What should i do??Tell her Fiancee?

curleyheadboy

hey!
Need a lot of opinons on this one please.I'll keep it short but factual and straight to the point as i wish to just get to the bottom of this ASAP!!
i recently broke up with my gf of 7 years about a year ago. to help get over the pain and get my life back on track i was told to try out match .com to go out on a few dates and meet different girls from different towns etc and to help get over my ex. Yes it was good and yes i would recommend it to everyone who is trying to get over an ex. anyways i met a girl from Tipperary about 7 months ago.started off with the emails then texts then phonecalls and the after a while she drove up to my hometown to go for a meal and a few drinks.we had an absolute ball and things just accelerated after that. being honest i totally forgot about my ex everytime i was chatting to her and i had a serious xmas just because of this girl. she bought me a ticket to new york to go visit my mates and other nice presents etc.
Over the past few months we have gone form good to unnaturally excellent!we talk about everything including past relationships and she too was just out of a long term relationship which we could prob both relate to etc.which is unusual for me as im not that open type of guy but with her it is totally different.we have met up a good few times and just have better craic on each date.
now for the twist in the tale!!!!!
she does some modelling or so she told me!she sometimes has to travel to england to go to model etc and whilst there she was offered a modelling contract in new york for a month in jan.she said she didnt want to go and just wanted for us to get together as in bf and gf! i said absolutely no way as she is only young once and has been tied down in the past and prob prevented from going to these places so told her to go enjoy herself and sure will we see what happens upon her return!
She was not able to tell me any details of the flight times or accomodation or agency she was going to over there so as you could imagine i started to doubt her and then 4 days before she was due to head off she rang me while being very upset and said she had broken her ankle and could not go. we then arrange that due to her misfortune that i would drive down to her town and collect her and bring her up to my town for a weekend as she was totally bored at home etc and could not drive! 2 days before i was due to collect her she made up another excuse and i just complletely doubted her yet again but did not say a thing to her. she told me she could not work as there was steps in her school and so one day i actually rang her work place and asked for her. she came to the phone and comfirmed to me that it was her. she completely denied it that night during our phonecall so i got a mate to ask a mate to ask a mate that works with her what is her story and it turns out that she got ENGAGED on christmas day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf??? the brutal thing is that i recieved about 50 texts and 3 voice mails from her between christmas eve and new years day and she confessed that she has fallen in love with me and wanted to meet up with me etc.

im not sure what to believe now at all. she totally denied being in work, the fact that her leg was not broken and the fact that she could not be collected so why is she gonna tell the truth about this???
PS the person who told my mate is a teacher in that school and he used to work there a few years ago so just in case some people think for me not to believe the story about her gettin engaged!!

now what do i do??
drive to her school and see for myself if she has a broken leg or not or if she was lying about that?
never ever make contact with her again and always wonder why she was so nice to me but led a double life and cheated on her fiancee??
be a bastard & ring up her faincee and let him know what was going on and show him the many texts, pics, hotels rooms reciepts, voice mails etc from her before she totally ****s up that poor lads life as i know well i would hate to get married and then find out that my wife was a cheat??

i am the most honest lad u wil ever meet and i just find it hard to believe that someone could be like that firstly to me but most importantly to her poor fiancee!!
Thought that what happened to me is only something you would expect to see on eastenders :-)

thanks for reading my rant and any advice is welcome whether it is helpful, nasty, critical or otherwise!
Cheers!

Taltos

Maybe you are just overthinking this.

Step back - your GF has had an accident and is in plaster.
What do you do?
Well - what I would do is surprise her to take care of her and to spoil her....

Why go to all the extra lengths of checking up on her? Just take a drive down after work with some flowers/ chocolates and a get well card.

If you are right - and the sh1t hits the fan - well - how were you to know...

Chances are you are 100% spot on here - you are being led on a merry chase - but if you accuse her straight out - you might come out the worse for it...

Sanjuro

With all due respect, this is a no-brainer. She seems to be giving you the run-around. Lying constantly and you yourself admit you don't trust her at all, and she isn't being honest with you. Trust is paramount in a relationship. Walk away from this and count yourself lucky you discovered what she's like before you got more involved. The last thing you need is your head wrecked with doubt and a lack of trust.

seahorse

curleyheadboy wrote: »

to help get over the pain and get my life back on track i was told to try out match .com to go out on a few dates and meet different girls from different towns etc and to help get over my ex. Yes it was good and yes i would recommend it to everyone who is trying to get over an ex.

Wecome to the wonderful world of internet dating.:rolleyes: I'm very surprised to hear you'd recommend it after this experience! This is exactly the problem with meeting potential partners in this way; too many unscrupulous people out there willing to paint the sort of picture they think you'd like to see.

If I were you I would just blank her totally. This girl is a compulsive liar and really that should be all you need to know.

aidan24326

If the info you've been given about her getting engaged is 100% trustworthy, then you need to confront her about it. Don't go steaming in all guns blazing just tell her what you've heard and see what she says, gauge her reaction. DO NOT go anywhere near her fiancee, that's none of your business and your intrusion will probably not be welcome. You need to speak with her asap, but don't draw any conclusions until you do.

ManOfMystery

Taltos wrote: »

Maybe you are just overthinking this.

Step back - your GF has had an accident and is in plaster.
What do you do?
Well - what I would do is surprise her to take care of her and to spoil her....

Why go to all the extra lengths of checking up on her? Just take a drive down after work with some flowers/ chocolates and a get well card.

If you are right - and the sh1t hits the fan - well - how were you to know...

Chances are you are 100% spot on here - you are being led on a merry chase - but if you accuse her straight out - you might come out the worse for it...

+1 for this - I would take the softly softly approach and 'surprise' her with a visit

kenbrady

Based on what you wrote about her. She does not see like a very stable person. Are you sure you are not the one she told people she got engaged to ? Could be another of her little fantasies. Telling all her colleagues in work she has a new man and got engaged.
Get the facts to put your mind at rest and then walk away.

seahorse

kenbrady wrote: »

Based on what you wrote about her. She does not see like a very stable person. Are you sure you are not the one she told people she got engaged to ? Could be another of her little fantasies. Telling all her colleagues in work she has a new man and got engaged.
Get the facts to put your mind at rest and then walk away.

Lol, I never thought of that!

OP, you're probably half way up the middle aisle!:D

XarcherX

Agree with Taltos... If you're going to confront her with this, you need to do it face to face to truly know what's going on...Play it dumb at first, let on you know nothing and just arrive and "surprise" her. If you just cut all contact now, you'll always wonder if she was definately lying.
Also, is she still texting & ringing you or does she have an idea you've twigged something?
If she is really engaged to someone else then i feel for you, it's horrible having someone play games like that just for an ego boost...
Whatever you decide good luck OP.

martdalto

My thoughts exactly KenBrady!!

As I was reading through, the more and more the story was becoming embellished, the more and more I thought you are the new fiancé, OP!
I can't imagine she would be affording flights to New York for you for Christmas and all the rest if she has a bf to be buying for too! Teachers don't earn that much!!

I'm guessing you proposed on Christmas Day, and then took her away to New York for a romantic holiday!!

Does the friend, of a friend, of a friend of a friend etc know her bf's name?!

How old is this girl? Does she seem immature when you are together? Thinking back of things she has told you, does she always have some sort of exciting story about things that have happened her?

Either way - you need to talk to her. You meed to find out is she really a nut job, or are others just hearing stories and drawing their own conclusions! 5th or 6th hand information is rarely very reliable!!

LegacyUser

Run Fast & Far my friend. Unless this is a big misunderstanding, this sounds like a clusterf*ck.

sumse

maybe there is a girl with the same name that really got engaged on that school? and maybe it was her that answered the phone.
i mean would you not know her voice or she yours?

also maybe your friends friends friends friends knows that girl from the school but its not the girl you met? does she knows him too?

go and talk to her

unattendedbag

I agree with Taltos.

Play dumb and none the wiser. Pop down to see her as a surprise and if you rumble her secret then at least you wont be shocked and your suspicions will be confirmed. This will put you totally in control so you can just give her that look and walk away. IF you get down there and there has been some mis-understanding or mistaken identity and everything is fine then nothing to worry about and you can move on. Btw have you ever been down to her home town before? have you ever met any of her friends or family? gone on a date in her local town? If the answers to all these are no then it may help to confirm your suspicions. Its hard to believe that you havent had ant suspicions in the last 7 months.

Do not contact her fiancee. You thought u were having a relationship with this woman so dont drag anyone else into this mess. If she's a terrible partner, compulsive liar and a cheat then she will orchestrate her own downfall, no need for you to get involved.

curleyheadboy

Firstly thanks to all who replied to me and guess what.........Ye/We were all 100% right!!

Taltos: was good advise on what to do but withwork commitments it was not possible for me to drive down at the time she was in school but it was a good idea on what to do!

Sanjuro: i totally agree with you and believe me im counting the lucky stars now after finding out the truth!

SeaHorse: i got it into my head before xmas that she was a complusive liar and yep we were right!

aidan24326: i took you advice and it paid off!

Kenbrady: spot on, not stable at all!F**ked up in head

martdalto: Yeah defo found out that she is a nutjob and living the double life!

RunawayNow: sprinted away last night not just ran!!

sumse: are you actually her with more excuses????haha no all info is 100% reliable

the_original_OP:i agree with you in not contacting her fiancee but i do feel so sorry for the poor lad but then again is not my business!!


anyways she sent me another few messages yesterday and i did not reply to any of them.then she rang me after work and i asked her was her leg broken, was she she with her ex and was she engaged and she just went completely quite and it was so so obvious that she was caught out so so badly. it was such a sweet feeling to actually know that i have got out of this before it got serious and proved that she is in fact a total NUTJOB.
she hung up the phone and then text that she was out of coverage but was not listening to what i had said so then i text her everything again and told her to delete all my phone numbers email addressess and whatever else and to get herself some much needed professional help for her complusive lying!
Lads, thanks for comfirming everything i already knew what to do but sometimes its easier to hear and go by other peoples opinion!
i know it might not look as if she did not come out with the truth but you know when you know that someone is lying through their teeth as you can detect it in the quiver in their voice whn they have been caught out so badly. she was a complusive liar but her stories just did not add up all the time so thats what messed things up for her in the end. as i text her the truth always comes out in the end so better off being honest and straight up from the start!!

Thanks again!
One very happy man!!

curleyheadboy

OP

unattendedbag

Cheers for the update. I cant believe you came out of this with a smile on your face, but i suppose the subtle feeling of catching her and sticking it to her is sometimes sweet. Best of luck with the next lady.

LegacyUser

Glad to hear you got out of it easily enough OP!

Went through pretty the same situation a few years ago, If she was from Galway I'ld say it was the same woman!

appleb

Jeez.... thats mad, Ted!