any ideas

Hurricane-Dean

Hi guys/girls,

Gonna cut right to it, I've been with my girlfriend now for 4 and a half years and she is my first serious girlfriend. I'm 21 and she's 22, we had a major fight in September and broke up because of it (well for a month), it was down to things like I didn't want to hear her talking about marriage and she wanted to move in together but I didn't, in this time though I didn't miss her at all and was having a great time with my friends and not having to worry about anything. I even ended up meeting someone in that time. I'm thinking more and more about other girls now, more then you would being a fella (window shopping).

We mainly got back together because of a pregnancy scare and in the paniced state I was in I belted out how much I loved her and missed her, even though I didn't. We do get along great but I wanted to stay as friends if things didn't work out, but I got the whole "I could never see you as just a friend" speech.

I'm really stuck on what to do because I do care for her but not in the way that I should, I think I'm afraid to say anything to he though because I don't want her to be upset.

Any advice would be great especially if you are/were in a similar situation or even know someone who is/was.

Cheers

Theshyone

I think if you dont actually love her/want to be with her as a couple and only have feelings for her as a friend then you HAVE to bite the bullet and tell her this.Not in so many words obviously, this is YOUR life and HER life your talking about here, you're not doing yourself or her any favours by being in this relationship if your heart is not in it.

As this is your first serious relationship that you've been in for 4+ years now I understand its going to be tough telling her you no longer wish to be in the relationship, HOWEVER such is life and you need to suck it up! Yes she is going to feel hurt, yes she may feel like you're rejecting her, yes her world may come crashing down around her for a while (who knows) but she WILL get over it in time. Dont expect to be friends with her straight away either, ultimately you want to cut the ties of your relationship so it is up to her NOT you to decide if she CAN be friends with you, if she cant, well thats HER decision to make, it would be selfish of you to expect it straight away just because being friends with her may ease your guilt about breaking up with her, you have to be prepared for her to "hate" you for a while.

I would STRONGLY suggest thinking about it and ALL the ramifications that will come from whatever course of action you choose to take, then once you've made up your mind, if it is to break up with her then do it straight away, no time like the present etc etc.. the longer you put it off the harder it will become.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do

Hurricane-Dean

Thanks for the quick reply, my head is wrecked with what to do and it doesn't help that I'm studying for my finals either, I know what you mean about being friends straight away because it wouldn't be fair on her. I'm just going to mull it over and see what to do, thanks for the advice, it helped a lot.

seire_jayne

The longer you leave it the harder it will be, just finish it.
You both obviously want different things so let her get on with her life so she can meet someone who wants what she wants.

Hurricane-Dean

But she knows I don't want any of that and she told me she "realized" she doesn't either, but I think she was just saying that to me

Theshyone

And dont feel guilty about not wanting the same things as her, you've been together a long time, you're both young, people grow up and grow apart, such is life. However the guilt is justified if you continue to let something which you have no interest in continue along like all is ok.

Maybe if you sort this out sooner rather than later you can concentrate on your finals with a clear head.

Hope all goes well for you.

kittenkiller

If you're not in love with her after all this time and you think you'd prefer to be with other people, then end things.

Do it as painlessly as possible for her.
You're both young, you'll both get over it.

seire_jayne

If she mentioned it to you she probably does still want it and hoping you will come around.
Us girls have a habit of saying one thing it meaning the total opposite
For both of you it'd be better just to end it. Your doing both of you a favor ending it. Good luck with everything

Hurricane-Dean

Hey guys just wanna thank all of you for the advice, I told her everything and she took it a lot better then I thought, we're gonna give friends a go and see what happens.

Cheers

kittenkiller

Good luck!

Bonito

sunflower27 wrote: »

You arent doing her any favours dragging this out. You have no intention of being with her long term, so do the decent thing and set her free to meet someone else.

It will hurt more for her further down the line.

Agreed. Op you need to be honest and blunt. Yes it will hurt her but it's better to do it now than letting her get re-attached to you because that will hurt her even more. You both have different plans for your futures of whether you want to be married or not etc. Just cut the ties and move on. Maybe in the future you can become friends. But for now end it and walk away so nobody gets hurt anymore than they already have.