Being ignored by partner

LegacyUser

Reg poster but going unreg for this.

I'll try and keep this as short as I can. My gf and I had a bit of a row yesterday on the phone. Without going into the detail I tried to call her tonight and she's ignoring me. After a few online messages she has told me that just cos I'm reddy to talk now she's not and that she might call me tomorrow. We live in different countries and have been together for almost 3 years.

The row was both our faults, me cos of tiredness and lack of attentivness and hers cos she was being selfish/self-centred. She is now cutting me out, partly cos that's what she does to people when she's annoyed and partly cos she knows it drives me nuts. Now I know I'm far from perfect but in truth I'm usually a pretty good, considerate and attentive partner. Is it unreasonable for her to cut me out altogether? Should I just back off and prepare for the call tomorrow? And if she rings tomorrow should I push some things under the carpet til we are back on even keel and then try and discuss it with her or should I lay out my stall, so to speak?

Thanks

jellyboy

Hi op

The old saying cant drag a horse to the well springs to mind...
maybe ur feeling the resduide of anger from yesterday....

Calm the mind?

good luck....

LegacyUser

Thanks jelly. Do you think tomorrow I should bring everything up or just get things sorted and then later go back and try and explain how being ignored made me feel. I love her very much and do believe we could have a great future together but I couldn't put up with being ignored whenever we fall out. It's one thing when we are together cos at least you can go to bed together agreeing to disagree but you can hold each other. It wrecks my head though when we are apart and there isn't even a text to say goodnight.

All advice appreciated, thanks in advance

krudler

Ha i get this too when i row with the missus, I hate being ignored for days when we argue, it drives me mental, i'd rather have it out after cooling down for a few hours, not ignoring each other for 2 days or so, it only adds fuel to the fire imo, i usually have gotten over the initial argument and it all gets dragged up again days after rather than just settling it there and then and moving on.

Tell her that ignoring you is fine for a few hours, everyone needs to cool down and compose and think about things after a fight, but doing that for days is a bit childish, especially if its a petty argument that snowballed

LegacyUser

Thanks krudler. God it drives me mental. About 20 mins ago I got a text from her saying she does love me and good night. It takes some of the pressure off but in some ways it makes it worse. I'm annoyed now cos she's know all day that we would sort this out.... which was more than I did.



Oh well until tomorrow. Thanks for your advice guys.

gagomes

Oh, I feel for you, I have been through this same situation. My ex and I, we lived the first 6 months of our relationship in different countries. We were every day on the phone over 6hours (sometimes well over 10).

This meant that, at some point, we started to have rows and she was always consistent with this. She would not talk to me until the next day. The reason she did this, was that she was able to calm down and avoid saying something during the heat that she could potentially later regret and after things are said and done, we all know that there's very little we can do.

In my opinion, it was one of the most painful things she could've done to me and even when we lived together and we had rows, she would not talk to me for 1 day too, it would usually get normal the next day and we would never talk about it. I can tell that this experience on the emotional side was so devastating to me, that if a girl does it again, I am simply not going to forgive her and make it clear that she's not gonna have more chances to repeat it. I favor calming down for a few hours and having a peaceful chat afterwards whilst trying to make an understanding of what the issue was (in case it wasn't made clear) and how we could potentially get over it/not repeat in the future. This is not always possible and might seem to optimistic, but I know a few friends who are doing this and are dealing with their rows like water of a duck's back shortly afterwards and enjoy the best in life - being with your OH.

LegacyUser

Cheers gagomes. We spoke on the phone on Sunday and managed to get everything resolved. The big thing hanging over our heads now is whether or not she's going to move to Ireland. Here's hoping....

Thanks again guys for your comments and advice.