time to ditch friend?

LegacyUser

I entrusted a friend with a deep sark secret, it was kind of hard not to really as she was present when this event happened. I wont get into what I did here but I acted completely out of line and treated my bf very badly. There is obviously more to what happened but the bottom line is that we stayed together and i got help and am off the drink 9 weeks now with no intention of ever drinking again.

Anyway, I had asked her to never repeat what happened to anyone and i thought she was capable of doing this but I found out on Saturday that she opened her big mouth. This is the final nail in the coffin for me as she is the type who wont ever give you a compliment, I also ensured she was asked along and invited to things that my bf and i organised for everyone and generally made an effort to keep in touch and include her in things. she repaid this by ignoring my bf when she saw us in the gym together, she ignores girl friends i have who she has met on numerous occasions and knows who they are etc . the list goes on. What Im asking is this. We have a lot of mutual friends and its going to be so awkward socially........ for instance 5 of us meet up every 2nd week for dinner and im not sure I can do this anymore. I just do not want to be in her company anymore.

Liam Byrne

Firstly, you didn't "entrust" her with anything; if she was present then it wasn't much of a secret.

Secondly, while you and your boyfriend may have gotten over the issue, your level of anger towards your friend is a little extreme, and it seems like you're projecting your disgust at your original treatment of your boyfriend onto her.

I'd suggest talking to her about it. She was presumably stuck in the middle since the event (knowing something like that and not having a choice in whether she knew it) and you appear to have given her no credit whatsoever for keeping the "secret" for as long as she did.....from what you've told us, she could have decided that she didn't want to be in your company anymore because of the position you put her in ?

She didn't (presumably because she valued the friendship). But she made a mistake.....it happens; I'd remind you that so did you.

You're also painting a very bad picture of someone that you call a "friend"; why were you friends with her up to now, if she's that "type of person" ?

I'd suggest trying to calm down, realise all of the above, and then see if you can return the favour in terms of what you're prepared to do in order to keep the friendship.

Moomoo1

let me guess: you cheated and she knew it?

thefeatheredcat

You really need to talk to her... "secrets" are so hugely burdensome on people and if she was a witness to something between you and your bf, whatever happened may just have been too much for her to deal with on her own. When you're asking people to keep a secret you're asking that person to share a burden and some burdens are not to be dumped on people easily.

She may also have felt that she needed to get this out of her system as this could have been bothering her since the event or could have been really worried about you.

Talk to her about it. It may not have even been deliberate and may just have slipped out without intention.

btw there are plenty of people who have asked me to keep something secret for them, which I have done in good faith....only to find that the supposed secret they've tried to hide/ignore/be in denial about they've gone and blabbed to everyone they know themselves!