27 and feeling odd

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I've recently turned 27 and I'm fairly uncomfortable at turning closer to thirty. Call it a mid mid-life crisis.:) Like, before now, I was happy to be whatever age I was, but now, I just feel that I wasted a good deal of my life.

My question to you here is...what would you consider to be normal for a male in his twenties?

I don't really have friends. I have work colleagues, acquaintances from various clubs I have joined, things like that. I've only gone out to work related or club related people and this has been the case for many years, in different jobs. I used to be much worse in not going out at all during school and college, and actively avoiding people. Didn't do anything in college other than study and then it was to the library or downtown at lunch. I was very socially anxious, was scared of being found out. But I've improved alot since I was 21 and have learned to ask people things about themselves and try and get conversations going.

Maybe I'm bad at this, but I don't really make connections-connections as in friends/girlfriends etc. I try and be somewhat funny and do make people laugh, but it's a mask and I can only keep up the funny image for a while during lunchbreak/nights out. I'm not really like that. I have no "mates" as it were and this kind of bothers me now though before now it didn't. It used to bother my mother as well, but I've moved of home several years ago, so I'm able to tell her when she asks that "yes, all my friends are fine" since I want a quiet life. I used to think that people that you worked with and acquaintances were friends, but something I read on a forum before made sense,

"Is this person someone you would ring to give you a hand when moving house/phone for a chat/meet-up for a drink" and the answer is no. I don't have people like that, and I'm not sure that I'm able to get close to people. For one thing: what would we talk about? What is it "friends" do together?

I have taken up hobbies to try and break my routine, and have even gone to one or two boards.ie meet-ups. But even with that, I don't feel that connected to people even when they share interests with me.

Maybe I've a high drive or something but I think about sex alot. I can do without porn. for even before I watched it regularly, I had a high sex drive. But there is no other outlet for this. I've never even kissed a girl and I have no experience in that whole area. Chatting up/flirting and all that. And no, this PUA thing isn't for me. I've read things about these "techniques" that make me cringe. But even the whole thought of trying to chat-up some attractive girl in a normal way makes me cringe as well, so I don't know. I have thought about going to an escort within the last year or so. I don't know if I could go through with it. Paying for something that many balanced people enjoy with each other every day.

I kind of feel weird, as I am putting on an act, and that this would be evident to the girl after speaking to them. I've realised that its what's inside that counts, but I'm worried that there isn't a whole lot inside of me. No real strong opinions or qualities or beliefs. I've just studied and worked and messed about watching TV and read these past few years, and it feels such a waste. Whatever experiences I have had seem mundane and a waste. Nothing wild or idiotic that you get up to when you are young-even if I had done all that, it still would seem false and "not me" to me.


Sorry for the long post, it seems more of a blog than anything. It just feels I'm living a waste of life and feel kind of burnt out knowing that the next 50 odd years will be passed like this as well.