Finding it hard to believe it's over

LegacyUser

Me and my boyfriend of 20months broke up on Sunday and I'm finding it really hard to believe that it's really over.

We almost broke up 2 months ago when after an argument about something stupid he told me that was unhappy with our relationship and wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. He thought we spent too much time together and he needed space to live his life. It was hard to argue with him about that but after we talked I convinced him that we should give it a try. That we'd had some amazing times and it would be a shame to give up without seeing if we could make it work with a few changes.

Then last Sunday I said that we'd given it enough time but I needed to know how he felt about me. He told me that after we'd made some changes he was really happy in the relationship now and didn't want to break up. I asked how he felt about and did he love me. He took ages to get a straight answer but eventually he said that he didn't think he did anymore. So I said that I deserve to find some one who does love me and we had to break up. He agreed that I do deserve that so he wouldn't agrue with me.

We then spent the rest of the day together, crying (both of us, he sobbed as much as I did), talking and holding eachother. When he eventually left he looked devastated as he closed the door.

We arranged to meet last Thursday. I wasn't really sure why but I think on Sunday we were both keen for it not to be the last time we saw eachother. It was good at first. Not too awkward. He told me he'd felt horrible, that he missed me so much and that I was looking gorgeous. Then we started to talk about what we were gonna do and if it was def over. I asked if he felt any different. He said he didn't know, sometimes it seemed it was for the best but other times he wanted us to get back together. After I said that I couldn't hang around waiting so he had to let me go if he wasn't sure. He said that we just didn't feel right.

We left it at that and said a very emotional goodbye.

I'm just having trouble accepting that it's really over. He was so upset. He says I'm like his best friend, that he is comfortable to be himself 100% around me, that he trusts me completely, that he still wants me and can barely keep his hands off me when we're alone, he thinks I'm so wonderful and amazing and gorgeous but that he just feels that we will break up eventually

We're only 23 and it was both of our 1st serious relationship. I can't help but think that that's having something to do with it. That the doubt is that he doesn't have experience of relationships and isn't sure if what he feels is right. I can't let go of the hope that after some time apart he'll realise how much he misses me and just how much he loves me really. We had a great relationship, had so much fun together, and never ran out of things to talk about.

I guess my question is does everybody think I'm a fool and need to move on or is there some hope that he'll come to senses soon?

sporina

hey there - the thing is that when a relationship ends your life changes - you have to allow this to happen. You should not be meeting up at this stage - you both need to move on. I am sorry to say this but maybe he does not love you - maybe he needs space - but ye have to take that space. Meeting up with only confuse things.

Fair play to you for having the self respect to want someone who loves you completely for who you are...

you are on the right road - meet up with your friends - do things you like to do for yourself - and allow eachother the space you need..

LegacyUser

We're not going to meet up anymore. He wants to but I told him it just wouldn;t be fair for me and it would make it much harder to move on.

It's very hard to text him but I know that the only way that there is any chance of getting back together is if I give him a proper chance to miss me and if it's never gonna happen then this is the only way to get over him.

dreamer_ire

If it's meant to be it will happen but for now try to move on, look forwards and not backwards. It's hard and it hurts like hell but for as long as you keep looking forward things get better and easier.

Best of luck Op and as the previous poster said well done for making he hard decision.

LegacyUser

Hey,

im so sorry your going through this. im pretty much in the same boat (age, time, circumstance)but a little further down the road. after my ex told me he didnt think he loved me anymore he went to kiss me goodbye and when i said we cant do that anymore he just burst into tears. he basically said everything yours did, so i feel your pain so much. my advice is to try not to be too hard on yourself. its best to accept its one of those things and its out of your hands. this is easier said than done, i still feel completely all over the place like i have no control over whats happening in my life, but with bad days come good days so it will be better.

your not a fool, you did the right thing in the long run by dealing with the issue. the hardest part is that it will not feel right at all in the short term, things are just gona feel disjointed.

i hate to bum you out and ruin your hope but my ex (also my best friend, favourite person in all d world, all that jazz) missed me but not as a girlfriend. time only re enforced his decision was the right one. bad news for me, but we deserve someone who loves us completely.... hang in there xx

LegacyUser

tryletitgo - Can I ask did your realtionship start to feel like there was something missing before all this happened? Where you still having sex? I ask because I lot of ppl seem to say you know you're falling out of love when the sex goes? I'm sorry if you think I'm being too personal.

It just seems like such a loss. We were still getting excited and making plans the day before hand. We were saying we should head to Brussels for a weekdn soon (we both love beer) and deciding what we'd do for the nations matchs. This really wasn't all on my side, if anything he was the one suggesting things more.

I'm worried Imade a mistake and I should have given him more time to fall back in love with me. He's recently started a job after a year unemplyed after college and also just moved out of home and in with friends. They're both big life changes. Seems like it would be only natural for us to hit a rocky patch.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I broke up with my OH the other day too -in a similar situation myself - and it flipping sucks! I don't really have any advice at the mo, I'm all over the place too. Doesn't seem real yet or something. But if it's any consolation, I know how you feel right now! x

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks for all your responses. I talked to my sister and she finally told me something I wanted to hear. She suggested that as I was only 23 I could afford to stay in a relationship that made me happy for a while longer to see where things go.

I emailed him and we met up and got back together tonight. I'm not really sure he knows what he wants really coz about five minutes after we got back together he was saying we should go on holidays this summer and where should we go. He's not the most mature and I think he may just be confused and need some more time.

I hope it goes well for the rest of you. I'll probably get pretty badly burnt by this soon but at least I'll have done everything I can and had a bit more fun while I'm doing it.

Dragon_fly

Missing_him wrote: »

OP here.

Thanks for all your responses. I talked to my sister and she finally told me something I wanted to hear. She suggested that as I was only 23 I could afford to stay in a relationship that made me happy for a while longer to see where things go.

QUOTE]

OP, I'm sure your sister means well but did she read your initial post? You sure don't sound particularly happy in this on/off relationship! Your initial post was all about what he said and what he was feeling...it's not very clear how you're feeling....

Not sure that walking on eggshells while you see whether he's still confused/knows what he wants etc is much fun for you?

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you're still very young and seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be happy with someone at this early stage. A step back might give you better perspective.

Good luck!