On verge of mental breakdown

LegacyUser

guys I feel I am on verge of mental breakdown and dunno what to do.

My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me about 2 months ago. We were together since I was 17. Was devasted and had a very rough Christmas - cried almost every day.

Recently developed feelings for new friend - as in we have not been friends for years or anythin. I went over to his house the other night and we slept together. I am now a total emotional wreck. Am totally obsessed by this guy, doing things I know are totally unreasonable for any sane people. I'm really embarrased to say but basically borderline stalker territory.

He is exactly same as he was before but in fairness it has only been a few days. Now all I can think about is him and if he likes me.

I have no friends and do not have a good relationship with my family. I feel like my life is falling apart and am clinging to my sanity.

Please help me.


Sarah

LegacyUser

I think at 24 you need to go out an live a little, experience and enjoy freedom and the single life! I really dont know if relationship hopping is a good idea!

Lucyx

Hi Sarah

I think you have just transfered the feelings that you had for your ex to this new 'friend'. Thats all it is. I know its so hard but you need to get a hold of yourself and your emotions and get a grip of yourself when you feel like you're gonna behave inappropriately towards this guy. Its probably too soon for you to start seeing a new guy anyway and you need to do more things to make you feel good about yourself, whether its educational or working out or whatever interests you.

When you go through a breakup its like you're going insane and its the most awful thing to have to go through. I know it can be horrendous.

Its gonna take some serious time before you feel ok again and can even function properly but pls be patient with yourself. Are you in touch with your ex at all now?

Eve_Dublin

+ 1 to all of the above. I´m sorry for your situation. Just to say that most people who break up with someone they love/loved go through this horrible period after. I know I felt like I was on th verge of loosing it when it happened to me and I know most people will agree. There´s no getting away from this unfortunately....you just have to battle on through it but I promise you that you will come out the other end a stronger person and you will never have a broken heart like it again and there´s plenty of good times ahead, believe me.

BUT you have to cut this new guy out of your life completely. You´re obsessing over him to fill a void and it´s understandable but you need time to get your head together and look after yourself. You spent your whole adult life so far in a relationship with the same guy and missed out on a lot in the process it seems (this happens all the time) and now you need to find who you are as an individual. All is most definitely NOT lost, you´re only young. Be strong OP and be good to yourself. If you really feel it´s getting too much, maybe consider councelling.

I promise you that you will be okay.

LegacyUser

thanks everyone.

I cant cut the guy out becuase we work together. I am just feeling really like I dont know how to get my life in order. I have no friends. Have taken all the usual advice. joined the gym, classes. And still go to them regularly. am going out with friends any time anyone asks. Thats how the situation with the other guy started.

But my 'friends' all have their own friends that they have had for years and I feel like I have nobody. Im just so lonely and feel like I am seriously losing my grip on reality. I am not in a financial situation where I could ever consider councelling

How Strange

OP, take it easy on yourself. You broke up with your 7yr bf only 2 months ago.

You have to look on that as a death i.e. your relationship died and now you're grieving. It's going to take a long time to get over this but at the moment you're raw and very vulnerable. I'd say don't fight those emotions or ignore them but accept that it's the state you're in right now and it will pass.

Stay away from this guy in a sexual sense or any guy for a while until you get your life back on track. This isn't the time to be jumping into a new relationship. Be kind to yourself, do nice things for you and really give yourself time to heal.

I think it's clear from what you've said about your behaviour around this guy that you've transferred all your emotions, positive and negative, onto him and this new 'relationship'. That really isn't good for you.

I'd advise staying clear of alcohol (not because I think you have a drink problem or anything) but IMO in situations like this when you're psychologically vulnerable alcohol will only make things worse. You'll feel more depressed and on edge. Try doing meditative things like yoga or pilates. Go out for walks, meet friends for coffee, lunch or dinner but avoid drinking sessions. Also learn to enjoy spending time on your own. There's nothing wrong with doing things solo and not being surrounded by friends all the time. A person's worth is not measured by the amount of friends you have so one good, trustworthy friend is worth 10 casual acquaintances.

It will take time to heal and it will take time to build a new life with a new social life. Don't put yourself under pressure to have it all now. You'll also meet someone else at some stage but don't go rushing into that either.

kittenkiller

Good on your for getting out there and doing stuff, the gym, social outings etc.
Personally I think distraction is key!
If you have too much time on your hands you'll keep obsessing and getting worse.

No one knows where the relationship with this new guy will go.
Don't pin too much on a one night fling though because it'll never live up to the expectation that you build up in your head and you'll only be disappointed.

Why don't you initiate evenings out with your friends, (they are your friends, you don't need to have known someone for years and years before you qualify btw, give yourself a break)?
Make a policy to text someone new each day and ask them out to dinner the cinema or drinks.
OK so not everyone will be free, but at least you'll be making an effort and keeping busy and distracted.

You're going through a *huge* life change at the moment and it's not going to be easy, but you need to give yourself a break and try to enjoy yourself!

Best of luck.