What does it all mean?

botbot

about six weeks ago my ex [broken up for nearly six months] got in contact to meet up, he apoligized for how he had dealt with things, and said he hoped that those sh.t months wouldn't overshadow all the other times... since then i hear from him sometimes once, sometimes three times a week, sometimes completely arbitrary things and sometimes inviting me along to things. [i don't want to get into the ins and out of it, but about half were things that could be seen as trying to be friends but the rest i can only see as excuses to be texting..]
for the first few weeks i, and the few people i told about what was going on, were convinced that he was trying to pave the way to getting back together, but nothing has happened.

i'm thinking of asking him to just leave me alone, but i'm still in love with him, and maybe he needs time to work things out, but at the same time i'm not really getting any better while this is going on... i want to do the right thing for me, but i just cant figure out what it is.

if he is thinking about trying to win be back i wish he'd just bite the bullet and do something about, and if he's not i wish he'd just f.ck off!

is there any way of figuring out what the hell is going on?

Kicks

He's probably at the stage of being on his own now for 6 months, hasn't met anyone who's taken his fancy or who hasn't recipricated his attempts and is now going back to someone who he thinks he can get his confidence back from.

Six weeks and no real attempt? Did you go to any of these things he has attempted to get you along to and he just sat back and didn't make any attempt?

Seems odd if he hasn't in those situations, maybe he lacks confidence to do it. I think it also depends on why you broke up in the first place, if it's a lack of trust then don't go there, my experience is that once that's gone it's not coming back no matter how much you want it to. If it was bad circumstances, careers for example, then maybe take a look at that but I have to say I think if you're trying to get on with your life and move on from it you do have to tell him to "f.ck off".

I've been through ex's contact similarily and their contact just ****s you around and won't let your head move on, they're getting their ****s and giggles off you responding but thats not helping you and you deserve to keep yourself safe and happy away from that crap. Hope whatever you choose he doesn't mess your head up too much - don't let him do that to you.

botbot

thanks

no i politely declined, except for meeting for tea once..

there was no trust issues, there wasn't anything wrong, well obviously there was, but nothing big, we were liveng in eachothers pockets and i think he got a bit freaked out, missed his independance and all that sh.t...

and i am trying to protect myself.. i'm just afraid that telling him to get lost will leave me feeling just as bad

MissHoneyBun

Er, ask him. Ask him straight forwardly and honestly why he decided to contact you again. I never understand why people feel the need to complicate things for themselves.

Kicks

MissHoneyBun wrote: »

Er, ask him. Ask him straight forwardly and honestly why he decided to contact you again. I never understand why people feel the need to complicate things for themselves.

I'd go with this advice. You need to know his intentions so you can move on or decide if you want anything to do with him again. By you knowing his intentions you can then make a more informed decision without thinking back about whether you made a mistake or not.

botbot

on paper that makes loads of sense, but maybe i'm just to proud..
if we ever were to get back together it would have to be coming from him or i'd be too unsure of where i stood
any ideas on a way of asking what he's up to without it looking like i'm still pining?

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Usually I would say, tell him to f*ck off. I have no time for people who break up and then use their ex as a crutch or ego boost. However, you say you love him and so maybe there is something there worth exploring. Ask him why he has gotten back in cotnact with you, if he tells you he'd love to try again then maybe give it a go. However, if it's all about him, i.e. I dont' know what I want, or some other pathetic **** I would tell him outright that being friends with exes doesn't work and that you would prefer no contact. You need to put yourself and your feelings first here sweetie.

best of luck.

Gyalist

I think that it's more a case of him trying to assuage his guilt at breaking up with you. It seems that he wants to be friends but that is impossible while you are still in love with him. You're going to find it extremely difficult to get over him while you still are in contact.

In your position I wouldn't ask him anything. He forfeited his right to be your friend when he broke up with you. Ask him not to contact you - if that's too difficult, just completely ignore him instead - that means no meet-ups or replies to his texts.

Don't wait for him to make up his mind as you could be waiting for a long time. If he has any real intentions of getting back with you he will make a clearer effort when he sees that you are moving on.

Novella

It's not gonna look like you're "pining" for him if you just say, "So why are you texting me all the time? I thought you wanted your independance so I'm a bit confused".
That's all it takes!

botbot

I agree with what ye're saying about just being upfront and asking put it's kinda hard to explain why i don't want to do that without going into every little thing thats happened since we broke up [we have a lot of mutual friends so i saw him a good few times the first rew weeks] small town...

gyalist.. i agree with you too, but because of the mutual friends thing again its hard to just ask him to leave me alone all together, because if i see him out or even bump into him on the street, having to ignore him or only say hello would leave me feeling worse than just pretending i'm fine.. but i ignore all the texts unless they're asking me something specific, any 'me and --- are going to --- for a pint, come along' type things don't get replies...
and he probably is just feeling guilty and trying to make an effort to be friends and i'm just reading in to it all because that's what i want to believe