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Just Friends?

  • 15-01-2010 10:57pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,
    would really appreciate the advice of the wise people here to a dilema. To cut a long story short, I've been good friends with a guy for years, have a history and thought it was that, history, and was happy with that. Lately however I've found myself wondering 'what if'. The confusing thing is I had genuinely thought I was happy to have him as a friend only, & this has really confused me, something I'm not usually.

    For a while I put it down to fleeting time-of-life thoughts (both in early 30's), or some affection mixed with nostalgia, but my usual rational side has deserted me! We've both had other relationships, but seem to find ourselves hanging out more. To the point that he suggested we go on a holiday together, as most of our friends are tied up, & we both enjoy travelling. I don't know what to do, one part of me says go, life's too short. But the other part of me is afraid of what might happen, because I value this friendship too much to mess it up. I know he sees me as a good friend, but after that I simply don't know. I'm fairly happy with my lot in life, but this really has me confused.
    What do I do? Say something & risk a friendship, or say nothing & go & drive myself nuts?!


Comments

  • #2
    sugardan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 100 ✭✭sugardan


    IMHO if you think theres a connection between you two then go for it.
    Tell him how you feel and that you don't want to lose his friendship.
    You will probably regret it otherwise.


  • #3
    rallye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭rallye


    confused gal wrote: »
    What do I do? Say something & risk a friendship, or say nothing & go & drive myself nuts?!

    You have answered your own question here, if you dont say anthing it will drive youself nuts for a long time.

    These situations are a catch 22.

    On the one hand, if ye get together and it ends badly after a year or so then not only will you be losing your boyfriend but you may also loose your best friend.

    On the other hand if you dont get together you will always be wondering "what if".

    Answer me this, if you didnt know this guy and saw him in a pub/club one day would you be sexually attracted to him?

    Now it is possible to have a relationship with someone even if they are not your type looks wise but i believe in the long run in order for a relationship to last there has to be genuine sexual attraction or later down the line eyes will wander...


  • #4
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    confused gal wrote: »
    Hi all,
    would really appreciate the advice of the wise people here to a dilema. To cut a long story short, I've been good friends with a guy for years, have a history and thought it was that, history, and was happy with that. Lately however I've found myself wondering 'what if'. The confusing thing is I had genuinely thought I was happy to have him as a friend only, & this has really confused me, something I'm not usually.

    For a while I put it down to fleeting time-of-life thoughts (both in early 30's), or some affection mixed with nostalgia, but my usual rational side has deserted me! We've both had other relationships, but seem to find ourselves hanging out more. To the point that he suggested we go on a holiday together, as most of our friends are tied up, & we both enjoy travelling. I don't know what to do, one part of me says go, life's too short. But the other part of me is afraid of what might happen, because I value this friendship too much to mess it up. I know he sees me as a good friend, but after that I simply don't know. I'm fairly happy with my lot in life, but this really has me confused.
    What do I do? Say something & risk a friendship, or say nothing & go & drive myself nuts?!

    yesterdays history tomorows a mystrory, what happens now is what happens, dont over think it and dont knock it down what are you concerned about so much?

    If you like the guy a bit more, then well i mean if you hanging out as much as you say you are then your good in each others company... Thast pretty cool. :)


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the advice folks. Have decided not to say anything about how I feel (just yet). I am going to bring it up very soon but want to pick the right time, not drop a clanger out of nowhere.

    In answer to your question Rallye, yes if I did see him out I would be sexually attracted to him. You make a good point, no amount of things in common etc. can compensate for no spark! & there's definately a spark.

    Snow-mokney I think what I'm concerned about is losing a great friendship. Of course no-one wants to be rejected romantically, but that I'd cope with. It's losing all contact that'd hurt, but life is always changing anyway. Things will get aired & it's for the best. Things left unsaid no use to anyone. I think what I was looking for was to be told that being friends with him all this time & feeling like this now wasn't too mad to begin with! Will let ye know how it goes!


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