, however, this is something that might repeat itself due to the fact that there are underlying issues in your relationship then maybe you need to do a bit of soul searching and decide what the best way forward for the (soon to be) 3 of you?

TheMilkyPirate

Unregified wrote: »

Maybe when the baby arrives you can cut down your nights out to one a month? One a fortnight? Or when you do go out, take her with you?

I only go out maybe once a month now since the baby was on its way and always ask her to come out with me so that will be no problem.

jenga-jen wrote: »

She's probably more annoyed at the lie than the kiss (if it was just a kiss, assuming here from your op)

Have you asked her what it would take for her to trust you again? That might be a good place to start.

Other than that, you can promise, and follow through on, never putting yourself in the situ that led to the cheating in the first place and do your best to show her how much she means to you.

If, however, this is something that might repeat itself due to the fact that there are underlying issues in your relationship then maybe you need to do a bit of soul searching and decide what the best way forward for the (soon to be) 3 of you?

Yeah i think it's me hiding it that's annoyed her the most. there's no underlying issues and it won't happen again i know that. I suppose all i can do is just be there for her and do whatever she asks from now on. Thanks for the advice everyone

kjl

baraca wrote: »

Yes,

And that seems a bit extreme no..?

not really, i have it installed anyway, you will never notice it anyway. I think that if she knew you could see where you were anytime she wanted then she would be able to trust you again.

jenga-jen

One thing I will say baraca, definitely do what your partner asks of you right now. Show her you're committed to regaining her trust.

BUT

Make sure there's a point at which you can both look at the situation and agree that you've done this.

If you both do this then you'll get to finally put it behind you when you're both happy. You defo don't want a situation where you're perpetually trying to prove yourself (say for 40+ years), you don't wanna foster that kind of resentment towards your OH!

Be the best partner and dad you can be and if you do it right then it should hopefully be more than enough for your partner.

Best wishes with the new addition

sam34

Spadina wrote: »

if she asks you to do anything do it, if she asks you to go anywhere with her go,

:eek::eek: what?

ok, the lad made a mistake. but that doesnt mean she can turn him into her lapdog because of it.

Acoshla

sam34 wrote: »

:eek::eek: what?

ok, the lad made a mistake. but that doesnt mean she can turn him into her lapdog because of it.

Fecks sake the woman is 9 months pregnant with his kid and just found out he kissed someone else and lied about it, the least he can do is do her a few favours and help her out for the next while. I don't mean do it forever but ya know, possibly while she's heavily pregnant and they have a newborn, it's not unreasonable.

sam34

he should be making allowances for her anyway, given that she's pregnant, irrespective of whether or not he cheated.

but i dont think anyone should be turned into a lapdog or puppet on a string... he's allowed object if he doesnt want to do something/go somewhere etc

that kind of behaviour could easily degenerate into endless guilt-tripping "you cheated on me and now you wont even do x/y/z to keep me happy" etc

if she has made teh decision to stay with him, she needs to move on and allow them both put it behind them, and not use it as an excuse to get her own way constantly

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

You asked how to prove you are sorry, its a pity you have to ask and you dont know yourself, maybe put yourself in her shoes and see how you would feel about being betrayed and lied to, she wants to see clear signs that you will act responsibly from now on she wants to know that the father of her baby can be a man and not continue to make mistakes, so step up and change your ways, realize that you have put her in a humiliating position by her having to hear the news of your cheating from someone else. A man would not ask the question how do i prove it to her, a man would realize that two people made a baby and two people are equally responsible for it, there should be no going out until your relationship is back o track feck anything else, get your priorities in check and try and grow up a bit.

Stella777

-be there to support her during the birth

-bring a small, romantic gift when she's in the hospital after the birth

-women often feel unattractive after having a baby. This combined with the fact she recently found out you kissed the other girl could leave her feeling very vulnerable. So make sure to pay her sincere compliments and find other ways to show her you still think she's attractive (but that doesn't mean pressuring her for sex 10 days after the birth!)

-some women have hormonal fluctuations after having a baby that can cause all sorts of moods. Expect that she's probably going to screaming at your about the kiss some time in the near future. If it wasn't about that, it would be about something else.