Out of work help

Gone Fishin

Dear All,

My wife and I have been married for a couple of months now and it is all going great. We get on better now and are closer now than we ever were. I consider myself very lucky to have her and I would do anything for her.

The problem is that she has been out of work since June. She is looking hard for jobs everywhere. She has registered with just about every Recruitment site in Ireland and she checks the various sites daily. She is on the dole and we are managing moneywise, there are no problems there. But on a personal level for her it is demoralising. She is sinking lower and lower. I find her crying often. She is so depressed with her current situation.

She is highly educated, highly skilled and very eager to work. I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything to help her with her current plight. I try to encourage her with words and it will make her smile but long term it is not working.

Is anyone else in the same situation? Any advice at all?

Cheers in advance.

Babooshka

What a lovely strong husband you're being for her, she's a very lucky woman.

Could you take her for a walk some evening or at the weekend and tell her you're concerned about her and would like to see her smile more, and would she look into something for her to take up to develop even her creative side as opposed to a skillset? (EDIT: could she join a choir /local community group /women's support group?) You'll have to adjust those suggestions for something for her to do to suit her skills and talents, I don't know her obviously. Is it worth checking out about community groups where others have become unemployed are there any support groups or anyone to talk to. Local TD's may be able to help...I don't know.

You say she's highly educated and skilled and you're not struggling for money. Bear in mind, lots of lower skilled and low paid workers who were already struggling are now worse off again and may never find work again. When things pick up your wife will again find work, so if I was her, I'd use the time to take up a hobby I always wanted to do but never had time to. I do not mean to belittle your wife's feelings, being unemployed and feeling invalidated is painful to all, I am just trying to see your particular silver lining. She's very lucky to have you to care so much for her. best of luck to both of you.

Emme

Sorry to hear about your wife OP but many of us would think that she is very lucky. She has a great supportive husband and you're ok moneywise.

I remember being made redundant in the early 90s and it wasn't nice. The agencies take pleasure in humiliating you and some of the jobs out there were terrible!

She could be a lot worse off. If she were single and had to manage on the dole it would be harder for her. I know, if I was just married and out of work I would feel bad too for the sake of my husband. But maybe she should see this as an opportunity to do some of the things she wants. Would you consider having a baby now, could you afford it? Life doesn't always go according to plan and sometimes you have to improvise.

good luck.

Leah-G1

I was in the same position during the summer. I was out of work for about 4 months and it was the worst time of my life. I got so down in the dumps I wouldnt even even get dressed some days! My poor boyfriend didnt know what to do with me...I was crying alllll the time and at the drop of a hat. I know first hand it is horrible!

What your doing for her now is great..its what she needs. Lots and lots of support and reassurance. I felt so useless and my fella helped me by being there and giving me a boost when I needed it. Theres no getting away from the fact that she wont feel 100% until she is back out working. It will happen though, there is hope! Worst thing you can do is question her all the time about what shes done in the day which is probably very little... I used to feel like people didnt believe I was constantly looking for a job, day in day out.

Its a horrible situation and I empathise totally with you. Just keep doing what your doing and be POSITIVE cause I bet shes not.

Try and get her out of the house as much as you can, let her help you with things..make her feel useful.

Hope things pick up for you!

LegacyUser

hi OP

I dont have any advice for you as i have never been in this position myself, just wanted to say that you sound like a great husband,, so i guess just keep doing what you are doing as well as you are doing, by being there for her,,, Shes a very lucky lady,,,

best of luck to both of you,,

xxx

mood

Emme wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your wife OP but many of us would think that she is very lucky. She has a great supportive husband and you're ok moneywise.

I remember being made redundant in the early 90s and it wasn't nice. The agencies take pleasure in humiliating you and some of the jobs out there were terrible!

She could be a lot worse off. If she were single and had to manage on the dole it would be harder for her. I know, if I was just married and out of work I would feel bad too for the sake of my husband. But maybe she should see this as an opportunity to do some of the things she wants. Would you consider having a baby now, could you afford it? Life doesn't always go according to plan and sometimes you have to improvise.

good luck.

I agree. I am single and out of work and it is so hard. Having close support must be a great help. Although I would love to meet the right guy I feel I can't even start seeing anyone as I could have to pack up and leave any minute for a job. My life in totally on hold in ever way. Maybe she could do a day or evening course to keep her busy until a job offer comes.

Gone Fishin

Guys,

Thank you all very much for your advice and help. I'm not doing anything special or anything out of the ordinary, I'm just doing exactly what she would do for me. I know that things will turn right around for her, she is a good person. She just needs a break. We have to be thankful for everything we have and there are other people who are in a worse situation than us, at least one of us is working. I am trying to get her to do a course - Open University, FAS etc. We try to take in as many nice walks, cinema and just do what we can together at the weekends. She even went to Mass last night for the first time in ages, outside of Christmas!

I just have to keep doing what I am doing and things will go right. I just know they will.

Thanks again.

PS: Babies - no babies yet but we're having great fun trying!!!