Have you ever had depression?

Thanks for that Vivara, although I'd just like to point out that while depression isn't just black and white (since that metaphor seems to fit nicely), some people can also have conditions which cause them to be deficient in certain neurotransmitters which will lead to depression. This is certainly a medical condition.

These conditions aside, you're quite right, although I'd like to say that it's not such a bad thing. Treating depression as one well-defined medical condition is not the way to go for treatment (my thoughts above excepted) but is helped for publicising it in my view. The "Talk to somebody" attitude as espoused by, for example, boneyarsebogeyman's signature is helpful for getting people to take an interest in their mental health.

Vivara

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks for that Vivara, although I'd just like to point out that while depression isn't just black and white (since that metaphor seems to fit nicely), some people can also have conditions which cause them to be deficient in certain neurotransmitters which will lead to depression. This is certainly a medical condition.

Actually, I've done considerable research on this neurotransmitter chemical imbalance theory.

In yet another study from 2005, Lacasse and Leo provide evidence that there is no evidence to support widely promoted claims regarding the cause of depression, the effectiveness of antidepressants, and how antidepressants work. Lacasse and Leo cite studies, experts and leading scientists who conclude there is insufficient evidence to support a belief that depression is the result of a serotonin deficiency and that drugs like Prozac can correct this problem. Furthermore, there is no valid evidence to support the conclusion that depression is the result of a chemical imbalance (AKA a deficiency in neurotransmitters).

Lacasse and Leo suggest that despite a lack of evidence, and even evidence to the contrary, the pharmaceutical industry markets and educates the public, schools and health care describing a cause and treatment for depression that is not substantiated by research, science and expert opinion.

In fact, many studies have also come to the conclusion that the biological occurrences which you describe are in fact effects or depression, not the causes.

To put it very simply, it’s the story of big money. These drugs that fuel a $330 billion psychiatric industry depend on this idea of a chemical imbalance, and many people are completely shocked to know that there isn't any evidence for this theory. Please, please show me some and I would be more than delighted to see it.

Deleted User wrote: »

These conditions aside, you're quite right, although I'd like to say that it's not such a bad thing. Treating depression as one well-defined medical condition is not the way to go for treatment (my thoughts above excepted) but is helped for publicising it in my view. The "Talk to somebody" attitude as espoused by, for example, boneyarsebogeyman's signature is helpful for getting people to take an interest in their mental health.

I do agree that it hase increased the awareness of depression. But it's also not right to make people thing that they are very ill, suffering from a medical disease (when they are not) and that they have to shell out for medication. As I've said, it's an industry worth hundreds of billions.

Again, I would encourage anyone to look at these studies for themselves.

Ed.

Vivara

Vivara wrote: »

Actually, I've done considerable research on this neurotransmitter chemical imbalance theory.

In yet another study from 2005, Lacasse and Leo provide evidence that there is no evidence to support widely promoted claims regarding the cause of depression, the effectiveness of antidepressants, and how antidepressants work. Lacasse and Leo cite studies, experts and leading scientists who conclude there is insufficient evidence to support a belief that depression is the result of a serotonin deficiency and that drugs like Prozac can correct this problem. Furthermore, there is no valid evidence to support the conclusion that depression is the result of a chemical imbalance (AKA a deficiency in neurotransmitters).

Lacasse and Leo suggest that despite a lack of evidence, and even evidence to the contrary, the pharmaceutical industry markets and educates the public, schools and health care describing a cause and treatment for depression that is not substantiated by research, science and expert opinion.

In fact, many studies have also come to the conclusion that the biological occurrences which you describe are in fact effects or depression, not the causes.

I'm curious to know if, when you say that you've done research you mean that this is your professional area of expertise or that you've read research.

That's very interesting. I'll definitely read up on Lacasse and Leo anyway.

And to clarify, by your last point are you saying that evidence does show statistical correlation between low serotonin levels but not causation?

Furthermore (I'm sorry, but yours is the most interesting post I've seen for quite a while), when you say that there is no evidence to show that a chemical imbalance causes depression, do you mean that it is irrelevant completely, or that other factors play a more dominant role, or something else entirely?

Thanks.

jumpguy

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm curious to know if, when you say that you've done research you mean that this is your professional area of expertise or that you've read research.

That's very interesting. I'll definitely read up on Lacasse and Leo anyway.

And to clarify, by your last point are you saying that evidence does show statistical correlation between low serotonin levels but not causation?

Furthermore (I'm sorry, but yours is the most interesting post I've seen for quite a while), when you say that there is no evidence to show that a chemical imbalance causes depression, do you mean that it is irrelevant completely, or that other factors play a more dominant role, or something else entirely?

Thanks.

I actually remember seeing an article about this before...and sure enough I found it. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8138893.stm

I'd be a little anxious about posting it here though incase it'd put people off their drugs for their respective mental illnesses. Please take drugs you're prescribed people...don't be silly now!

amacachi

Deleted User wrote: »

It's really good to see this issue being tackled where it really matters in this country.

How so?

Piste wrote: »

Just saw a surprisingly high number of people have had depression without needing medication- I'm wondering how many of these were diagnosed with clinical depression and were told no meds were needed and how many are self-diagnosed- it could be somewhat skewing the results.

Well I was referred by a counsellor to a psychiatrist who prescribed me anti-depressants and a few years later another counsellor referred me to a doctor to get a prescription for a sedative and take things from there.

I avoided taking anything for the most part and just got better myself. I'm expecting to be shouted down for saying this but I found that I grew out of it somewhat and that some of my older friends have had a similar experience to me. Talking to some people younger than me and reading the posts here it's the exact same kind of crap I was feeling for years. I genuinely think that people change and grow up way more in the year or two around when they turn 21 than just at the end of puberty and I've found that a majority of people I know basically did just get better by themselves. Some had a change in their lives or circumstances, I didn't, but it was around the same age that things got better.

I'm not trying to dismiss what anyone is saying and I realise that it's going to sound really condescending to say that a lot of problems stem from immaturity, I know if someone had said that to me I'd have fcuked them right off.

EDIT: Just reading above about the efficacy of anti-depressants, if one looks back through the thread they might see where I was dismissed for suggesting that they're not as beneficial as certain areas would like to make out. In case you're wondering Conor it's been shown several times that SSRIs increase serotonin levels quickly but the mood effect takes far longer to occur (if indeed it does). The specific circumstances in which they're prescribed would be pretty damn interesting to me.
Some light reading: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=antidepressants-do-they-work-or-dont-they http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/303/1/47.short?home What constitutes severe depression is also something that I would argue about. :pac:

Vivara

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm curious to know if, when you say that you've done research you mean that this is your professional area of expertise or that you've read research.

At present, no it's not my professional area of expertise. I actually intend to do medicine and specialise in neurology before pursuing education in clinical psychology. As far-fetched as that sounds, I want to see the research from both sides of the coin. As well as having a huge interest in neurological conditions (that are actually diseases, such as Alzheimer's), being a neurologist will allow me to dispute the biological side of mental illness with credibility.

That's the plan anyway!

Deleted User wrote: »

And to clarify, by your last point are you saying that evidence does show statistical correlation between low serotonin levels but not causation?

Yes that's what I'm saying. Just like falling in love often increases serotonin levels in the brain, depression (due to life traumas) can cause a decrease in serotonin levels. That's the reason you can feel happy due to love and feel like **** when something bad happens in your life. It's confusing to think about, to be honest. I'm going to read up on it a bit more.

Deleted User wrote: »

Furthermore (I'm sorry, but yours is the most interesting post I've seen for quite a while), when you say that there is no evidence to show that a chemical imbalance causes depression, do you mean that it is irrelevant completely, or that other factors play a more dominant role, or something else entirely?

Evidence would say that genetic and biological factors do play a role. However, it's widely viewed that that's only in as little as 8-10% of cases. While I can't dispute the evidence with any studies, I would tend to believe that that's highly inflated.

However, evidence is a plenty to show that environmental and social factors play the largest part in mental illnesses such as depression. So not only do they play an extremely dominant role, the environmental causes do tend to mean that in treatment of depression, and biological causes (if there are any at all) are irrelevant.

Deleted User wrote: »

Thanks.

You're welcome.

amacachi wrote: »

Just reading above about the efficacy of anti-depressants, if one looks back through the thread they might see where I was dismissed for suggesting that they're not as beneficial as certain areas would like to make out. In case you're wondering Conor it's been shown several times that SSRIs increase serotonin levels quickly but the mood effect takes far longer to occur (if indeed it does). The specific circumstances in which they're prescribed would be pretty damn interesting to me.

I've often been dismissed in other fora too! This time, however, I took the time to include all my references and links to clear evidence for what I'm saying. If people have a problem with it, they are more than welcome to post up studies for what they believe, or to contact these highly respected researchers and dispute it with them. I will have a read of that article, too.


Ed.

Grindylow

Lawliet wrote: »

I’ve been debating for a while whether or not to post anything here for a while. I've never told this to anyone before, but in an attempt to be a bit more open I figured I'd just bite the bullet and go for it.

I've never been a particularly happy person and as I got older I become downright miserable. I got bullied pretty badly in secondary school and my home life wasn't much better. I never felt like I could talk to anyone about my problems, so many of them were tied family and it's not the kind of thing you tell people. Especially not when you live in a small rural community where half of your friend's parents and half of the school staff are friends with your parents.
Long story short my mum's an alcoholic, prone to fits of psychosis. She wasn't the easiest person to be around growing up, but it really got bad around four years ago when my older brother went to college. With my dad away most of the time and no one else around, I got the worst of her abuse. I got a lot of severe anxiety attacks and started skipping school whenever she went to work, I just couldn't handle it any more. I use to just lock myself away and go for days without speaking to anyone. I'd already been self harming for a few years, but that was nothing compared to amount of damage I did over the next couple of years.

Looking back I don't know how I got through it at all. I heard something once: that if you hit absolute rock bottom - when you're genuinely convinced you might as well just die- if you go three weeks without attempting to commit suicide, then you probably never will. I don’t know if that's true at all, but just the idea that 'if I can get through this then nothing will be quite this bad again,' probably saved my life a few times. And eventually things got a bit better.

I know it hasn't just gone away and I still have a few emotional problems I should probably deal with, but I can't bring myself to look about help when I'm kind of doing okay-ish right now.

Wow, just after reading that, and all l can say is that you sound like an amazing person for getting through all of that by yourself- you must be an incredibly strong person. It sounds as if you've tried to get over most of it and move on, which is great because your life is moving on, and so are you. Sorry if some of this is ilegible, I wrote it on my phone because I read your post on boards mobile and just had to reply.

amacachi

amacachi wrote: »

How so?

Is it not best to deal with it early on than leaving it simmer?

Pygmalion

Just read [url=http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller[/url]this[/url].

Seren_

Pygmalion wrote: »

Just read [url=http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller[/url]this[/url].

That is unbelievably sad

Lawliet

Noel2k9 wrote: »

Wow, just after reading that, and all l can say is that you sound like an amazing person for getting through all of that by yourself- you must be an incredibly strong person. It sounds as if you've tried to get over most of it and move on, which is great because your life is moving on, and so are you. Sorry if some of this is ilegible, I wrote it on my phone because I read your post on boards mobile and just had to reply.

Nah I'm not strong, I'm a bit of a crybaby tbh! I just coped as best as I could, same as anyone would and I was lucky enough that things got better.
Thanks though, it means a lot

Midnight_EG

Pygmalion wrote: »

Just read [url=http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller[/url]this[/url].

I simply can't bring myself to reading that after only reading the opening line

Smoking_Gun

Pygmalion wrote: »

Just read [url=http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller[/url]this[/url].

It's truly horrifying that a person can have such a destructive impact on another's life (as his abuser did) and walk free.:(

Piste

Vivara wrote: »

I would encourage anyone here to read either 'Doctoring the Mind' by Richard P. Bentall or 'Madness Explained' by the same author, the latter being heavier to read.

People who are wondering if people have or have not depression have fallen into the trap created by psychiatrists and drug companies.

Depression, mental illness and madness are not purely medical conditions that can be treated with drugs. To me (and to many respected psychologists and psychiatrists themselves), there is not a clear dividing line between mental health and mental illness. We all experience elements of depression in our daily lives, some more so than others. We are all vulnerable to depression.

However, depression is a very serious problem, there is no one denying that. I am however, trying to dispel the myth that one either has or does not have depression. That is rubbish. As I've said above, there is no dividing line. The very fact that people wonder whether they have depression or feel down is proof of this.

Secondly, I'd like to draw your attention to several studies regarding the effectiveness of medication vs. counselling or psychotherapy. Surely people must realise that the reason they are depressed is almost always due to something that has happened in their lives, whether they are aware of it or not.

Using medication is simply treating the symptoms, and not the cause. While people are on drugs such as Paxil and Prozac, there is no doubt that there is huge evidence of their effectiveness. However, there is also considerable evidence to show that psychotherapeutic methods such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are just as effective. In fact, in a study by DeRubeis and others, it was shown that CBT was considerably more effective once treatment was stopped.

In 2005, during a study of 240 patients they reported that cognitive therapy worked as well as a Paxil for moderate to severe depression. (Note the severe.) At eight weeks, the response rate was very similar at around 50%, with Paxil having a slightly, although marginally, lower percentage. But by 16 weeks, 58% of patients in both treatment groups were feeling better.

This is where it gets interesting. Twelve months later, the patiests who had finished after just 16 weeks of the cognitive therapy also had an identical relapse rate as the people who were still on the drug after twelve months.

The people who stopped taking Paxil after the 16 weeks were then compared to those who had also stopped cognitive therapy. Guess what? Those who had the 16 weeks of the drug had a relapse rate twice as high as those who had just 16 weeks of the cognitive therapy.

So basically, taking drugs by themselves will not help you unless you plan to be on them for the rest of your life. Just sixteen weeks of psychotherapy is twice as effective as sixteen weeks of drugs, while being much cheaper. If you want the same effect as the 16 weeks of therapy with antidepressants, you have to stay on the drug forever.

I'm sure many people on this forum are unaware of these facts. Given the really tough times we're in, many people simply cannot afford to spend tens or hundreds on medication when all they need to do is talk to someone who is suitably qualified, especially when drugs are considerably less effective and much more expensive in the long run.

Even though I've attempted to quote my post like an academic paper and actually mentioned the studies showing evidence for what I'm saying, I know that there will no doubt be people who somehow disagree with me. I would encourage anyone who does to read the books I've mentioned, or even Google similar studies — there are so many of them with many of the common antidepressants that people have mentioned in this thread.

Regards,
Ed.


EDIT: Just said I'd include the name of another study for people to look at. It's a longitudinal follow-up study by Moncrieff and Kirsch, also from 2005. To just take a quote from it:



If you didn't catch that, those not prescribed the drugs had a slighty better outcome than those who were prescribed antidepressants. I — being the sceptic that I am — would expect people to have even a small chance of a better outcome for all their time on the medication, but to find out that people actual had a worse outcome is scary.

It's nice to see someone referencing claims for a change!

Just on your point about mental health not being purely medical, I agree with that, but there are some cases where CBT and counselling just isn't enough because there are neurochemical imbalances in the brain. Schizophrenia is one that comes to mind. Anti-psychotics and sedatives are needed in this case as it's not a condition that will respons to purely CBT and other forms of therapy. To truly tackle severe mental illness with a biological basis a pharmacological as well as therapeutic approach is needed.

Pigwidgeon

Pygmalion wrote: »

Just read [url=http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller[/url]this[/url].

Wow that's awful. Some of the comments underneath are just awful.

Pigwidgeon

Just doing some study for my psychopharmacology exam and I found some interesting statistics in my notes.

- In 2009 in Ireland, there were 10,000 suicide attempts.
- World-wide, more people suffer from mental illnesses than cancer
- Depression is the 2nd most widespread illness in the Western World.

So going by those statistics, I cannot understand the taboo in Ireland surrounding depression. Obviously we are much better than we used to, but with statistics like that, we are miles away from where we should be.

If I find any more interesting ones in my notes I'll post them up too.

Seren_

kateos2 wrote: »

- World-wide, more people suffer from mental illnesses than cancer

That's unreal.

As you say Kate, I can't believe there is such a taboo around mental illness in this country when you take facts like that into consideration. The old adage that everyone has been affected by cancer at some stage (whether it be themselves/a family member/friend) should obviously be true for mental illness then too, but there is nowhere as much publicity

One thing I dislike, which I have mentioned in previous threads, is the labeling of depression as an illness or a disease, that could possibly account for some of the stigma/taboos that surround it?

Seren_

Deleted User wrote: »

One thing I dislike, which I have mentioned in previous threads, is the labeling of depression as an illness or a disease, that could possibly account for some of the stigma/taboos that surround it?

I get what you're saying, but that's something I'm a bit conflicted on. I think that if depression wasn't seen as an illness, it wouldn't be taken as seriously by some people (just going from my personal experience here, and how my parents reacted - the fact that they thought of it as me having an illness made them take it more seriously than if they saw it as a case of me just feeling "sad").

However, marking depression as not being an illness could make some people admit to it more freely, as it may make them less embarrassed about it. If depression is an illness, admitting to having it may make them feel weak.

Lawliet

Your Text Here wrote: »

However, marking depression as not being an illness could make some people admit to it more freely, as it may make them less embarrassed about it. If depression is an illness, admitting to having it may make them feel weak.

Going on my own person experience here, I would think the opposite would be true. It isn't taboo to get an illness, you might not go around shouting from the roof tops that you were sick, but you wouldn't be ashamed of it, you wouldn't try to hide it from everyone close to you and resist treatment.

People know that when they get an illness it's not their fault, however a lot of people who suffer from depression think it is their fault. I think having it defined as a mental illness allows people to draw a line under it and accept that there's nothing with them as a person, this is just an illness they have that needs to be dealt with.

KnifeWRENCH

I think everyone should read this book if they get a chance:



It's called "I Had a Black Dog" and it's by Matthew Johnstone, who himself has been a sufferer of depression. It's so simple yet really powerful, and says a lot more with a few simple sentences and illustrations than most 'self-help' books ever manage.

The author has a blog aswell: http://ihadablackdog.blogspot.com/

flyswatter

Might as well bump this to see how everyone's getting along.

I'm doing pretty good these days.

I'll explain more later.

Seren_

So am I actually! A lot different from this time last year. Just goes to show that it does get better, no matter how much you think it won't.

amacachi

Out of interest can I ask what age people who are feeling better now are and if they think any treatment they may have had helped?

sara_q

My sister suffers from depression, she just gets "down" from time to time...it came to a head this time when we found out she hadn't returned to college after christmas. She's 21, and its been on and off since she's about 14. Now she is taking medication, a v mild dose apparently and honestly I think its really helped. So people if you're suffering get help, its there and she says now she just feels "normal" like everyone else.

flyswatter

amacachi wrote: »

Out of interest can I ask what age people who are feeling better now are and if they think any treatment they may have had helped?

21. I had a broad illness which was psychotic mainly. The meds were important of course but I was lucky to have fantastic treatment and therapy.

Even then though that wouldn't have been enough without my own self input.

I've lost 2.5 stone I'd say in 3 months. Kind of varies depending on the exercise I do. I think my BMI is grand for my height (6'2 ish). I'm not a lanky guy, broad shouldered, blocky. I used to play rugby in school as a prop (Hate that position!) Backrow FTW!

I'll probably try some marathon or cycling a lot over the summer.

And yeah, I'll start a blog soon. I'll give the fitness a mention definitely. I'm a bit obsessed with that at the moment.

I had to work hard to get to this stage. Pure tenacity really. I'm very driven.

Seren_

amacachi wrote: »

Out of interest can I ask what age people who are feeling better now are and if they think any treatment they may have had helped?

Yeah, there's no way I'd still be here if it wasn't for the treatment I've gotten over the past 18 months. I think a combination of an anti-depressant and therapy works well; one helps the other. When I was at my worst I used to be in the counsellor's office every day just to make sure I hadn't done anything - I would just sit there for the hour crying more often than not. You need the anti-depressant to get your mood up enough to be even able to talk about what's wrong. But there's absolutely no use in going on meds if you're not going to work on the reasons why you're feeling down.

That's all just my own experience though - everyone's different. Something that might work brilliantly for one person could be awful for another. I'm 21.

Konata

I'm also doing a lot better I still struggle with my eating disorders and the warped thinking that comes with them from time to time but I haven't self harmed since last September so that's awesome! I'm reading again and doing an evening course so my concentration has massively improved. I'm doing bits of exercise aswell but still need to improve on that.

The main thing is I don't spend all day in bed anymore, I have a fairly regular sleeping pattern, I can leave my house without having panic attacks and I don't feel like I'm missing out on everything in life anymore.

I'm still on a fairly high dose of anti depressants but I'm cool with that. I need to stay stabilised for longer before they can be reduced. I'd be nowhere without the therapy I got or without the help of my family and friends. It's been a loooooooooooooooooong road and I'm not there yet but I'm closer than I ever have been. And fingers crossed for college in September - third time lucky I say!

EDIT: Oh, and I'm 21 too. Been suffering from some form of mental illness since I was about 13.

flyswatter

That's great that you're doing well Konata.

I had a panic attack a few weeks ago. First time in ages to be honest. They were all psychosis related.

I'm in the post psychotic comedown stage at the moment.

Everything was so much easier to deal with the medication. I'm not going on any again though.

I couldn't help staying in bed before although I would make a real effort to get up to go to the airport.

Thank feck I exercised and got out there to be honest cos I was eating too much in hospital.

My mind races a good bit. I'm fine though when I'm not tired.

I think my friends would be shocked if I told them I had a serious mental illness.

The topic of Schizophrenia comes up the odd time, kind of joking sometimes and serious. Kind of awkward. People don't understand it.

Do you have Bipolar Konata?

Konata

No, just severe depression. But also anorexia, bulimia and self harm at various points. The term "Borderline Personality Disorder" has been mentioned to me - it kinda encompasses and explains everything.

flyswatter

Konata wrote: »

No, just severe depression. But also anorexia, bulimia and self harm at various points. The term "Borderline Personality Disorder" has been mentioned to me - it kinda encompasses and explains everything.

Clinical depression yeah? I was friends with a guy who had that.

He was doing his best to work and do stuff but he was so depressed he couldn't get out of bed at home.

What did you do to make yourself sick?

degausserxo

Jaysus, think it was late May the last time I posted in this thread, so I may aswell give yous an update! (possible trigger warning for some of you, by the way.. bit bleak-sounding at first, but it gets better, promise!)

After being hospitalized last May, things really went downhill for me. Couldn't be left alone, couldn't go out by myself, had to be babysat all the time incase anything happened. My parents cancelled a three month holiday to look after me, but the guilt hit after a while and I begged them to go to Spain (they've an apartment there) for even a couple of weeks. It was around that time that I was pretty much drunk the entire day, just sitting in my room, or completely out of it on pills. Self harm was at an all time high. Hit the lowest point of my eating disorder (very recently diagnosed with bulimia, more on that in a while), was going five or six days without eating and vomiting seven or eight times a day to the point of blood. Lost a fair bit of weight, but I'd put on a LOT in previous months, so I was still fairly chub.

I had a psychiatrist's appointment in June. By that point I was taking a lot of different painkillers and sedatives, and turned up to the appointment pretty trashed. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder that day, was given a leaflet for Pieta House for the whole self harm bit, and sent on my merry way. I was told that under no circumstances was I to go back to school or college for at least a year. Got home, convinced that there was nothing wrong with me, ripped the leaflet into tiny pieces, threw out all of my medication. That night (I don't remember much, weirdly enough though I can recall exactly what and how much I took) I tried to kill myself. Don't remember much about being in hospital. I was out cold for two days. When I woke, I was still high as a kite, pulled wires and things out of my arms, pulled out the catheter. I was let out after a while anyway, and started going to Pieta House.

Bit anxious at first going there obviously, didn't know what to expect, but I am so, so glad that I went. Things went pretty smoothly until August. I physically fought someone in the street because I thought that they were after me. One night in particular, I was extremely suspicious and paranoid of my brother. Kept pushing and pushing at him to start a physical fight, and eventually I did. Ended up throwing hot water over him and burning his face. We haven't spoken since then, even though we still live together. Ended up purposely injuring myself pretty badly. That night, while pacing around the living room while my mam and sister were there, I began to hallucinate again, convinced that I saw two men in the garden trying to get in to get me. Sent to the hospital again. Injuries were stitched up, given more assessments, sent home after a day when I was out of it. Grand. Early September rolls around, and another attempt at my life. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That's where it ends.

I can honestly say that I would not be here if it weren't for Pieta House. I've kicked a ten year self harm problem with their help, and haven't engaged in it since October. Since that September I've been on mood stabilizers which have worked wonders in that I'm not aggressive or manic, or at least I haven't been for a good while now. Recently though, my concentration has been completely shattered (it's taken me quite a while to write this, actually), among other things, and my doctor thinks that it might be a relapse, although I'm not entirely sure. I've been put up to the max dose of my particular antidepressant though, just in case. The eating problem has recently come to a head, too, only because I'm terrified for my health - my stomach just does not work anymore. It flat out won't digest anything. My heartbeat is irregular. I've to get a bunch of tests done soon. But it's onwards and upwards from here. I'm hopefully returning to school this September; a fresh start is DEFINITELY in order. It's gonna be hard to get completely healthy again, by my god it'll be worth it.

flyswatter

degausserxo wrote: »

Jaysus, think it was late May the last time I posted in this thread, so I may aswell give yous an update! (possible trigger warning for some of you, by the way.. bit bleak-sounding at first, but it gets better, promise!)

After being hospitalized last May, things really went downhill for me. Couldn't be left alone, couldn't go out by myself, had to be babysat all the time incase anything happened. My parents cancelled a three month holiday to look after me, but the guilt hit after a while and I begged them to go to Spain (they've an apartment there) for even a couple of weeks. It was around that time that I was pretty much drunk the entire day, just sitting in my room, or completely out of it on pills. Self harm was at an all time high. Hit the lowest point of my eating disorder (very recently diagnosed with bulimia, more on that in a while), was going five or six days without eating and vomiting seven or eight times a day to the point of blood. Lost a fair bit of weight, but I'd put on a LOT in previous months, so I was still fairly chub.

I had a psychiatrist's appointment in June. By that point I was taking a lot of different painkillers and sedatives, and turned up to the appointment pretty trashed. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder that day, was given a leaflet for Pieta House for the whole self harm bit, and sent on my merry way. I was told that under no circumstances was I to go back to school or college for at least a year. Got home, convinced that there was nothing wrong with me, ripped the leaflet into tiny pieces, threw out all of my medication. That night (I don't remember much, weirdly enough though I can recall exactly what and how much I took) I tried to kill myself. Don't remember much about being in hospital. I was out cold for two days. When I woke, I was still high as a kite, pulled wires and things out of my arms, pulled out the catheter. I was let out after a while anyway, and started going to Pieta House.

Bit anxious at first going there obviously, didn't know what to expect, but I am so, so glad that I went. Things went pretty smoothly until August. I physically fought someone in the street because I thought that they were after me. One night in particular, I was extremely suspicious and paranoid of my brother. Kept pushing and pushing at him to start a physical fight, and eventually I did. Ended up throwing hot water over him and burning his face. We haven't spoken since then, even though we still live together. Ended up purposely injuring myself pretty badly. That night, while pacing around the living room while my mam and sister were there, I began to hallucinate again, convinced that I saw two men in the garden trying to get in to get me. Sent to the hospital again. Injuries were stitched up, given more assessments, sent home after a day when I was out of it. Grand. Early September rolls around, and another attempt at my life. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That's where it ends.

I can honestly say that I would not be here if it weren't for Pieta House. I've kicked a ten year self harm problem with their help, and haven't engaged in it since October. Since that September I've been on mood stabilizers which have worked wonders in that I'm not aggressive or manic, or at least I haven't been for a good while now. Recently though, my concentration has been completely shattered (it's taken me quite a while to write this, actually), among other things, and my doctor thinks that it might be a relapse, although I'm not entirely sure. I've been put up to the max dose of my particular antidepressant though, just in case. The eating problem has recently come to a head, too, only because I'm terrified for my health - my stomach just does not work anymore. It flat out won't digest anything. My heartbeat is irregular. I've to get a bunch of tests done soon. But it's onwards and upwards from here. I'm hopefully returning to school this September; a fresh start is DEFINITELY in order. It's gonna be hard to get completely healthy again, by my god it'll be worth it.

Sounds terrible. What were you diagnosed with? I convinced my parents to go away to Spain but my brother was at home so it was ok. They would have stayed if the doctor told them I was at risk. They took precautions though like leaving doors unlocked etc.

Have you heard of Clozapine? I wish I was put on it to be honest.

degausserxo

I was initially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but they topped it up with bipolar disorder. Apparently the two occur together quite a bit and are quite similar.. or something. I think a family member of mine was on clozapine actually. Why do you wish you were on it?

jumpguy

Best of luck degausser, I'm rooting for you to make a full recovery!

flyswatter

degausserxo wrote: »

I was initially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but they topped it up with bipolar disorder. Apparently the two occur together quite a bit and are quite similar.. or something. I think a family member of mine was on clozapine actually. Why do you wish you were on it?

If my blood type was right it completely clears up psychosis.

I was OCD first, obsessive thoughts, I was always on anti pyschotics and my GP knew that I was more than OCD from the start.

degausserxo

Danke schoen (:

vampire of kilmainham

KnifeWRENCH wrote: »

Yes, I have. It's not fun.
In my case it was only "mild" depression, so I can't even begin to imagine what serious depression is like. Have been prescribed Lexapro since November; it's only in the last few weeks that I've felt any noticeable improvement though.

It's a good topic to discuss; depression is one of things that has an unnecessary stigma attached to it. I understand people who have or who have had it may be reluctant to admit to it to people but personally I've no problem being honest and open about it. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

same here i have no problem telling people about my depression

flyswatter

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

same here i have no problem telling people about my depression

Fair play, that's the spirit!

jumpguy

Actually heard an ad on radio today questioning why suicide is such a taboo topic, I was kinda busy at the time of it and didn't pay much attention, assumedly it's government-sponsored somehow. Was good to see that, finally, encouragement of a change of attitude to mental health issues are actually gaining proper momentum.

vampire of kilmainham

a family member commited suicide a few years back he was 16 he never showed any signs of depression is there a form of hideen depression he allways acted like he was happy

Robby91

Have I heard had depression? I would say so, although it was very mild. I had consulted my GP about it mid-summer last year after a few weeks of just being miserable (between barely eating, not having the motivation to do anything at all and not even wanting to get out of bed) - his first thought was mild depression, possibly anorexia as well, although he did draw blood just to rule out other possibilities. After getting the results of the blood tests, he gave me the details for a counsellor and said that he wouldn't prescribe any medication as he felt it was a last resort if the counselling sessions weren't causing an improvement.

Went to the counsellor for a a few weeks. Annoyingly, the length of time I spent in counselling still bothers me a little bit - for some reason, I have this idea in my head that counselling is always a long-term thing (a number of months, at least) but, while I did find it helpful, I didn't feel as though more sessions beyond the 5 or 6 (I think) I had booked would be very beneficial - I suppose a lot of the burden was from carrying around all the negative thoughts, experiences and stress from secondary school and the two years I'd wasted in college doing a course, combined with the relief that there were options availabe for getting back into education - even if it would take that bit longer to get where I wanted to be.

I can't say I'm entirely rid of it - I still have my [infrequent] moments and trying to cope with social anxiety [not a doctor's diagnosis, just what it seems like to me], although I don't know if that is/was caused by the depression or just worsened from it - but I can say that things have definitely improved over the last year. Although, the one thing I've noticed is that (in my case, at least, although I would hope that it applies to others) just talking about it - whether it be over a number of sessions with a counsellor or just saying "Yeah, some bad sh!t has happened at some point in my life", it feels immensely relieving just to get it off your chest rather than let it tear you up on the inside. Even now, saying it in anonymity, it feels good to know that I'm regaining control over myself, and my mind.

Grindylow

Best of luck with the recovery Degausser Hope it all works out perfectly for you!

My family pretty much kept my brothers depression/etc until 4 weeks ago (Around/about that anyway..). That was when he attempted suicide but he'd tried it twice or something like that. I didn't know much was going on like, but yeah he'd been seeing a psychologist with years or shizz.. I'm still not sure what's wrong with him because I don't want to ask, but he seems ok now.. But then again he always seemed ok to me, so I'm not sure! But yeeeeeeah..

flyswatter

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

a family member commited suicide a few years back he was 16 he never showed any signs of depression is there a form of hideen depression he allways acted like he was happy

He just bottled it up I'd say until it got too much.

Happens mostly in men, that's why more men commit suicide.

SarcasticFairy

*emerges from boards darkness*

Have ye heard about See Change's Make A Ripple campaign? If someone's already mentioned it, I do apologise, but I'll explain it anyway in case they haven't! The idea is that you share your experience of mental illness and/or the stigma that's attached to that, or your experience of a friend's/relative's illness, and tell your story, in 100 words or less. You can attach your name to it (so as far as I know, it'd be like "Aoife's story") or you can remain anonymous. They're going to put all of these stories up on the Make A Ripple website, and others can then start to contribute their stories, the idea being that the more people talk about it, the more the stigma is reduced or at the very least, someone in the depths of some mental illness can read it and feel less alone, and/or more normal.

Seeing as some of you are openly talking about experiences of mental illness here, why not share it? If you're interested, you just email Mark Byrne at mbyrne@seechange.ie If you want more information, it's all there on the website http://seechange.ie/index.php/make-a-ripple. The website doesn't lauch til May... 4th, I think, so you've probably still got time to get them in for the launch, if not (or if you'd prefer not to email that guy at all), you can definitely post them once the site has launched!

(If this reads like an ad/as spam, that's not how it's meant. I just thought some of you would be interested )

Seren_

Yeah I emailed him about that last week! He said to have the piece in before last Wednesday but I was unbelievably busy last week and forgot about it -_- It's a really great idea for a campaign!

IHeartChemistry

Never knew this thread existed. My story is yes, I have suffered from depression since the fine old age of 14. Well got diagnosed at 14 after a pretty serious suicide attempt. Got put on Prozac on and off for 3 years. Used to self harm pretty badly. Had a few more attempts between the ages of 14 and 17. Thanks be to f*ck I snapped out of it.

It's been a year since I've taken my last batch of meds and I'm delighted I got a prescription in November for em but decided against taking them and that was the best decision of my life. Decided I wasnt gonna let it control me anymore.

I was told I had major depression that occurs in episodes. Was pretty horrific tbh. I did some things I was never proud of but at the same stage it was an excellent learning curve for me. I found out who I was by recovering and I found out my true friends. (I have to thank SarahBeep! for being excellent supporting me through it as well Seriously, she saved my life on more than one occasion.)

While I was recovering (about a year after I tried my attempt) my best friend hung herself. Highly traumatic for all of us, especially me as her and I were f*cked up together. Whats worse was she made national news over it.

To anyone suffering out there, trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just make sure you've a strong support network and the will to drag yourself out of it. I let it control me for too long because I felt safe having it. Now, my life is almost perfect. I have a fantastic group of friends to whom I love dearly, an amazing boyfriend who's gonna support me, the best parents in the world who mainly helped me recover and I have a great life in college.

I'm now healthy, happy and recovered but yet there is no promise I wont relapse. But heres to hoping I wont! At the fine old age of 18, I can now look back and laugh at my mistakes and my depression. Wasn't funny at the time but hell, it's a great learning curve as long as you can pull yourself out of it. Just don't let it define you and take over you and control you. I nearly died and if I hadnt been caught I can promise you I wouldnt be here today.

Remember, if you are depressed, get help asap. Life can never be so bad that you need to end it. I learned that the hard way. The road to recovery is long, but its well worth it if you can learn to love and feel human again.

Now I'm gonna stop rambling as I could go on for forever on this topic

Gi joe!

I suffered from a mild depression through all of 6th year and my first year in college. It seemed to come to a head with a close member of my family having a psychotic episode and ending up in hospital for a few months, that obviously had a profound effect on my life. What should have been one of the best years of my life was without a doubt the worst.

The most annoying thing was that I never fully understood what was happening. I simply lost interest in social activities, gave up playing sport, put on weight. Friends didn't know what was going on, and as is unfortunately the case with being a male in this country, there's a tendency to just bottle it all up.

Luckily my family eventually could tell something wasn't right and since last year I've been seeing a therapist. Since last year I have made a lot of progress and am starting to feel positive about life and the future.:)

Negativity was a huge part of my depression, I stopped trying in nearly everything important to me because I just couldn't see a positive result. It infuriates me thinking of all the experiences that I missed from being a coward, so I'm using that rage to push myself in every aspect of my life.

Excedion

Yeah. I was diagnosed with "primary depression" as the doctor termed it. Had been dealing with it for 4 years before i was diagnosed. Still pops its head up at times but i try to exercise regularly which i find helps a lot. The treatment options were honestly bollocks, heavy antidepressants, a trip to a "facility" or councilling. When people are confronted with those options just like me they go for the least ****ing scary one. Wish i hadve went for the antidepressants because councilling is absolute bollocks

Ginja Ninja

Seeing as some of you are openly talking about experiences of mental illness here, why not share it? If you're interested, you just email Mark Byrne at mbyrne@seechange.ie If you want more information, it's all there on the website http://seechange.ie/index.php/make-a-ripple. The website doesn't lauch til May... 4th, I think, so you've probably still got time to get them in for the launch, if not (or if you'd prefer not to email that guy at all), you can definitely post them once the site has launched!

(If this reads like an ad/as spam, that's not how it's meant. I just thought some of you would be interested )

I got this info from the same place SarcFair did so it's definitely not a scam or anything and a really good cause.I've my story sent in, not sure if it was what they were looking for or not,but I'm glad to help.

Well,My experiences are fairly documented in this thread.I can honestly say that right now is the happiest I have ever been in my life,ever.It's one of the main reasons I was so active on boards was people I could share my problems with and I could maybe help with theirs.
It's only now I'm realising how truly depressed I was,I knew it was serious as I've lost most of my family to suicide but I always had a small feeling it was only in my head or I felt it was worse than it was,that's one of the reasons I never said anything.
After getting more informed I see how dangerous my situation was,I was one of those silent cases you hear of;seemed relatively happy on the outside,I can remember keeping myself away from all the things people have mentioned;Self harm,drug abuse.Not to pass any judgement on those things,but I thought it was too easy,there was too much chance someone would notice if I presented symptoms,it was a conscious choice for fear someone would help me.In a sick kind of way I was afraid of being helped,I didn't deserve it,I wasn't worth being helped.
I lived with suicidal thoughts for months,for an entire summer it took hours to get out of bed,I'd sleep only a few hours and wake up around 6,I'd spend 4 hours telling my self there was no point getting out of bed.I had the whole thing planned out;I wasn't going to take any chances with pills or anything,drowning in a lake miles from a road was for me,no chance I'd be found.But I never did it,a combination of wonderful people here on boards,a fear of destroying my family after all they've been through[I would have made suicide #4] and the thought of death being an escape from these horrible feelings,i deserved to sit in misery not to get away from it at all.This carried on for most of the last 6 years.
It's a miracle I could never man up and actually do it,but I never did.
I'm glad I didn't though.I used to say people should hold on that everything would get better,but I never really believed it.
Now,I'm in college doing a degree I love and have met the girl of my dreams.Please,don't lose hope and thing always turn out well in time.I've experienced some horrible things in my life and came out the other side.
Problems are only as big as you think they are.
-Alan
As always,I'm just a PM away if anyone needs me