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Have you ever had depression?

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭flyswatter


    Also recently, there has been a bit of a slip with me. I'm ok when I relax but I've been trying to do everything and am stressing out, exams coming up soon aren't helping. I've been assured I don't need medication though. Just need to practice the techniques I've learnt.

    My mind is racing but the exams finishing should be a release.

    Lack of sleep too, on every other night. It doesn't help when I'm trying to push everything.

    I'd say it's a hectic time for most C&Hers though right?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,426 ✭✭✭Arcade Panda




  • Registered Users Posts: 6,659 ✭✭✭unknown13


    Saw this link about how Alan Quinlan and his battle with depression on the AHEAD facebook. Thought it would go well here since he is a pretty famous rugby player.

    Alan Quinlan and his battle with depression


  • Registered Users Posts: 271 ✭✭Gi joe!


    It can't be understated just how important it is to keep busy, no matter what it is you're doing. As soon as I have too much idle time the racing thoughts and anxiety start to rear their ugly heads. Being unemployed is a huge part of this, and why I believe depression has gone up so much in the last few years.

    Things as simple as meeting up with friends or going to the cinema do a world of good! Simply for the fact that my mind is occupied and that little negative voice in your head goes away for a while.

    Although with most of my mates heading away this summer it's going to be tough to keep as busy as I should be.:(


  • Registered Users Posts: 38 Joonaspp


    Nope. I am a very happy and positive person.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    I had a mini freak out over the weekend and ended up scrambling my boards/facebook again. I sent a very frantic and very detailed PM to someone (which probably wasn't the best idea) and am seemingly doing everything possible to sabotage a friendship with someone else.

    I seem to try and make people hate me. I don't know why I do that. :(

    Anyway, I had a very productive discussion with my counsellor today and am actually feeling quite good. I also think I know what I want to do with my life; I completely did the wrong course in college and it will cost lots to do something else but if it'll make me happy I guess I should pursue it.

    tl;dr - things could be worse, I just need to stop being so melodramatic and paranoid about the whole world being out to get me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,756 ✭✭✭IHeartChemistry


    So I've been staying strong up until this point when a friend pointed something out to me. My episodes are caused by fear and the need to be wanted and loved. I attach myself onto people and try make them happy and don't think of the bad outcomes. So when they do hurt me I drop and become ill again. The need to be wanted and the fear of being rejected drive me to hurting myself. I just had a dream that scared the crap out of me :(

    So much for being strong and not cracking up. I'd just like to know what causes all this and why it's my head that has to suffer. Why do I have to get sick and be hurt and have it come out of realising what I am?

    Right now I'm gettin scared and want the medication. It's either that or know I'll get hurt and handle the stress badly when it does come. I crack up when my life isnt perfect. I crack up when I know eventually everybody will hurt me.

    My strength levels have suddenly dropped and I hate it. I hate feeling like hell. :(


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,890 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    This is one to make people think:



  • Registered Users Posts: 15,183 ✭✭✭✭Atavan-Halen


    *Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

    I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

    I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.


  • Registered Users Posts: 600 ✭✭✭Mollikins


    *Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

    I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

    I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.

    *Hugs* atavan. :( Well done for posting here. It’s hard to acknowledge and admit you aren’t coping but it’s the first step towards getting better.

    I can relate to a lot of what you said. I once tried to talk to my Mam about how I was feeling and she just brushed it under the carpet as well. It hurts to sum up the courage and say it only for that person to turn their back on you. A lot of people, especially people from our parent’s generation, are undereducated and wary about anti-depressants. You’re under a lot of pressure at the moment with your LC coming up soon and trying to cope with panic attacks and binge eating too is bound to take it’s toll on you. It’s horrible you don’t have the support you need from your Mam but I do think it’s really important for you to go to your doctor. It’s incredibly hard to go in and admit how you’re feeling the first time. It’s almost like, if you say it out loud it becomes real and you can’t hide from it anymore. No matter what you may think at the moment, you don’t deserve to feel like this. At the worst of times it’s really hard to believe that things can get better but they really can and will.

    If you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me. :) I’ve been having a tough time lately and almost given up a couple of times so I’m not sure if I’ll be any good to you but sometimes just typing out how you feel and having someone actually listen to you can make a world of difference.

    Hope things improve for you soon and you start to feel better soon. :)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    *Deep breath* Ok, this is not something I really like to talk about (especially since I know some of you quite well in real life) but reading through this thread and seeing some of you talk about very personal experiences has given me the courage to speak out. Depression is something that has and currently is affecting me a lot. Maybe by getting things off my chest it'll help.

    I know this might sound selfish or whingey but I haven't exactly had the easiest times in life and due to a few things happening recently I've just been feeling unbelievably low. It mightn't seem like that to people on the outside but it's easy to put on a brave face and a smile. I think I've always had some sort of depression but due to things that have happened in my life I've never really had the chance to let it out. I've always had to try be strong and carry on but there's only so much a person can take. I think everythings finally catching up on me and I'm just not in a good place at the moment. I feel worthless and that my life is just sinking into a black hole and there's nothing I can do about it. I've hurt and broken relationships and friendships with the ones closest to me and that makes me feel worse. I don't think I'll ever be able to repair them. I've been having panic attacks recently and I just can't bring myself to go to school anymore. I've got my leaving cert in June but it doesn't matter at all to me. Lately I've been binge eating a lot, but that doesn't help. I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.

    I just don't know how to deal with this. No one understands that I can have a break down too. Everyone just expects me to be strong and be fine because I have been in the past. I don't know, I just feel I need to get it all out there in the open. I think I'll have to make an appointment with my doctor for next week. I really don't want to feel so low anymore.
    Definitely go talk to your doctor atavan-halen; it helps to get what you're feeling off your chest, because then you know that you have someone else to help you through it. And if your doctor isn't very helpful (sometimes they mightn't be), try as many as you can until you find someone you feel comfortable with. It will all be okay in the end. Just have a look through this thread and see how many of us there are who have gone through what you are right now and come out the other side. It's not easy, but you can do it!


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,965 ✭✭✭SarahBeep!


    My doctor is really really nice, I even went to him by accident. It's luck of the draw. Look for one with a cool name. My doctor is Dr.Cullen...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    I came out and told my mam recently about what I've been feeling but she doesn't want me to go get help in case I'm put on anti depressants. But I definitely want to go see someone about this. I was feeling a bit better today but I've had another fight with my mam and I feel I'm just back at rock bottom again.
    Definitely go to the doctor. I'm sure your Mam is just trying to look out for you but parents who haven't had experience with this kind of thing often don't know how to handle it best.
    At the end of the day, you're like 18 or 19 right? Anyway you're an adult and are capable of making your own decisions with regard to your health. Seeing a doctor is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Good luck! :)
    I had a mini freak out over the weekend and ended up scrambling my boards/facebook again. I sent a very frantic and very detailed PM to someone (which probably wasn't the best idea) and am seemingly doing everything possible to sabotage a friendship with someone else.

    So yeah....that mini freak out was actually a complete and utter meltdown. I tried hurting myself but wasn't able to do so. It took a few hours of sheer hell for me to realise how difficult I'd made life for myself and how it all needed to change.

    One week later.....I am actually quite optimistic (perhaps naively so.) I think I've turned a corner where I'm actually READY to get better and am not holding myself back anymore.

    For the past few months, I basically thought I was the worst person in the world. I didn't deserve to get better, therefore I never would. I had to stay depressed forever, otherwise I wouldn't be me. For some reason, those thoughts have just evaporated after what happened last weekend. And they could very well resurface again at some point, but for now I'm actually happy with most things. I'm less anxious about the future than I was before. There are still a few relationships in my life that I need to work on and try and improve, but I've realised that sitting back and letting life take it's own course is better than trying to force an issue and making matters worse by being too aggressive with people.

    Eugh, I'm rambling. I need to stop posting here so often; I should never have deleted my blog! It would spare you all from having to read this! :p

    tl;dr version - life is still kinda shít sometimes. But it's slowly getting better. w00t! \o/


  • Registered Users Posts: 747 ✭✭✭skyscraperblue


    Ok, so I don't normally talk about this because most of my friends don't know the whole story and would be horrified, but I think it'd do me some good to talk about it so here goes.
    *deep breath*
    Depression is something I dealt with pretty deeply for a long time (6 and a half years), from a very young age. I went through some really low times, so many days of going to school and going out with friends and smiling and laughing, and then coming home and sitting staring at a knife wondering if anyone would actually care. I've never been one of those people that can just come out and talk about feeling down - I was a self harmer for awhile but you'd never know now because I was so careful not to leave permanent marks - and I think that added to it so much because as soon as I finally cracked and started talking about it with people (not in my own circle. mainly through Samaritans...) I felt the weight lifting. It took another year and a half but I'm feeling so much better, I feel like although I might not be at the perfect place in life, that place is finally within reach. I have those bad days and I think there's always going to be that voice at the back of my head that suggests suicide when things get rough but I'm strong enough to push it down now.
    I think maybe everybody's a little bit messed up somehow. I haven't been through anything really when compared to other people, but it's been enough to leave me confused and lonely and depressed. I still have my flaws and my issues and I fight them everyday but the difference is now I can fight them. I don't let them control me anymore.

    Sorry that was so long/whiney/boring. :) Like I said, I don't talk about this IRL and most of my friends haven't a clue about any of it, so it's nice when there's people who get it that I can talk to. :o


  • Registered Users Posts: 711 ✭✭✭ihavequestions


    I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
    I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,625 ✭✭✭flyswatter


    I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
    I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!

    That's a dangerous situation. If they deny that and don't open up when they are feeling that low the consequences could be bad.

    If they are having regular suicidal thoughts that to me is both unhappiness and depression. If suicidal thoughts are prevalant then that person isn't just feeling down, they need help.

    If they keep saying everything is ok when it clearly is not and keep the feelings to themselves, refusing therapy and treatment then the situation is only going to get worse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    UCC have just started a peer support programme where students who have experienced mental health problems are trained as peer support leaders so they can help other students going through similar stuff:

    http://www.ucc.ie/en/pass/genio/

    Sounds like a great idea but for purely selfish reasons I'm pissed off that it's starting the same year I'm leaving UCC. This was something I could have applied for, and I really think I could have been good at. So many people have helped me with shít over the past year, and I feel like I've given nothing back to anyone. :(

    Oh well, hopefully it'll work out well anyway.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,810 ✭✭✭Seren_


    ^^ That is a really cool idea! I'm secretary of the mental health society in NUIM, so might say it to the rest of the committee and see could we try and get something like that set up here too :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,361 ✭✭✭bythewoods


    UCC have just started a peer support programme where students who have experienced mental health problems are trained as peer support leaders so they can help other students going through similar stuff:

    http://www.ucc.ie/en/pass/genio/

    Sounds like a great idea but for purely selfish reasons I'm pissed off that it's starting the same year I'm leaving UCC. This was something I could have applied for, and I really think I could have been good at. So many people have helped me with shít over the past year, and I feel like I've given nothing back to anyone. :(

    Oh well, hopefully it'll work out well anyway.

    There's a similar society in Trinity called Student2Student. I think it's brilliant! I was a peer mentor last year, and will be one again next year. It's a really great programme.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,426 ✭✭✭Arcade Panda


    My best friend in college suffers from bullimia and depression.

    I'm the only out of our friends that knows. I think her boyfriend, her best friend from home and I are the only people apart from her actual family who know. I just worry about her so much. She never talks to me about itever(well obviously apart from the time that she told me she had it). And to be honest, and this is going to sound awful, but a part of me doesn't want her to talk about it. Because I just don't know what I'm going to say to her. I can't say "I know how you feel" or "trust me, it gets better" because I've never been that depressed and I've never had an eating disorder. I feel so ****ing helpless. And she appears to be this amazingly together person you know? She's exceptionally smart, really talented and like incrediblelooking. When I found out she was sick I literally cried all weekend because it actually physically hurt me to find out she was so sick and I never knew.

    But I know we're going to talk about it soon. She text me the other day, the day she officially got discharged from hospital, and she's coming out and we're obviously going to talk about it. So what do I say? I don't want to make a mistake because I'm afraid if I say something stupid and insensitive she'll never open up to me again.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 15,183 ✭✭✭✭Atavan-Halen


    Really sorry to hear about your friend AP. I think that if you just say to her and show her that you're always there to talk to whenever and just being supportive and helpful she might open up to you a bit more. I know for me it was good to know that there is someone there to talk to and that I know I can talk to in confidence and private. I know everyones different and all but that's just my opintion. I know you probably feel helpless but you can be surprised that even being a ear to listen can go a long way. Is she getting any professional help at the moment?

    Also, just going to give an update on me while I think of it! So I did go to the doctor about a week after I posted here. I talked to her, explained everything I was going through and it was good to get it all out in the open for a while. She prescribed me an anti-depressant just short term for a month and then I've to go back to her to talk about some counselling or something. TBH the idea of counselling scares me a bit! It just feels a bit daunting or something but if I do feel any worse I'll definitely consider it. Finished the anti-depressants a couple of days ago and have been feeling ok for the most part. The odd day of feeling pretty down but not as bad as I was. Finishing the leaving cert also took a lot of pressure off. Just kind of seeing how I get on on my own again for a while and then kind of take things from there. My doctor was really nice and supportive and would have no hesitation in going back if anything does arise again. So yeah, feeling better for the most part and feeling more positive these days :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,986 ✭✭✭Craguls




  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,756 ✭✭✭IHeartChemistry


    Craguls wrote: »

    Fair bloody fucks to her. She's one brave girl. And 100% right. The psych services in this country are awful.


  • Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭Ironman76


    I had depression back in 2000-2002. Quite a scary time looking back. I kinda felt like my life was over and all the good times etc were gone. Everything around me was a blur. I was downing Jack Daniels every night just to sleep. Suicide was on my mind all day. I remember looking on Google for the easiest way to kill oneself etc etc. Even typing this I cant believe its me Im talking about.

    One day (late 2002) my boss called me into the office for a quick "chat" and said my work has gone to sh*t and was there anything she could do to help so I just told her everything. Was in there for about 2.5 hours in the end. She was extremely supportive and cut my work load and told me she would chat with me regularly to see how Im feeling etc. That support was the foundation I needed to get my sh*t together. A couple of work mates copped what was going on and were really cool too (friends to this day).

    Went out and bought myself a bass assed motorbike I always wanted, started hitting the gym four times a week and training my arse off and started ringing friends etc instead of sitting back waiting for them to ring me etc etc. Started being more pro active etc. Joined a football team, took up guitar, basically doing things I only ever "talked" about before.

    It pains me to think theres people out there going through something similar and not saying anything to anyone. I often wonder what would have happened had I not said anything to my boss?

    Depression = Cancer of the soul.


  • Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭Ironman76


    I was thinking last night before I fell asleep and was wondering about a few things. Say there is a person who hates themself and their life, has suicidal thoughts nearly everyday, may even have attempted suicide and self harms. But this person hides all these feelings from other people, acts happy , would never ask for help and if someway someone found out and sent them to a doctor they would never talk about the severity of their thoughts and feelings, and therefore doesn't get diagnosed with depression. Would this person actually be depressed or just really unhappy with the way their life is now? Like I know the symptoms of depression are hard to hide at times and a person suffering from depression may find it hard to get up everyday, but can a person only be depressed if actually diagnosed? What if a person like I described goes to the doctor and they said the person doesn't need medication because they are ashamed to admit to their true feelings and admit they want help, is this person not truely suffering from depression because they don't take the opportunity to get help so they really must not be suffering that much?
    I proberaly don't make much sense in this post but I was just thinking about these things after reading a book. Sorry if I'm being ignorant!

    The way I look at it is if a person has cancer but doesnt know it and doesnt get it diagnosed does it mean they dont have cancer?

    I think depression is something that could be dealt with in schools instead of some of the nonsense being taught to kids.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,316 ✭✭✭✭amacachi


    One thing I'll say about that letter to the Minister is that I don't want to see all focus going on young people at the cost of other groups because the Mental Health services are terrible for everyone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,164 ✭✭✭Konata


    This week is Suicide Awareness Week. As someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts and even ended up in hospital after accidentally overdosing, this is a subject close to my heart. Luckily, I'm infinitely better these days and am eternally grateful that I'm alive. I share my story of depression, eating disorders and self harm so that other people might believe that there is hope. No matter how bad things are, there is hope of a better future. I'm living proof that mental illness can be defeated, or at the very least, controlled. I know I'm only one person but if I can make someone else feel a bit better, then it's worth it.

    The figures for suicide in Ireland are scary. Pieta House reported a 40% increase in the number of people coming to them for help in the first six months of the year. Mental illness is a growing problem and it's not going to disappear any time soon. According to Pieta House, 486 people - 386 men and 100 women - died by suicide in Ireland last year. 486 people. That's a lot of people who could possibly still be alive with the right help and support. It's a tragic figure.

    So keep an open eye. Chances are there is someone you know who is suffering from some form of mental illness. Be aware of your family and friends and how they act. Talk to them. Ask them if you can help. If the situation feels not of control, get professional help. Often though, it can help a sufferer by just having someone to talk to, someone who doesn't judge.

    There's always been a stigma surrounding mental health but these days more and more people are standing up and saying "Yes, I have depression" or "I've self-harmed in the past" and generally being open about their struggles. These sort of actions aren't easy but can be incredibly helpful but for the sufferer, other sufferers and society in general. So don't be scared of speaking out or of asking for help. You can get better.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,756 ✭✭✭IHeartChemistry


    So...GAD and depression = Ais on Lexapro. Been having meltdowns all over the place :( It actually sucks. I'm getting panic attacks leaving the house now. Yesterday I went to town for coffee, ended up leaving with a huge panic attack and got so flustered and scrambled and did not make any sense. I dont have any clue where it came from. The feeling sick and wanting to hurt myself all the time...it has to stop but I'm so afraid. And immature.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    Strange how this thread got bumped recently as I was thinking about it not so long ago myself. Life's been pretty damn good for the past couple of months, yet even as recently as May I felt like things were never going to get better. I kinda had a "meltdown moment" one night in May (it was the night of Eurovision, which is the bizarre connection I have to remember it!) and maybe that was a turning point. I also had my medication changed and that seems to have given me a boost too. Since then, things have gotten better and better and reading back over some of my previous posts here it's hard to believe that they came from me.

    Things are actually looking pretty good now, whereas it's not so long ago that they didn't look like they were ever gonna get better.

    So I'm gonna echo a lot of what Konata said, and even though I'm very lucky never to have experienced some of the stuff she has mentioned I can definitely appreciate where she's coming from. Things can get better, and the easiest way to try and help things get better for people is to be as open as possible about mental illness and get rid of the stigma that has surrounded it for so long.
    So...GAD and depression = Ais on Lexapro. Been having meltdowns all over the place :( It actually sucks. I'm getting panic attacks leaving the house now. Yesterday I went to town for coffee, ended up leaving with a huge panic attack and got so flustered and scrambled and did not make any sense. I dont have any clue where it came from. The feeling sick and wanting to hurt myself all the time...it has to stop but I'm so afraid. And immature.

    This has nothing to do with immaturity. It would be immature if you dismissed all this and just tried to ignore it, but acknowledging it and realising that it's an issue and getting help for it is the most mature thing you can do. Fingers crossed you'll be able to figure out where the panic attacks from.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 71 ✭✭paulac


    Hey guys,

    Thought I'd add to this. I self harmed from around the age 14 to 20 and also had depression on and off for years. Lots of stuff going on though:
    1. Mam had cancer from 13 and died at 18- I'm lucky I got to hold her hand as she passed away
    2. I didn't go to school- rebelling but I stayed up till crazy hours studying!
    3. I had extreme pain in my hand for about 10 years and was basically told I was making it up by doctors. They said it was pyschosomatic and prescribed anti-depressants. Only 4 years ago I got a surgeon who operated and found a rare tumor. Tumor gone- pain gone! Grrrrrr but was so so happy!
    4. My family totally fell apart after my mam died and I was the 'piggy in the middle'. Had a breakdown at 20 and basically told everyone to back off and take responsibility for their own crap.

    Despite that, I still managed to get myself through school and through college. Went to a counsellor in colllege who was a great help and then I worked with life coaches. Getting to know myself, my beliefs and values was really hard but so wonderful. I didn't like myself even though I loved myself! I disliked conflict and I took on far too much. I didn't set boundaries with family and friends and and I allowed people to treat me in ways that I didn't like. As soon as I could see things clearly, I was able to take control and change things.

    I've been working on me for years and studying people and now I'm 27 and am happier than I've ever been! I set up as a life coach and am working with people in their twenties (quarter-life crisis) and I love it so much because I know how it feels when you're in your twenties and feel 'stuck' and thinking there's nothing you can do about it. I'm even grateful for all the heartache and difficult circumstances because it helped to shape me into the person I am today!

    Did a skydive from 13,000ft yesterday! So thrilling!!


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