Plus ones

oxegen85

hi,

I was just wondering that if a good few guests dont have partners or whatever do you have to have plus ones??

Would it look bad if you didnt invite a plus one as that person would bring at least 1 person they know to a wedding where they mightnt know most of the wedding group.

Thanks

Ickle Magoo

We didn't invite anyone alone, they all got invites with their name "and guest". I don't think it's important that their guest doesn't know the wedding party, I think if you are going to have a dance or have couples seated at tables together, it's not fair to deliberately ask people to come alone.

I guess, it also depends on how well you know the guest and whether they would be genuinely happy to come alone.

justplainme

I think it all depends on the situation of the "alone" guest. Will he/she know many at the wedding? If he/she will I don't think you necessarily need to invite a guest with him/her.
If he/she won't know many (just maybe you or groom) then I think it would be important to invite a plus one if you want to encourage that person to come.
Also depends on the alone person - if he/she is shy or finds it hard to mingle they'll definetly want a guest with them if they are to go. However, some people can walk into a room without having ever met anyone in the room & leave having formed new friendships.
Hard call really I guess.

hunnymonster

I've gone to a couple of weddings alone (including some where I knew a lot of people) and I never felt comfortable. When it came to us writing a guest list, we decided to give everyone a plus one even though it bumps the price up a lot. Some people, particularly family members, may still come alone but I didn't want to force them into that situation. That said, it's your wedding, do whatever you want. People always have different opinions but in 30 years time, you'll hopefully look back and remember the day you wanted not a huge compromise.

antiskeptic

The singles (of which there were about 10) we invited alone. There were also a few folk who were known via work (who knew each other) who were invited without spouses, simply because it was either without spouses or not at all numbers-wise. They didn't mind at all - recognising the dilemma.

pwalshy

We're having a similar discussion on plus ones at the moment. We're trying to keep our numbers down as it is and (I know this sounds bad) but I don't want people at the wedding who don't know us! Our parents threw us an engagement party and his mum invited all her pals (many of whom knew neither of us)

I've already had the discussion with her that its family and our friends only at the wedding and I do feel the same about plus ones. It probably is hugely selfish on our part but we want to share our special day with the people who know and love us only!

Just my tuppence!

oxegen85

pwalshy wrote: »

We're having a similar discussion on plus ones at the moment. We're trying to keep our numbers down as it is and (I know this sounds bad) but I don't want people at the wedding who don't know us! Our parents threw us an engagement party and his mum invited all her pals (many of whom knew neither of us)

I've already had the discussion with her that its family and our friends only at the wedding and I do feel the same about plus ones. It probably is hugely selfish on our part but we want to share our special day with the people who know and love us only!

Just my tuppence!

Yeah like we are half thinking like that but then on the other side if that person doesnt know many people there he would have a better time and feel better if he had someone with him that he/she knows and can have a laugh with

pwalshy

oxegen85 wrote: »

Yeah like we are half thinking like that but then on the other side if that person doesnt know many people there he would have a better time and feel better if he had someone with him that he/she knows and can have a laugh with

I know what you mean, its a tough call. We've only started planning stage and TBH I completely underestimated what a balancing act this whole malarky is!! Half considering eloping and than just throwing a monster party on our return and inviting everyone and their mother to that!!

time42play

The only wedding I was invited to on my own I wasn't bothered (understand the cost issues) but chose not to attend alone. I did send a gift anyway as both were friends.

Nasty_Girl

Uhm this is a tough one and it really depends on your group.
I invited "plus ones" for friends who were travelling a great distance.
Some of them brought them some of them didn't.
Most of our cousins were single and I never even thought of asking them did they want to bring someone !!
I'm a terrible cousin.

Toots

We're not doing plus ones, we had considered it, but then when we were looking at numbers the extra cost of plus ones was quite a lot (our meal is about €50 per head including drink, so it was looking like almost a grand extra). We also agreed we don't want people who we don't know at our wedding. Luckily anyone who we're inviting who is single will know people there, so I don't think we'll run into problems.

How Strange

We mulled over this one ourselves a couple of months ago when we were doing our guest list.

One part of me thought I didn't want to do plus one for all the single people because that's pushing the numbers up to well beyond what we wanted.

On the other hand I remember being invited to weddings while I was perpetually single and I would've been slightly miffed if I'd have been invited on my own. I never actually brought anyone to a wedding with me but it's the gesture of being treated like an equal to the couples that counted imo. Also, how did these people know, especially cousins or acquaintances that I probably hadn't seen for a while, that I wasn't in a new relationship.

I always considered it presumptous and a little unfair to the single person.

For that reason we invited everyone single plus one to ours. Most people are coming on their own anyway so we've automatically knocked about 30 people off the list.

However, that's just my opinion and I definitely agree that writing up the guest list is stressful. We had a few arguments over it getting out of control but we've got most of our numbers in now and we're back to between 90-100 out of 136 invites which is what we wanted all along.

hunnymonster

How Strange wrote: »

For that reason we invited everyone single plus one to ours. Most people are coming on their own anyway so we've automatically knocked about 30 people off the list.

That's interesting to know. I've just sent our invites out this morning and had no idea if the singles guests were likely to take a plus one or not.

How Strange

hunnymonster wrote: »

That's interesting to know. I've just sent our invites out this morning and had no idea if the singles guests were likely to take a plus one or not.

Yep, we were suprised and relieved ; we have quite a few single friends who all know each other so I suppose it's fine for them to go by themselves. It's just like a normal night out really.

One or two older single people (50-60's) accepted and said they would be bringing a guest but that's probably a generational thing. My mam's cousin who's single asked my mam to go to a wedding with her last year because she didn't want to go on her own.

Barracudaincork

Dont use the excuse of not knowing your single persons plus one as a reason for not inviting them, as chances are you mightnt know your coupled up persons plus one either.

If you are going to invite friends who have a partner then its only fair you invite the plus ones of the singletons, treat everyone alike.

SeekUp

pwalshy wrote: »

We're trying to keep our numbers down as it is and (I know this sounds bad) but I don't want people at the wedding who don't know us!

I don't think it sounds bad at all. If you can afford to have all of the singles do a +1 regardless of the circumstances, then that's great, the more the merrier. But as most of us can attest, the numbers go up really quickly when you start adding people.

The single people who we are inviting are either family members or know at least one group of friends that we're inviting -- so there won't be anyone who won't know anyone else. We weren't going to invite anyone just for the sake of it, or invite someone 'and guest' in order for them to bring their friend along. (Side note: at the last wedding we attended, one of the groomsman -- who grew up with the groom and knew a lot of the other groomsmen -- had a woman fly up to attend the wedding with him, and they live about a 3-4 hour flight from where the wedding took place. She seemed nice, and we were chatting to her while waiting for the reception to start. We asked how long they'd been dating, and she said, "well, actually this is kind of our first date." We weren't really sure what to say after that!)

Our policy is that if you're in a long-term relationship at the time we send out invitations, of course we're going to invite your +1 (and they're not going to be an 'and guest', as we would more than likely know the +1, or at least know OF them). If you're single and you know people there, then who cares that you didn't come with someone? (In fact, you might leave with someone! )

pwalshy

SeekUp wrote: »

who cares that you didn't come with someone? (In fact, you might leave with someone! )

Brilliant!! This is EXACTLY what I'll be telling my single friends!!

Barracudaincork

pwalshy wrote: »

Brilliant!! This is EXACTLY what I'll be telling my single friends!!

Oh how quickly people forget what it feels like to be single! Might as well add plenty more fish in the sea in there too while you are at it.

Treat your single friends how you would want any of your coupled up friends to treat you if you are single. Let the single person decide if they want to bring someone, either that or dont invite the partner of your friends either, just invite your friends and no partners or invite everyone.

SeekUp

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Oh how quickly people forget what it feels like to be single! Might as well add plenty more fish in the sea in there too while you are at it.

That was meant as a kind of halfhearted joke

Yes, I remember going to weddings single. Was it the most romantic thing ever? No. Did I drink and dance and have a good time? Yes. I mean, I hear what you're saying, to treat singles and couples equally, and that seems fair. But it's not a house party where you tell everyone who invite whoever and hope there's enough beer, y'know? When it comes to having extra people there who we don't know, you have to draw the line somewhere. IMHO.

pwalshy

Barracudaincork wrote: »

Oh how quickly people forget what it feels like to be single! Might as well add plenty more fish in the sea in there too while you are at it.

I haven't forgotten about when I was single at all. In fact, I was invited to many weddings as a singleton were there was no plus 1 on the invite and enjoyed myself with friends! We're planning on having a small wedding, with just friends and family there and most of our friends know each other, singles & couples, so TBH, I don't forsee an issue!

pwalshy

SeekUp wrote: »

When it comes to having extra people there who we don't know, you have to draw the line somewhere. IMHO.

Well said SeekUp

How Strange

SeekUp wrote: »

When it comes to having extra people there who we don't know, you have to draw the line somewhere. IMHO.

I definitely understand what you mean by that as we're in the same situation, as I've already said. We were looking at it more from the point of view that we don't want a huge wedding and adding the plus one was making it just that.

However, it's not just about the big day for the bride and groom (although it is clearly the reason why everyone is there) but it's also about your guests enjoying the day too.

For that reason I don't think it's fair to say we don't want people there that we don't know. There are people coming to our wedding that I've never met because some people are bringing a partner or a friend but IMO if it means that the guest is more relaxed and enjoys the day more because they could bring a partner then it's worth it. I certainly wouldn't want anyone going to our wedding feeling uncomfortable and nervous because they don't know anyone else.

Barracudaincork

pwalshy wrote: »

I haven't forgotten about when I was single at all. In fact, I was invited to many weddings as a singleton were there was no plus 1 on the invite and enjoyed myself with friends! We're planning on having a small wedding, with just friends and family there and most of our friends know each other, singles & couples, so TBH, I don't forsee an issue!

I too have been to many weddings as a singleton or as a couple and i have enjoyed myself the same regardless of my relationship status.

I just believe in treating everyone the same, hence my replies. As you mentioned above what you are doing at your wedding, good for you, its your wedding, but my opinion doesnt change. I still respect yours (as it is your wedding etc).

How Strange

pwalshy wrote: »

We're planning on having a small wedding, with just friends and family there and most of our friends know each other, singles & couples, so TBH, I don't forsee an issue!

I think that's different to having a larger wedding and chopping numbers off the guest list to keep costs down which usually means the single people are invited alone

We're having our ceremony with just family present. My friends were cool about that because they understood why we wanted it that way.

I mean if you're having a 130ish type wedding and you're inviting single people without a guest then it's definitely a grey area between the guest being ok about it or being offended. 95% of single people invited to ours aren't bringing anyone but a few older single guests are and I think it is because they feel more comfortable going to the event with a partner.