Social Scene Reject

gilmour

Hey everyone im not exactly sure what the reason is as to why im posting about this, maybe its just to get it off my chest so apologies if i make no sense
Basically i feel like i have lost all direction socially, actually no, i am lost and isolated socially.

A bit of background - Unemployed, 28 years old and i am your classic addictive personality, so, after developing a drink problem, i quit it back in 2003 for good, and as of 2 weeks ago, i quit my 40 a day smoking habit, before alcohol i was addicted to cannibis and of course have since quit it. Anxiety played a huge role in every addiction i had. So, congratulations all round is the normal reaction to my achievements of kicking each addiction, "well done, you're flying" etc, i appreciate these comments from time to time, but if im being very honest im starting to feel a bit patronised, or pitied upon which isnt exactly the best feeling in the world.
Love wise, i was in a relationship for 8 years, it ended 2 years ago and since then ive started socialising again (something which i didnt do during the relationship), it was fine, i would try my best to fit in as a non drinker and enjoy the single life, which i did and honestly the only reason why im on the social scene at all is to get out of the house and of course maybe meet and mingle with women etc..but thats another story, because it isnt working out too good.
But the real problem is, socially im having zero fun ironically since i gave up smoking. Smoking actually gave me something to do when i was out, it gave me direction, a purpose to be there even, if my drunk mates wandered off as they do, i could go to the smoking area, relax and mingle with fellow smokers. Since quitting 2 weeks go I've went out twice, last night and tonight and i never felt so isolated or lonely in my life, i even tried dancing to music that makes my ears bleed, and i just feel totally and utterly dejected and tired of the whole scene.

Which brings me to my question...what in christs name is there for me to do? Being single i feel like i NEED to get out there and mix etc and coming from a big town that offers very little other than pubs and nightclubs, i feel as if there is nothing for me to do about this. Is there anyone else out there in my situation who doesnt drink or smoke, and manages to sucessfully go out and enjoy themselves without feeling like a spare wheel? Any advice at all is appreciated, im just really struggling with this.

*Apologies for rambling on, there wasnt much of a plan to post this but hoping to hear some outsiders feedback that might make me look at my situation differently

magneticimpulse

congrats on giving up. ive never smoked so i dont know what its like...i just have experience that it is possible to find things to do without smoking.Well being someone who doesnt smoke, i would never date a smoker! Not only is it better for your health, wealth you also broaden your choice of girls to date. I dont see why you cant just chat to people inside the pub? I mean why does it have to be outside in the smoking area? Theres people inside getting drinks at the bar and you could chat to people then? As for drinking, i do drink but not a huge drinker and alot of times ive started to drive into town on night out and drink Erdinger alcohol free beer (its actually really nice). Ive been out with guys and they have joked that i must be pissed, not realising i was actually drinking alcohol free beer.

Theres plenty of things to do besides pub. Im not sure if you joined any sports? Meetup.com is good to get out and mingle without it having to be in the pub. There are various groups from language groups to hiking to going to gigs. Check it out and try some of the groups out.

ash23

You are going to places you don't enjoy, thats why.
I'd say the pub isn't too bad but the clubs must be a nightmare. I'd never go to a club sober

Try internet dating? Or maybe start in the gym? There are loads of places you could go to and enjoy and meet people. Odds are if you're in a club the only women youll be talking to are drunk/high/only interested in the music. PLus the noise levels make it hard to have a decent conversation.

Personally I would say, go to the pub. Chat girls up at the bar or as they stand around. When your mates head to the club, head home.
Join a few new activities and give internet dating a shot.

ash23

Also meant to add to check out this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015.

It's the non drinkers forum here.

You might find a few like minded people to socialise with.

edvedfan

There are loads of other ways to socialise and meet people than on nights out

OP what are your interests and perhaps you could join a club or volunteer work?

If you don't smoke or drink, perhaps looking in a nightclub / pub is not a good place to meet people as they tend to have different interests than you do.

Obviously you're a strong willed person who seems to persevere and succeed in what ever it is they are doing if you successfully kicked all three habits so have no doubt that you will succeed in this field also.


Good luck

unreggd

ash23 wrote: »

Also meant to add to check out this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015.

It's the non drinkers forum here.

You might find a few like minded people to socialize with.

And more specifically, this thread.

OP, your problem is as was said above, you're going to places you don't like

And you seem to be purposely going out to pull

I hated doin that because whether I pulled or not, or who I pulled ended up rating my whole night

You should be goin out primarily to have fun with mates, meeting someone special/fun is an added bonus

Go to clubs that play music you like. Do you actually like dancing at clubs, or did you just do it for the sake of it?

The problem for me is having the same friends. The more friends you get out, the more new people you'll meet. Even if you don't find someone special at a club/group, you can make friends with other people through them

and it's way easier to start friendships in a social club as you already share a strong personal interest

So relax and enjoy yourself

and congrats on kickin the bold habits!