Second Choice

LegacyUser

Hello everyone,

Not a major RI but one that is really annoying me nonetheless. Been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now, things are going well, have the usual rough patches but nothing too serious. We only see each other every 2-3 weekends with jobs and location etc. We have a number of good mutual friends in common too.

Myself and my now girlfriend had been good mates before we got together, we both knew there always was a spark. Recent revelations have revealed there was another guy she had been seeing right before the time we had become ‘official’. I also know that the fact that things didn’t work out between them because of his reluctance to get into anything serious, and that at that time she would have preferred to go with him if it was not for his reluctance. About 1 month later we were started going out. (I didn’t know anything about this at that time)

I know this all happened before we were official, but I feel like second choice, and as it turned out, I was willing to get into a serious relationship at that time with her, where he wasn’t. And that’s why it ended with them. I know she was mad about him. She doesn’t know that I know this, and I think that’s okay, as its probably not really worth bringing up as an issue. I only found this out during the week. It just really bugs me and I am feeling a bit insecure about it.

Then yesterday I saw on her facebook page that she has now become ‘friends’ with this same guy, I got really angry when I saw it. Should I feel the way I do? Or should it just be water off a ducks back? I just don’t know how I should feel about this. Any advice would be great.

Peggypeg

Hey Sweetie,

You really need to talk to her and put this on the table for discussion. The fact you got this information second hand is not good, no one knows how they felt except for the people involved. It may have seemed that she was mad about him to an outsider but maybe she wasn't. I really would talk to her about this because it will eat you up if you don't. It's not nice to feel like second choice, you may be feeling that unnecessarily, which would be a huge pity. I can understand you feeling bad, I would feel that way too if I felt like a second choice, but don't be preemptively angry with your girlfriend. She hasn't done anything wrong. Tell her you need to talk to her, sit her down and tell her what you know and how you feel. These things are NEVER as Black and White as they seem to people outside a relationship so don't go on second hand information, it's not fair on your girlfriend and you will do your head in. Open and honest communication best possible course of action on this one.

Best of luck sweetie.

magneticimpulse

she definitely still has the hots for him and there has been a respark in the relationship. I would suspect your relationship is in danger. The fact that she fancys the pants off him and is still in contact, especially by facebook friends, shows they are still on good terms. I think I would definitely be worried and if I was you I would confront her about it. No point just being strung along until the ex decides he wants your girlfriend back. Now that she is in a relationship she will be more desirable to her ex. I think girls are very clever in getting what they want and if she really wanted him, she will definitely not have given up on relighting that spark.

celica00wd

I think that you have nothing to worry about. Dont mind the poster up above sending off alarm bells. shes allowed have friends on facebook, just like yourself!

if you were second choice she would have gotten rid fo you long ago...but a year and a half later your still here...

dotn say it to her as you dont want to rock the boat!!

it'l work out, dont worry!